i'm at rt's right now...we just had ice cream sundaes on his roof, but don't tell his landlord...it's a lovely chicago summer night...yeah...kinda muggy but definitely bearable...godiva ice cream was on sale 2 pints for $3.59 so yeah major score on that...add some hot caramel, waffle bowls, and mint chocolate pirouette, and ya got there a really awesome sundae...yummmmmmmm...

i love summer...it's like instant prozac for me...

i listened to pedro the lion's 'it's hard to find a friend' album for the first time in a long time...i always forget how much i LOVE his old stuff...his new stuff is totally kick ass and makes you think and is challenging and all that...but the old stuff made me all soft inside and think about god and about feeling messed up and all that...i've listened to those songs so many times, and still i'm affected by them every time...songs like this one below...

"i could hear the church bells ringing, they peeled aloud your praise
the member's faces were smiling with their hands outstretched to shake
it's true they did not move me, my heart was hard and tired
their perfect fire annoyed me, i could not find you anywhere

could someone please tell me the story
of sinners ransomed from the fall
i still have never seen you, and somedays
i don't love you at all


the devoted were wearing bracelets to remind them of why they came
some concrete motivation and the abstract could not do the same
but if all that's left is duty, i'm falling on my sword
at least then, i would not serve an unseen distant lord

could someone please tell me the story
of sinners ransomed from the fall
i still have never seen you, and somedays
i don't love you at all

if this only a test, i hope that i'm passing,
cuz i'm losing the stake but i still want to trust you

peace be still peace be still peace be still" ~ secret of the easy yoke by pedro the lion

i posted those lyrics back in april of 2002, the day after i found out my dad was dying...and here i am now in june 2003...it seems i've had folks answer my call to "tell me the story of sinners ransomed from the fall"...tim...rand...caleb...bill...ryan...jesse...pete & amy...sam...derek...to name a few...and i'm still waiting for something more...there are days when i believe it all...and there are days when i believe nothing...i suppose the roller coaster of faith and doubt won't ever go away in this life...it's just that i think about my dad and wonder what he thinks about all this...


"dad i broke my promise to you
if you're wondering where i've been
i thought i knew what i was doing
but i was wrong again" ~ from the bells by pedro the lion

p.s. from this entry forward the drummer formerly known as rt will be referred to as 'ted' or 'teddy' or 'red ted' or 'red teddy' or some combination thereof. that's just an fyi...