...easter sunday started gray and wet. well, at least when i left my apartment at 13:30 it was gray and wet; i was oblivious to the weather prior to stepping outside my domain. i slept in again this morning. i've spent this entire weekend making up for around a month of stingy sleeping patterns. alas, this luxury comes to an end tomorrow when i must return to being a corporate ant. so i needs to get to bed so i can wake up at 05:00 tomorrow which means this is gonna be a quickie.

i went to visit my dad at swedish covenant where he received his first round of chemo last night. he wasn't feeling sick or anything; he was actually quite talkative and in a good mood. he's lucky the chemo he's going through is not as potent as it could be since they found the cancer cells so early on. the side effects are not expected to be as dramatic as most people envision when they hear the word "chemo." although he has a favorable prognosis, i can't help feeling concerned. i can't even discuss it...

...when i left the hospital late in the afternoon, the dark clouds of the morning had transformed themselves into pleasantly puffy and majestic snow covered mountain ranges with big patches of deep blue sky and the warm sunlight streaming down. i stopped off at harms woods for a little walk. it was kind of muddy from the morning rain, but i managed to slip and slide down to the banks of the stream which flows along the edge of the bike/walking path.

...it was warm and i got into that trancelike stage when everything seems to be moving in slow motion, but it's just my brain and body moving at a snail's pace soaking in the surroundings--the sights, the sounds, the smells, the whole atmosphere. it felt absolutely delicious to be outdoors, and i realized that i've been hungry for it after being cooped up with the cold weather for so long. i kind of whet my appetite yesterday, and now today--the weather better really warm up because now my body has remembered that it likes being outside when it's warm and will be expecting it on a regular basis.

...when i was driving home after picking up more stuff in glenview, i really liked the sky, the way it was looking, and so i stopped off at harms woods again for some pictures. there's something about the twilight sky when it's covered in sunset soaked clouds and the silhouette of naked oak trees. i also found out today that i can actually get stars to show up in my photos if i expose the shots long enough. i just need a steadier "tripod" than my open car door, which i was kneeling in front of for the shots i took tonight.

as i was observing the night sky, i was thinking about solitude, and how i seem to be getting a lot of it lately, and i wondered how i felt about that. it seems these days that i share my moments with my camera but not with other people. i mean, i do this blogger thing, but it's not the same as having someone with you IN the moment so that you can share without words. when josh was in california, i used my notebook to do the same thing. now it's my camera. actually, i'm going to go back to my notebook. i like writing things down with my hand, just so i don't forget my penmanship. anyways, i don't think there's anything bad about using my camera or a notebook to feel like i'm sharing my experiences in some shape or form. well, off to bed i must go...

spring and what-not

...yesterday was an absolutely beautiful day--sunny AND warm! my favorite combo. i went for a long walk in the neighborhood and took some pictures. actually, now that i think about it, according to the border maps connolly & i saw thursday night, i technically live in bucktown but i was walking in wicker park yesterday. that's cuz i live like RIGHT on the border, like one block away i think.

...so anyways, i saw a robin goofing around in my neighbor's tree, and with the sun, the warmth and april just around the corner it made me FEEL like spring had arrived and gave me real hope that winter was actually over. but this is chicago, and i remember staying home from school in may due to a blizzard. nevertheless, it's always good to see a nice fat robin eating berries in a tree.

...i walked down damen over to wicker park, which was bustling of course due to the favorable weather conditions. i saw a group of 6 or 7 adults gathered in a circle playing a game of good old hackeysack. made me nostalgic for california. i hung out at the park for a long time, taking pictures, watching boys skateboard by the fountain, groups of adults standing around shooting the breeze in a really good mood like they were getting over the wintertime blues, neighborhood teens playing basketball, owners of all kinds of dogs walking their happy pets.

...i was feeling a bit dazed soaking it all in. it wasn't a bad kind of dazed--just a carefree contented sunstruck warmthkissed dreamlike kind of daze.

wicker park has an enclosed dog park where the dogs can run around without a leash. it's a pretty popular local spot since this neighborhood seems to have a LOT of dogs. i love watching the dogs play with each other. they each have such personalities which really come out in a social setting, which i suppose is true for humans as well. you can tell the shy ones from the outgoing ones from the sweet gentle ones from the rambunctious ones from the casanovas from the wallflowers, etc etc etc.

...i walked over to reckless records and browsed for a bit. well, okay, i bought a few cds. i got an innocence mission cd & an over the rhine cd both for $10, so that was a good deal, i'd say. i also bought a cd by the phantom planet, whom i'd heard of only because the kid from rushmore is the drummer, and being the huge rushmore fan that i am, i thought i'd check it out. he's grown up somewhat since that movie, which is good i suppose. oh, and as i was checking out, i saw a poster for a special instore performance by neil halstead the day before his scheduled concert in a couple of weeks. i'm definitely going to that--free record store concerts rock! they're free, intimate and just plain cool.

...by the time i got out of the record store, it was already past 6:30pm, much later than i was expecting. i was supposed to be hooking up with connolly, olarn and oscar, so i scurried home and made some calls. i picked up connolly and oscar later that night and we went over to the old town school of folk music for their annual all night party. connolly and oscar had never gone there before, and i forgot how chaotic and crazy and overwhelming that whole experience can be, with different events going on everywhere, people just swarming every nook and cranny, and live music music music all around, even in the elevator. robbie fulks was supposed to play but apparrently didn't make it, but i did hear some good stuff by a local named aerin tedesco--girl and a guitar with an incredible voice and a band called covered in honey. the beatles room was packed, and i didn't slowly migrate my way through this time. oscar was "happy" on medication, so he was just going along for the ride, but i think a little more organization would have been more comfortable for connolly.

...i forget sometimes my high tolerance for chaos and confusion as long as no action is required on my part. i just like the whole atmosphere of people jamming in the hallways and music going on in just about every classroom and concert space. and the people who show up for these things--the regulars treat it like mardi gras and get all decked out in costumes and make up and everything.

we caught up with olarn around 11pm drove over to zephyrs for a latenight snack. olarn was "on" tonight, and we were just cracking up the whole time. after we got out of zephyrs we drove around and decided to go see the chicago skyline from the adler planeterium. i wasn't driving for once, and i had some fun taking slowspeed night shots in motion.

...unfortunately, we weren't aware that they had closed off lake shore drive over by navy pier, and we got stuck in a major traffic jam near downtown. sitting motionless in traffic is no fun on a saturday nite, and after a LONG time, we were finally able to exit, and we just got back on lsd going north again. the boys dropped me off at my car and we called it an early night.

...that's about it except that on the way home down damen, i finally got a shot of the bridge that i so love crossing over the chicago river. it reminds me of a rollercoaster, the way it's arched and so red.

ok. it's easter. gotta go meet the family...

old friends and the moon

...i got a call from an old, old friend last night--kae!!! i haven't talked to her since her wedding. i'd been emailing namhee & she gave kae my number. it was great catching up with her. i can't believe she's a mom now. the class reunion is still 3 months away, but it seems that a lot of us are going to reunite before that. i also got in contact w/ michelle after all these years. i just can't believe how easily you lose touch with those who were once so close to you. i'm usually an out of sight out of mind person, i guess, which is why i'm surprised that i've managed to stay in contact with josh even though we've lived in the same time zone for only 1.5 months out of 10 months of friendship since we got back in touch last may/june.

well, i went to home depot last night and bought a screwdriver. so i got the darn table out of the closet and set up my laptop and connected the speakers. it's one of those surround sound computer speakers with 4 little satellites and a subwoofer. now i can't get two of the speakers to work. it's somewhat frustrating. but two of these speakers are like a gazillion times better than the laptop speakers, so i'll deal until i can get some technical hardware support.

today's the old town school of folk music's annual all-night party!!! i'm excited--it was one of the best events i attended last year. i missed the opening nite to the int'l pop overthrow fest last night cuz i was visiting my dad, but that's okay. family first. music & photography somewhere after that. i've got plenty of concerts to choose from in april anyway.


the following was written yesterday nite at 2050cst:

...i am writing this at the same beach i was at yesterday afternoon. i was on my way to glenview to pick up some more stuff when i happened to see the full moon and so instead of going west, i went east to the lake. one of my favorite things in the whole wide universe is the full moon shining down on the lake.

the waters are calm and singing that lovely song, which i can hear through the ocean blue playing on my headphones. it's so chilly--the wind is not showing me much mercy tonight, and as always i'm underdressed for outdoor photography in the cold. something about the cold, the sound of the waters, and the planes flying overhead all make me want to go to the bathroom. ok. i'm gonna go before i get frostbite.

i just turned around to leave and looked up and got an eyeful of stars! there's orion to the west. and that's gotta be one of the planets, either jupiter or mars, maybe venus. i don't know who's up these days. it's good to be under a big sky of stars tonight...

i woke up to a gentle fall of rain this morning. it's so nice to just get up, look out the window and start shooting pictures first thing. i have a fascination with waterdrops and puddles, for all the beautiful motion and reflective properties associated with such things. it's perpetually different and has an inherently playful, innocent quality that reminds you of your childhood when you were a gigantic waterdrop splashing through puddles.

so i'm moving my furniture around. my big goal for today is to get my speakers set up for my laptop--i can't stand the awful weak sound it makes right now. it's just not right to be listening to music with such poor sound. so i need like a desk or something, right? well, conveniently, there was a small square table in the guest closet, so i thought that would be perfect. i moved my cd racks and book shelf to make room for the table. i moved all these boxes out of the closet so i could get the table out, and what do i find? the darn thing won't fit through the door!!! i have no idea how the previous tenant got that thing in there in the first place. i figure she must have unscrewed the legs (which don't fold, btw), so i've decided that's what i'll have to do as well. now if only i had a screwdriver...

back in the new neighborhood...

...well, i actually got a lot of unpacking done. all my clothes have been put away, and i've been able to disassemble a bunch of boxes and get them out of the way, as you can see in the picture on the left. ah, the floor i so love! i can actually see it now.

connolly accompanied me tonight as i explored the neighborhood on foot. we walked north on damen up past armitage, then down south on hoyne to wabansia back east to damen to north ave back east to ashland where we ended up at the hollywood grill, the local 24 hour establishment. it was great--the place was all decked out w/ stuff related to tv or the movies. we sat in a booth beneath a bunch of three stooges memorabilia. after stuffing ourselves full of fruit, we walked back to my place. it was nice to just wander around and look at all the different houses. there's so much diversity in the architecture of the older buildings. some of the little houses are just too cute for words!

tomorrow is good friday--holiday for me, but it seems that most of my friends are working. oh well. i'm gonna go visit my dad and get some errands done. it's supposed to rain all day but get nice by afternoon. i hope i can make it to schubas tomorrow night. there's gonna be like a half dozen bands or so playing. and i know exactly where to position myself for the pictures!

(the following was written this afternoon by the lake at 1700 in the afternoon)

i am writing this by the little beach next to the lighthouse by northwestern u. in evanston. it's late afternoon, the-day-before-a-holiday traffic on the road, and i have come here seeking temporary sanctuary. i really really love our lake michigan. something about those waters--they call to me when i'm not paying attention and then out of the blue, i get this urge to go to my little spot by the lake. this is where i go when my heart needs to be surrounded by the enourmous blue green that to me is almost an ocean. this is where i watch my sunrises. there's also easy free parking & no one's ever here. extra bonus.

...the cloud patterns this afternoon are being ruled by the contrail of the jets flying in and out of o'hare. i don't mind. the muted roar of the planes flying overhead echoes the backdrop of the rustling waves accented by the occassional seagull or two.

i wonder if traffic has let up...

(that's the view from my eastern window at 0600 this morning on the right) i am settling in here in my apartment. there are still boxes everywhere and a gazillion cds that i still have to sort through. i wish i didn't have to go into an office for work so that i could get rid of all my "business casual" clothes. i just hate having all this stuff...i haven't been home at all really so i haven't done as much unpacking as i should have. that's what i should be doing now...

but i'm excited about the plethora of concerts coming my way in the next month. the ocean blue, neil halstead, josh rouse, bill mallonee, over the rhine, pedro the lion, damien jurado, bright eyes--if only i could get tickets to the sold out belle&sebastian concert...by the end of april i will have photographed some of my favorite folks in the music biz. i'm going to have to work out my schedule so i work from home the day after such concerts so that i can sleep in a bit. which reminds me i need to get up in less than 6 hours...but it's the last work day of the week! thank goodness! and i'll have the long weekend to finish unpacking. i really have to get that done so that my friends will have places to sit when they come over.

last nite, when i was going to sleep, i opened up the curtains to my bedroom so that i could sleep bathed in the moonlight. it's been so good to see the moon so round and full lately. i am very conscious of the moon's presence these days, after having gone through a panic earlier this month when i thought the moon had fallen out of orbit. i cannot express the delight i get at walking in through the front door of my apartment and being greeted by the moonlight streaming in through my eastern window. i think it means even more to me now because i am alone, and i take comfort in the company i can get, which sometimes means just the stars and the moon and the big big sky.

i'm tired...i should go to sleep...it's past 00:00. i need to wake up early so that i don't run into the traffic fiasco i encountered today...

i just want to say that i saw death cab for cutie sunday nite and had a great time. took photos of course. inadvertently went into the restricted area (i mean, there was like SO MUCH ROOM there; i didn't want to waste the space, ya know?) and got reprimanded by security. weasled my way to the front of the balcony towards the end and finally got some decent shots.

the ocean blue are coming next friday to the double door!!!! woohoo!! like how often do you get to see THOSE guys live? god bless pennsylvania...i'm so glad i only live like 3 blocks from double door now. and thank god connolly likes the ocean blue--i might need his shoulder as a tripod. oh, wait...tri-pod means three legs...so he'd be like a bipod. or just a pod? whatever.

last night was my first night in my very first very own apartment here in bucktown chicago. i am tired from moving, even though i didn't do much besides pack. connolly, olarn & my brother jim did all the carrying of stuff. connolly olarn & i are excited about the apt because we can walk to all our restaurants & enterntainment. we'll have fun down here. i wish josh & lielle could have stayed a little longer so we could all hang out in the neighborhood.

this morning was hard waking up alone, even though it was to josh's phone call. i have come to the realization that i am really alone now, and it's unfamiliar territory. my first reaction is to jump into relationships and hide, but i know that's not what i need. what i really need is to be on my own and be comfortable with that. but in all honesty i felt so disconnected from the world. i don't think i've ever felt so alone as i did for about 45 minutes this morning. i don't think it's anything i need sympathy for. being alone can be fertile soil for nuturing parts of myself that get washed out in the busyness of being around people all the time. but the feelings of loneliness that can accompany being alone...that'll take time adjusting to. but i know i'll be okay. more than okay even.

"a hole that big i'd never seen before in the tummy of a good ol' boy who always wanted more
then just yesterday i saw him satisfied it seems he'd met the hole fixin man much to his surprise
but are you for real, mr hole fixin man, you fixed my friend can you fix me, hey, mr hole fixin man, i'm broken as a boy can be so how about fixin me
and all the charms that never were enough, it seems the hole is always twice as big no matter what it was, but to see him now is almost to believe that maybe mr hole fixin man might have what i need
but are you for real, mr hole fixin man, you fixed my friend can you fix me, hey, mr hole fixin man, i'm broken as a boy can be so how about fixin me.mr hole fixin man, he says you died on calvary, hey mr hole fixin man, if you've got proof i will believe, how about fixin me." ~ whole by pedro the lion

ok. so yesterday (march 21st) was like the 1st day of spring, as in the vernal equinox or whatever, and so what did i wake up to? what you see here on the left--S-N-O-W!!! that was NOT what i was expecting to greet me on the very first day of spring. i think that winter realizes it forgot to do all its work back in december, january and february when we were all enjoying the nice balmy weather so it's making up for it now. kind of like snow days in june when we were back in school.

but the sun came out later in the day and i had a very pleasant drive to my apartment to wait for the gas company. it was still too cold to drive with the windows down, but the sun was a welcome change to the dreary gray morning. as i was driving south, i noticed that the northern sky behind me was turning into a dramatic display of the most beautiful fluffy white clouds against a striking azure sky. it was like the intro to the simpsons. too bad i was driving south or i would have tried to get some pictures of it. oh well. that picture is just for me and my memory bank.

today when i got out of work at around 18:00, i noticed that it was still light out. that means spring is finally emerging from a mere dream state and entering the realm of reality. i wish it were a bit warmer than the 30's we've been lingering in, but i will take what i can get, and a later sunset counts for something. the temperature will catch up soon enough.

the change in seasons always gets me thinking...reflecting...and i've got lots to think about these days, that's for sure. but for the next week, i really have to concentrate my energies into packing (then unpacking). i SO dislike packing...

ugh...moved some stuff into the apartment today. microwave, phone, bedding, towels, cds, books, food. it's starting to look lived in. actually, my brother is crashing there for a few days, so someone is really living there.

i am sore right now...

josh & lielle made it safe to new york. it was weird calling him at 9pm and having him be so tired since i'm used to him being on pacific time--it's was usually me who was tired all those times it was 1am my time and only 11pm cali time. well, i'm going to have to get used to the eastern time zone; it's quite a change since i've been operating on pacific time since june. oh, well. east coast time will be good for me because i'll need to start going to bed earlier to catch the train in the morning for work.

alrighty then...to bed must i go.

i was just going through my mail, and would you believe that i have received a complimentary copy of ARTHRITIS TODAY?? i have to admit, i think i'm gonna feel like i have arthritis in the morning, but i'm not sure i need an actual subscription at this point...i think i'll send this to josh cuz it's got 30 ways to get knee relief, and he can use all the ways he can get.

i just got home from helping josh & lielle pack their cars and drive off to new york without me. :( i can't believe we got everything in those cars. there was just enough room.

we all did a lot of driving around today (well, lielle & i did at least; josh will be for the next 6 hours) and carrying bunches of stuff (you know, someone really needs to think of a way to make tvs and computer monitors out of a lighter plastic--not necessarily styrofoam but something along those lines maybe a bit more friendly to the environment and to the backs of those carrying the objects) and oh, the stairs, the stairs!!!! i counted exactly 53 steps between their apartment and the ground, which means i did like a LOT of stairs today, more than i normally do. let me tell ya, i never want to look at green carpeting ever again cuz that's what i stared at for a good hour or so.

don't get me wrong--i don't mind at all; josh & lielle are the type of friends you'd fly to the moon for. i'm just glad i was off work today and available cuz it would've been hard on josh's messed up knee, all those stairs. and i don't have to drive 850 miles in the next 24 hours.

i did get a box of my clothes packed which is like a 10000% improvement from the day before, when i got like 0 boxes packed. turns out my brother's going to stay in my apartment for a few days anyway, so i'm not going to really move in to stay there until probably this weekend. it's all good--now i have time to pack for the big move on saturday. i'm sure once i get started, i'll get it done quickly. or i could just throw everything out the window...

sunday afternoon was spent moving josh's stuff out of his folks' place. connolly, oscar & joe helped out. it was kinda fun going through his old things. i got to save a piece of the berlin wall from being thrown out. josh didn't know that the plastic bag he'd put in the trash pile had that in there, but of course, me, i have to rummage through it all just to be sure there wasn't anything that I didn't want, and i found that piece of concrete, and i'm like "are you sure you want to throw this away?" and of course he didn't.

we hung out with josh & lielle at their apartment for a little bit, and then we dropped off joe at his house, & then connolly, oscar & i met olarn at hubs, had dinner then drove to my apartment. it was my first time there since i officially got possession this morning. i still totally love it! misty (the previous tenant) even left me her bed in addition to all the other stuff, so i literally do not have to buy any furniture whatsoever. the guys really liked it too, and they started planning my color scheme for painting the place. they were coming up with all these ideas because i've got the slanted ceilings, which provides more opportunities for being creative. they've volunteered to help me paint, thank god, cuz i can honestly say that i would never get it done if i had to do it myself. i'm soooo happy about having a yard!!! with gardening space!! i wonder if my landlord will mind if i plant a prairie...i prefer to grow native plants, and i like 'em wild as possible. i can't wait until the weather warms up!

so josh & lielle are leaving tomorrow afternoon. they're going to spend the night somewhere in pennsylvania and then drive the remainder on tuesday. i think it hasn't really sunk in yet that josh is leaving. it seems that people i care about are always leaving, and i'm always the one to stick around. one of these days, though, i'm going to leave, maybe to california, maybe not, but i'm gonna leave. i mean, i really love chicago and everything (except for the humidity in the summer and the topography or the lack thereof rather) but i feel like i've had it safe all my life because things have been so predictable and familiar for me. i know that changing locations doesn't necessary change a person, but i think the process of moving to a new place and having to put down roots again and being in an unfamiliar unpredictable place can bring out some qualities in a person that they may have never known they even possessed. well, we'll see what happens...

oh, these photos in today's post (except for the hubs picture) were taken last night on my way home from joe & trish's st. paddy's day party. i love taking shots at night while driving--ya never know whatcher gonna gyet.

well, good morning, y'all! oh, wait. it's afternoon already...time to get busy...get josh's stuff from his parents' house, start packing, blah blah blah...yeah right. no, really, i've decided to do my big move next saturday, like with a real truck or van or something else large rented from u-haul.

last night before i went to bed, i was listening to music with my headphones on and i had programmed a bunch of songs for the playlist. i ended up falling asleep before the first song was even over (that's what 9 hours of sleep during a 72 hour period will do to ya--i should have gone to medical school). every now and then throughout the night i would wake up and i'd hear the music, and the strange thing was that i always woke up to the same song. i figured the playlist must just be repeating and i happened to be waking up at the same point every time. by morning, i came to the realization that i had actually hit the repeat button for JUST THE FIRST SONG, so basically i had listened to that same song over and over and over again in my sleep for SEVEN HOURS!!!! that would be like 130 times. and a song called ROLLERCOASTER no less. no wonder i still felt tired everytime i'd wake up. i wish i could remember my dreams to see if there's a correlation...i think i might have to do some research into the effects of the music you listen to during sleep and your dream life, how rested you are in the morning, etc.

happy st. patrick's day!!!!

just got back from trish & joe's party. ed was there!! it was good to see him again after 4 months. and he seems so happy with his girlfriend. i'm glad for him.

i brought the ingredients for what josh & i think should be the official st. paddy's day drink, our standard the melon ball, because it's so perfectly green. josh mixed the drinks--he's gotten very good at it since he finished that entire bottle of midori & vodka i got him in january. everybody liked it except becca who said it tasted like medicine. i don't know what brand cough syrup she's been taking, but i'd like some too because it must be extremely yummy. we took to calling it medicine ball by the end of the evening.

i am going to exercise selfrestraint and go to bed instead of uploading all my pictures from the party.

p.s. i saw the moon tonight! she was just a tiny sliver, like an eyeless smiling face. i felt much better and was SO happy to greet the moon tonite!

i have made progress on my move...i have acquired BOXES!!! now i guess i have no excuse but to start packing. except that i have trish's st.paddy's day party in a couple hours and i need to shower and all that jazz...

the ever elusive mr. ed peters will be making an appearance tonight i am told accompanied by his excuse for not being online for me these past 2 months. well, i'm glad one of us has a life...

3 movie tickets--$0.00 (courtesy of gene); hot chocolate, 1 small coffee, 2 large coffees, bagel & 2 cookies at the dunkin donuts--<$15.00 (but free for me courtesy of connolly); warm fuzzy feelings derived not from the coffee but from heart to heart conversation with 2 good friends at 2 in the morning--priceless...

something there is about the wee hours of the night that puts me in a tender, sentimental mood. as i sat across from connolly and olarn at the dunkin donuts i couldn't help feeling a gentle flow of affection for both of them. i know that i have a place with them where i belong, where i'm safe. as we talked tonight about the intricate nature of navigating through relationships and the fears and insecurities we face, i felt at peace and at rest knowing that i had company on what to me has been one hell of a treacherous journey.

and i thought about josh moving out of state, and how much i'm going to miss him. and i thought about how much i respect him for choosing to love and seeing it through in his life, because i didn't have the strength to make that same choice in my own life. there is something to be said for being and staying friends with those who can remember you from when you were still a child, even if you lose touch with them for long stretches of time. i didn't realize the significance of such friendships when i was younger, but now i know. these are the friends who can breathe life to your faded watercolor memories of way back when, or who, with a single word or tiny cue, will help you recover that misplaced memory from that mess of a filing system in your brain.

"if you lose your faith, babe, you can have mine, and if you're lost i'm right behind, cause we walk the same line. now i don't have to tell you how slow the night can go, i know you've watched the light and i bet you could tell me how slowly four follows three, and you're most forlorn just before dawn. so if you lose your faith, babe, you can have mine, and if you're lost i'm right behind, cause we walk the same line. and i don't need reminding how loud the phone can ring when you're waiting for news and that big old moon lights every corner of the room. your back aches from lying and your head aches from crying. so if you lose your faith, babe, you can have mine, and if you're lost i'm right behind, cause we walk the same line. and if these troubles should vanish like rain at midday, well i've no doubt there'll be more, and we can't run and we can't cheat, cause baby when we meet what we're afraid of, we find out what we're made of. so if you lose your faith, babe, you can have mine, and if you're lost i'm right behind, cause we walk the same line." ~we walk the same line by everything but the girl

connolly just called me. we're gonna go see ice age at crown where gene's the manager. olarn will meet us there. josh & lielle are m.i.a. the packing will have to wait until i'm in the packing mood. right now i gots to go meet connolly at the bookstore...

it's friday evening and i have gotten this much packing done: 0

went and saw the apartment again this afternoon...it grows on me every time. my very own little home!!! the girl who's moving out threw in for a total of $640 a 5000btu airconditioner, a huge utility shelf, a book shelf, coffee table, sleeper sofa in great condition, 2 sitting chairs, a nitestand, an oil painting, 2 blank canvases (because i'm SUCH an artist), 3 lamps, a dining set, an office table, closet organizer, toaster, blender, coffee maker, an old touring bike, 2 large antiquish mirrors, window trimmings, linens, plates, bowls, glasses, spices, kitchen utensils, garbage cans, cleaning supply, and a bunch of unopened edibles from whole foods. all i really need to bring is my laptop and clothes, and i'm all set! like how cool is THAT?!

well i have the day off today and monday so that i can PACK and MOVE and let me tell ya i'd rather be at WORK--that's how much i hate packing. actually, i'd rather be out on a photo shoot...haven't done an outdoor one in a while...really need to get to the botanic gardens...

anyways, that's why i'm giving myself the rest of the month of march to fully move in, because i know i'll never get done otherwise. luckily, i don't have too much to actually transport--the girl who was living in the apartment before me is selling me all her stuff for like really really cheap--which is totally excellent because the apartment is an attic apartment of a 3 story building and i don't want to carry too much stuff up and down 3 flights of stairs (and neither do my friends). i'm taking my clothes, photos, cds, books & laptop basically.

i am excited to be moving to bucktown in chicago. it's a pretty high energy neighborhood, and there's lots of diversity. i've been wanting to do more urban photography, so this is perfect. the blue line (el) is right there, and the metra's less than a mile from my apartment. all the crowds can get old after awhile, but wicker park's just a few blocks away. there's a dog park there, and i like watching all the dogs unleashed running around yapping away happy as pigs in mud. some of the side streets are quiet and lined with colorful old historic mansions that look like they belong in a movie about haunted houses. the double door and the note are both within walking distance, and uncommonground cafe is only a couple miles away too. the congress theatre is just a few blocks northwest, and that's where belle & sebastian are playing in may, if only i could get tickets...

the past couple of days i've had this reoccurring nagging observation in the back of my mind that i haven't seen the moon in a while. tonight, as i was driving home from work, that nagging observation unexpectedly flung me into a momentary total lapse of reason, and for several moments, i truly believed that the moon had fallen out of her orbit around the earth. i searched the night sky but only saw planes entering landing patterns into o'hare. it was only for maybe 15 seconds that i had this crazy thought, but for those 15 seconds, i literally felt panicked because i didn't know how i could go on without the moon. it then occured to me that we may be in a new moon phase, or maybe the moon has been rising after i fall asleep (not likely considering my sleep habits), and i calmed down. but i did realize that i miss my dear old friend the moon very much, and i felt bad that i always write about the stars and how much i love them but hardly ever mention the moon, and how much i love her too. i've even complained about the moon being out on nights when i want just the starlight. shame on me...i will try not to take the moon for granted anymore.

next thing i know, i'll start thinking the sun's disappeared...

"i saw it written and i saw it say, pink moon is on its way, and none of you stand so tall, pink moon gonna get you all, it's a pink moon, it's a pink, pink, pink, pink, pink moon." ~ pink moon by nick drake

i think that a really good way to finish off a weekend is to go flying. and so i did!!! josh took me up for my third ride in a cessna. lielle & i had to sit in the backseat this time so that my cousin kris who has never been up in a little plane could have the full experience from the front. that's okay--josh says the photos opps are better from the back anyway; less obstackles to deal with.

i was a bit concerned on saturday that we wouldn't be able to go up on sunday because the winds were ripping it at >40 mph (35 knots/hr) which is a bit choppy for a little cessna to have to deal with. josh has flown at over 30 knots/hr before, but that was under tsunami conditions on okinawa and i don't think it was his choice. luckily, the winds died down by sunday, the clouds dissipated and we were left with sunny no ceiling conditions and only 15 mph winds (which is still a bit choppy but much more manageable than 40).

you know, i don't much like the experience of flying in a big commercial airplane, but i absolutely love riding the little planes! there was some light turbulence that made it feel like we were on a roller coaster at times--not too bad; i was hoping josh would do some sharp banks and turns, but i think he was being safe for my cousin's sake. although we found out later that she was hoping he'd do some acrobatics, which you really can't do in a cessna 172 unless you fully intend to die. i'll have to find an acrobatic flying club for kris to get a taste of some real G's & vertigo.

i have always had a fascination with flying. i remember as a little girl when i was supposed to be sleeping, i'd be lie awake pretending to be flying all over the world. granted, in my little-girl fantasy world, i didn't need any wings to fly, just the desire. and although i still wish i could fly just by wanting it bad enough, reality checks nudge me towards looking into various man-made aids for flight.

then there is my dream life. sometimes i pray to dream that i'm flying like a bird, because your dreams can feel so real, it's almost as good as real life. actually, in some ways i think it's better because you can do all kinds of crazy things and still wake up in the morning in one piece. i know that i've had physical sensations in my dreams such as vertigo that were so real that when i woke up, i had to question whether it actually was a dream or not.

listening to nick drake right now. . . his songs make me so emotional for some reason. i think i'll always associate nick's songs with november 2001, which was kind of a milestone month for me. of course, in the grand scheme of things, i may someday look back and wonder what all the fuss was about, but for now it's hard to look back when there's so much i'm dealing with in the here and now, and then there's the future which keeps overtaking me before i'm ready. . .

"please give me a second grace, please give me a second face, i've fallen far down, first time around, now i just sit on the ground in your way. now if it's time to recompense for what's done, come, come sit down on the fence in the sun, and the clouds will roll by, and we'll never deny, it's really too hard for to fly. please show me your second game, please tell me your second name, i've fallen far down, first time around, now i just sit on the ground in your way. so come, come ride in my merry-car by the bay, for now i must know how fine you are in your way, and the sea, she will sigh, but i’ll never deny it's really too hard for to fly." ~ fly by nick drake (time of no reply version)

lazy saturday afternoon...little tiny itty bitty snowflakes dancing around outside look like so many sea monkeys swimming through the air. hard to believe that i was roaming the streets of chicago less than 15 hours ago with no jacket on, and now it's cold enough to be actually snowing. so goes life in the windy city. a balmy 55 for march one day, below freezing wind chills the next.

i am still emotionally buoyant from having seen denison live in concert (twice--to make up for the time i missed him last september!) and having had the chance to meet him & take photos of him & the 6 parts 7 guys in action. an evening of live music with your favorite artist is definitely my idea of a friday evening well spent.

tonight will be a quiet evening at josh's w/ the old high school gang. josh has a melon ball with my name on it that's been waiting for me for a couple weeks now, if he hasn't drunk it himself. i think i will retire early tonight. . . sometime before 2am would be good i'd say.

ok. i realize that it is the middle of the night, and i've had so little time with my pillow the past several days that it's probably forgotten my name by now, but i have my reasons for still being up. i went to denison's show at schuba's tonight and took a ton of pictures, which i'm sifting through right now. i have decided that my nikon coolpix was an excellent investment, although i still haven't figured out the manual settings. i'm so glad i had my camera in time for denison's shows. i had a lot of fun taking the pictures. it's great because i don't have to use the flash even in low light situations. i really dislike using the flash, esp. on performers.

there is an incredible storm brewing out there--the winds must be gusting at > 30 knots. the sound of the rushing wind outside is like that of crashing waves on the ocean beach. it's kind of eerie at this hour. it sounds like a really lonely giant. there is some major convective activity going on in the skies tonight. i'd hate to be a plane out there right now.

well, the next step in having a home page i suppose is doing the blogger thing. so here i am learning about ftp servers and all that good stuff. maybe i'll switch careers and design web pages.

yeah, right...