some days i can be an outright bitch...i can be the ice queen...see the hurt and keep hurting...
somedays i just suck...granted, these fits of malice usually subside by the next morning, but when they're on, i just can't stand being in my own skin...i don't believe in self-flagellation, but when it's something i've promised myself over and over...that no matter how mad i was at someone that i still wouldn't be nasty or cold...and i fail over and over and over again...

...when everything's fine and dandy and i'm my usual sweet self, i think that exhibiting magnanimity in all circumstances is a breeze, esp. when you love somebody as much as i do...then all that flies out the window in a single instant when things don't go my way...what a hypocrite i can be...

...well now let's stop that mopin' and see where i am now...oh yes...i met my cuz kris yesterday at this place called the art gallery kafe on milwaukee ave just south of armitage...her friend meg was there...apparently this place is owned by a couple of meg's friends...they serve intelligentsia coffee, and although i know nothing about coffee, i understand that that's a good thing...there was a band there from california called anchors for architects...they were doing an early show before their night gig @ the big horse lounge down the street...the bass player is cousins w/ one of the owners of the cafe...they reminded me of the swords project kinda...maybe even a little ester drangish...i only caught the last couple songs but i liked what i heard...

kris, meg & i went to this carribean restaurant on fullerton a couple blocks east of the fireside for dinner...there kris harangued me w/ these rorshach type questions like if you were a fruit what fruit would you be...i guess she'd gone on a trip w/ a girl named katie who's always asking questions like that and analyzing you...there was this really elaborate one about a box in a desert with flowers and a horse and a ladder...depending on how you answered the questions, you could potentially reveal such insights as how you view yourself, where you fit into your friends' universes, how you will rear children, what kind of a mate you will have and how he/she will treat you, and your view on frienships...ok...whatever...

tonight we're playing superscrabble @ lauren & jay's...i suck at scrabble...my tiles normally look something like this: "A E E I N O Q"...

my neck is still killing me...i need help...in the form of a scandinavian masseuse...

been listening to--
if you're feeling sinister--belle & sebastien
keep it like a secret--built to spill
ghost of david--damien jurado
summerteeth--wilco
sleeping on roads--neil halstead
start here--the gloria record
reading, writing and arithmetic--the sundays
emotions--alaska!
...i'm listening to denison's 'safe away' as i'm typing...the track playing now is breathe in this life...the first song i ever listened to by denison...downloaded from pastemagazine.com...the song that set the ball in motion, that ball that would gain momentum and mix in various people places events joys sorrows...i love denison...i really really do...this album will always have one of the sweetest, tendersest parts of my heart...oh, god...i think i need a kleenex...