my dad's ct scan revealed that the cancer has spread to the liver and other organs. it should be relatively quick from this point. he's pretty much sleeping all the time and gets confused and disoriented. tonight i kept watch by his side as he slept. i just can't believe that he's leaving me. i really think this is going to break me worse than anything else i've ever experienced. i just wish he didn't have to suffer; it's so hard seeing the lines of pain crinkling up his face even in his sleep.

i am going on 42 hours without sleep. i don't feel so bad though. i probably could have done medical school if there weren't textbooks involved. oh, i did finally finish that damn compensation survey that was kicking me around like a rag doll this whole week. no wonder my boss was so happy when i volunteered to fill that thing out. i had no clue what i was getting into.

i suppose i'm exhausted. my sinuses are so congested from a combination of crying for hours and allergies that i literally went through half a box of kleenex since i got home. i feel pretty awful right now. i guess i'll go to sleep now.

soundtrack today:
see the ocean blue - tob
it's hard to find a friend - pedro the lion
summershine - vigilantes of love
engine - american music club
davy jones' locker - the ocean blue
misc songs - the smiths