coming to you live from beacon, ny!!!

yup. i'm in the eastern standard time zone, home to notables including my best buddy joshua mars robertson & his lovely recently fianced fiance lielle and other notables like caleb and audrey. i haven't been in this time zone in AGES!! i've mainly been spending free time on the left coast, but i think i'm gonna have to come to the right coast every now and then.

so i'm here w/ connolly who is passing as spider man for today (pictures later once i get my hands on a flash card reader) and olarn thai boy who's missing his yui back home. we're about to hit the only establishment open at this hour in beacon, ny.

ok. gotta go.

p.s. josh & lielle live on top of a pie shop!!! we're eating pie tomorrow, that's for sure. i get to see the boys of idlewild tomorrow. and caleb. totally rad right on. i'm missing bill & kevin, but i did listen to my VoL mix cd during the flight...almost broke down crying...bill can write songs, man...

in 3 minutes my brother's gonna drive me to the airport...i can't wait to get to my seat on the plane...all i wanna do is sleep...

i think i made the big mistake of leaving slowdive's souvlaki at home...it's my bedtime cd...well, mojave3 will do i suppose...maybe i have just for a day with me...

connolly and olarn are going to new york w/ me, but they're flying united, and don't tell my friends who work at united, but i'm flying american. i get a good discount through work, w/ american, ya know. hopefully the 3 of us will land at laguardia at approximately the same time...thank goodness for cell phones cuz i forget what i was supposed to do once i land...well, here goes. i'm off to the big apple. going to see my best friend josh and my music guru/spiritual adviser caleb and the lovely boys of idlewild. god bless scotland forever, even if they are a bunch of calvinists.

next post will be from beacon, ny, near POUGHKEEPSIE.

today all i listened to was the judybats and goner.

well, keeping with the tradition of not sleeping the night before flying, i didn't spend any time with my pillow last night...i don't normally drink coffee, but i did this morning. i am SOOOO looking forward to that plane ride...you see how this works now? normally i would hate getting on a plane bigger than a cessna 182, but if i don't sleep for 36 hours before a flight, i'm so grateful for having two hours to do nothing that i don't mind the flight at all.

i am going to attempt to carry on josh's guitar with me onto the plane. the airline said as long as it's under 39 inches, it should be okay. i don't know how tall it is exactly, but i think it's right around 39 inches. i saw ian carry on a guitar when we dropped him off at the airport in austin, so i'm pretty sure it'll be okay...i just don't want to have to ship a guitar, ya know? the shipping cost would be more than the original cost of the guitar.

ok. time to rock 'n' roll. whatever that means. i'm at work for heaven's sakes...

i spent a quite a bit of time in glenview today...i stopped by my mom's house to pick up my shipment of cds for the week and misc. mail. my brother was in his room playing guitar and singing...he was singing this song called 'there must be more' that we used to do at church...it brought tears to my eyes, esp. as i looked around at all the pictures of my dad that my mom's got everywhere. sometimes my dad's presence is so thick in that house...i guess it's all the memories that still live there...i just remember how happy my dad was whenever i would stop by...eating dinner together, listening to his stories, how excited he would get about stuff...sunday will be six months since the day i watched my dad die...i wonder what he's up to these days...

i really needed to do a photoshoot, not a paid gig kind but one just for my own pleasure...if i never had to worry about money or paying bills or anything like that, i'd just take photos like all the time. it's the only way i know how to capture a single moment and bottle it up so i can carry it around with me. since i can't make time stand still, i can at least make everything else stand still in a photo. so yeah, i was itchin' for a shoot, and luckily as i was driving from my mom's house, i noticed a little park in the new development on what used to be the glenview naval air station. i stopped by and spent some alone time w/ me and my camera...it was a cool little park...kinda in the middle of nowhere since the area is still under construction and totally empty. there were all these wooden swings attached to a wooden trellisway that stretched circularly around a round patch of lawn. i love circular structures. i love swings. i love the color of wood soaked in the warm orange of streetlights.

i gotta say it was freakin' cold tonight...i don't have a winter coat, which i think is kinda weird when i think about it...for most chicagoans, it's an essential part of their wardrobe for 6 months out of the year. i think i must have made a decision somewhere along the line that i'd have a better chance of moving to less frigid regions if i didn't wear a winter coat when the weather called for it...i thought last winter was going to be my last here in chicago, but here i still am...hopefully next year about this time, i won't be the only one operating on pacific standard time in my immediate vicinity...

even though i nearly froze to death, it was really satisfying to just sit in a swing, staring up at a cold cloud-covered night sky. i love being in beautifully deserted areas all by myself. i enunciate my thoughts more clearly in those kinds of places...well...time to pack fo new york...

recent listenings--
100 broken windows--idlewild
american english single-idlewild
old man in the arms of the new--kind of like spitting
under the same stars--the prom
pain makes you beautiful--the judybats
down in the shack where the satellite dishes grow--the judybats
satellite rides--old 97s
s/t--all-time quarterback
s/t--hidari mae
dollar movie--goner

it's definitely getting a bit nippy out there...i can't believe summer's over...i've been through quite a few season changeovers in my lifetime, but every year, i'm still shocked when the warm lazy days and evenings of summer bow to the cold sternness of a fall that thinks it's a big badass chicago winter.

in less than 48 hours, i will be boarding a plane headed northeast to new york city...it's been over 7 months since i last saw my best friend josh...i was a different person when he left chicago...he left just in time as the shit hit the fan in my life...we're both different now...he's an east coaster...i'm a pacific northwester wannabe...vacation for me and josh is to just wander around with no agenda and no map and no reservations as we get lost together in a city where we can be alone and lonely amongst an obscenely large throng of people. i wonder if we'll always end up at central park, just like we kept ending up @ fisherman's warf back in san fran...

thinking about vacationing w/ josh makes me wanna take a nap...josh has the gift of napping...i've seen him nap just about anywhere...city parks...oceanfront...bayside...in a car...side of the road...on rooftops...

we'll see what this weekend's like...i'm actually going to see caleb on friday for the idlewild concert...i hope we see the danielson famile too. i mean, we wouldn't even have to leave the building cuz they're playing the same venue as idlewild the same night...

new york city in november...wasn't that like a movie or something? whatever...i just wanna see josh & lielle & caleb and come home...

the one bummer about this trip is that i'll be missing bill mallonee & kevin heuer (of vigilantes of love) on thursday night. kevin emailed me a couple days ago wondering if i'll be at the show so we could catch up. this is the one bill show i'll be missing this year. i really miss bill...but i feel kinda guilty too cuz i STILL haven't been taking his advice to get more sleep!! oh well...i'm going to try to see them tomorrow before i leave for new york to just say hi...

some days i get songs in my head out of the blue and i can't get 'em outta there. this morning it was via chicago by wilco. something about the lines "i dreamed about killing you again last night/ and it felt alright to me/ dying on the banks of embarcadero skies/ i sat and watched you bleed..." it's just so woefully pretty...

i've dreamt about my dad every night this weekend...sometimes he's sick and sometimes he's not...but always he's alive...in one of the dreams there was a forest fire that encroached on the building we were living in, and my dad was there to get our family out...i really haven't dreamt about my dad much since he died, so it's kind of weird to be having these dreams now...

i'm not gonna say that all my life's problems are due to my dad dying, but ya gotta understand how losing your main man who loved you unconditionally and adored you for the past x number of decades whether you were a good girl or not--you can understand how that can throw a tsunami on what was otherwise smooth sailing, eh? my dad was a lovely lovely human being...my mom told me i'll never find anyone who'll love me like my dad did...i suppose she's right...i guess i'd better learn to be happy on my own...and really though, i haven't dealt with a lot of loneliness since i've been by myself these past 7+ months...i like being on my own...

here's something i read (in the liner notes for the weakerthans cd fallow, of all places) today that's kinda like how i'm feeling:

"being born is the easy part, yes
it is this staying here that's difficult
this walking for the heart without being certain
exactly why, threading a path through the city
as though i could gather these streets
and bridges to me, hold them in this moment
shining, unassailable"
--catherine hunter (canadian poet)

recent listenings:
what came before after--sonic boom
dollar movie--goner
a stable reference--labradford
telephono--spoon
you can play these songs w/ chords--death cab for cutie
in aeroplanes over the sea--neutral milk hotel
fallow--the weakerthans
xo--elliott smith
excuses for travellers--mojave 3
misc. summerteeth & being there songs--wilco
straightaways--son volt
s/t--hidari mae

well, i've decided to be a responsible adult and instead of the pretty girls make graves show i'm going to go to reckless, do laundry and buy groceries. in that order cuz reckless closes early on sundays.

other stuff i've listened to today--
distance--flying saucer attack
goodbye/and goodbye/the whole day ep--flying saucer attack
the sky is the new ground ep--am/fm
ancient melodies of the future--built to spill
treat me to some life--lenola
s/t--miighty flashlight
capsul--bailter space
s/t--silver apples

so saturday, needless to say, i slept in having promised ryan i would sleep for more than one hour...you know what's funny...if you averaged the hours that ryan and i slept combined, it would probably amount to what the normal person should be sleeping. ryan sleeps like 12 hours a day so you do the math...anyways, i basically did nothing except go through photos from a photoshoot i did the previous night for someone's website and then pete called me from the bourgeois pig. he was w/ sam who was studying for med school tests for next week, and of course pete was bored so he wanted me to come hang out until our pedro the lion show later that evening. i guess i took a little too long getting ready cuz by the time i got to the bp, pete had gone home to shower & eat before the show. that was too bad cuz i really wanted to do a photoshoot of him & sam. oh well. but here's sam at any rate. he may look happy but he's really stressed from all that studying he has to do for med school. i don't know how anybody goes through med school. i'd go insane. i suppose somebody has to be a doctor...

so the pedro the lion show...at the metro...early all ages show...scientific, who used to be out of chicago but jumped on the seattle bandwagon, opened up. i happen to like these guys a lot. it's basically chris and janie wargo. the dudes from seldom filled in as the other musicians. i have their album from the nest of ideas which i really love--some of the songs really remind me of older promise ring stuff. and chris's voice really sounds like davey von bohlen's sometimes. which is a compliment from me. i love davey's voice. the songs they did tonight were all new and sounded nothing like the stuff i was used to, but it was all good. it sounded a lot less poppy and a bit more dark. must be david bazan's influence...that man has a really hard time writing happy songs...i can't remember a happy song since the whole ep, correct me if i'm wrong.

and then seldom got back on stage to do their set. i'd never heard their stuff but it goes right along w/ pedro's newer edgier indie rock. they sure used a lot less people than scientific. half the set was drums, keys and guitar. i like lead singers who play the keys. like when ben in death cab plays the keys and sings, i just melt...uhm, anyways, seldom wasn't the type of music to melt a girl's heart in my opinion but it was still good rock 'n' roll to me, so that's all good. to make things even better, two kids in front of pete and me on the balcony got kicked out so pete & i took their seats at the table that was right at the front of the balcony. not only that, they left a full beer which pete drank cuz he don't care about germs i guess, a pack of camel lights and a skateboard video. pete totally cashed out on that move. and he got to put his feet up for the rest of the show. i love the balcony at the metro cuz you're so close to the stage. it's an awesome view. and i didn't take a lot of pictures that night, but it did make shooting a bit easier w/ something to lean my camera on.

and then there was david a.k.a. pedro the lion. the dude my cousin kris when i took her to the last pedro metro concert said looks like a plumber. yup. that he does. i bet he'd make a great plumber. and i bet he could come up w/ some really REALLY sad disturbing songs fixing other people's toilets. maybe i should send him an email...now this is the 3rd pedro show i've been to this year...i know, i know, some of you think even one's a bit much...but david's music was really important to me earlier this year when my life just went to shit and my dad was dying. his latest stuff is really different from his older stuff, and i know that's turned off a lot of fans who loved his moody slow dark beautifully melodic stripped down guitar stuff w/ droning drums in the background and that depressed voice of his. the last album CONTROL is an allegory of the american dream gone awry with adultery and murder and general mayhem. he rocks out on this one 1000% more than say on IT'S HARD TO FIND A FRIEND. although he does scream on almost there (the whole ep) which pete & i both really like. i mean, my favorite is always gonna be whole just cuz it's like the song about my own heart. he'll never do that at a show again, i'm sure...oh well...it was great seeing him again and hearing him answer the audience's silly questions.

after the show, i dropped by to see some of my high school friends at the artful dodger. turns out my history teacher mr. miller was there waiting for me to show up even though it was past his bed time. i love mr. miller...the gathering was due to my friend steve elliott's stop in chicago for his book tour for his latest novel. you can check out his stuff here. i love his poetry. steve's had one of the more incredible lives from people i've known in real life. he was homeless as a teenager, went through the juvie system here in chicago, got in all kinds of trouble (i can say all this cuz it's in his bio on all his books), managed to graduate from high school, went to college, did all kinds of stuff to make ends meet, got his masters and became a truman capote fellow at stanford university where he now teaches writing. that's a long way from the corner of devon & california where he slept on the rooftops...it still amazes me when i think about his life. steve is one of those people you can pour out your life story to, and i've done that this past year since i found him in sanfran where he now lives.

so anyways, i missed his reading at quimby's which is a bookstore 3 blocks from my apartment, so i met up w/ the crowd at the artful dodger, a neighborhood bar nearby. it was great seeing mr. miller again. i saw him just about a year ago when steve did a reading from his previous novel at the heartland cafe. i really wish i could've been at the reading at quimby's last night...i missed the one at barnes & noble on friday night cuz of a photoshoot gig...well, he's coming back for another reading on 11/21 so maybe i'll get to go to that one. i know deni's playing that night at schuba's but i've seen deni play like 5 times already this year, and i'll see him less than a week before that in seattle.

this being the weekend before halloween, the artful dodger was decked out in orange and black and other decorations. the dance floor was totally empty, and so we took advantage of it. it's been so long since i'd gone dancing. i really need to set something up in my apartment so i can start dancing by myself again. that's like one of my favorite activities--putting on a groovin' cd and just letting go. i'd have to move some furniture around...anyways, one of the jobs steve did back in the days was that of a male stripper. yup. so he had some moves, that boy did...and he's not shy at all about dancing. nope. steve and i both have a thing about not dancing with other people. except with him it's cuz he dances FOR other people. me, i just dance by myself. i'll dance AROUND other people, but i've never gotten the hang of dancing WITH other people, so my friends have learned to just let me be on the dance floor and pray that i don't kill anyone or myself. actually, i was pretty mellow last night cuz i didn't have proper shoes. i normally like dancing barefoot, but i was afraid of getting splinters from what looked like a somewhat rough wood floor.

so yeah, that was fun...it's always good to see steve and old friends from high school. although connolly i talk to every day. funny considering we never said one word to each other in high school. it's all josh's doing. i miss josh...what the hell is josh doing in poughkeepsie, ny?! i should make him drive to chicago for steve's next reading. it's been FOREVER since he's been back here...well, i'll see him on thursday so i guess i can stop missing him real soon.

stuff i've been listening to:
purple rain--prince & the revolution
the whole ep--pedro the lion
sam cooke's SAR records story 1959-1965--sam cooke
s/t--hidari mae
from the nest of ideas--scientific
when we were small--rosie thomas
s/t--flying saucer attack
soulweed--alpha stone
electric tickle--lenola
once i was--tim buckley
soft effects--spoon
live--built to spill
visitor--one line drawing
self-titled long playing debut album--+/-
suburbiac--dolour
keep it like a secret--built to spill

i love friends who call me at 5:30 am and talk sense into me...God bless ryan beatty of serene because he is the only person besides josh who has ignored normal unspoken rules about when it's too late to call and always when he calls, it's when i really need someone to talk to...don't get me wrong...i don't want just ANYBODY calling me at 5:30 in the morning, especially if i'm sleeping, but there are those people you want to hear from regardless of the hour regardless of how deep in sleep you may be. ryan's one of those. ryan always puts things into perspective and gets a hold of me before i float too far off into outer space...he's got two feet pretty firmly established on planet earth, and we know i have a tendency to keep my head in the milky way, so he's good for bringing me back to reality. more than anything, he speaks truth into my life and he's not afraid to make me laugh while i'm bawling...i can't cry for too long while i'm talking to ryan...i can't wait to see him and the rest of my seattle boys in like 2.5 weeks!!

i didn't go to my show. i'll just have to go to two shows tomorrow--uhm, i mean today--to make up for it. pete & sam came over to my apt. and we got a pizza and pete sampled my beer and i drank jack & coke and sam just drank coke and pete sampled my cds and sam read poetry and pete sampled my books and i downloaded the pixies and pete looked up every modest mouse website he could find and sam read magazines and we kept talking about going out and doing something but we didn't and then they left at around 1 and then i was alone again.

numb was the word for yesterday. freaked-out crazy is the word for tonight. i need something that will distract me between the hours of 1am and whenever i sleep which is usually around 3am. i need josh to move back to san francisco. i can't stand the eastern time zone.

i feel like astrally projecting myself out of my body except i don't know how. maybe all i need is a shot in the arm. something in my veins bloodier than blood. what i once was isn't what i want to be any more. fill my heart with smoke. just smile all the time. who knows anything. i don't know. it's just a dream i keep having. and it doesn't seem to mean anything.

yeah, it all comes back to summerteeth...god bless jeff tweedy and wilco...

alright. i've added pedro the lion photos from the april show @ the metro...click here if you are so inclined to view them. hopefully i'll get photo clearance for tomorrow's show so i'll get better pictures this time. i've also added a million new photos to my photos page, which is kinda like an online portfolio i guess. a lot of the added photos are from my blogger and were taken over the course of the past 8 months or so.

numb's the word...i have decided to go to every frickin' concert i can get into and see how long i can keep it up...that's how i coped w/ the month of april, and i met a lot of cool people...that's when i first saw ryan & jesse on stage @ the abbey...that's when i first saw neil halstead whose voice i am crazy in love with...that's when i first saw bill mallonee and met tim white...that's when i first saw pedro the lion and damien jurado, the last concert i saw before my dad passed away...

well, i've seen two shows this week, one which included a drive to milwaukee...tonight i have a photoshoot i have to do for a friend and then it's off to see the yeah yeah yeahs w/ the liars @ uhm shit where was that at...i gotta check...oh...the empty bottle...crap...i love the empty bottle but their lighting sucks.

i am not one to drink to get drunk and you can only smoke so many cigarettes before you wanna puke you entire innards (at least for me) so i will indulge my music addiction to numb that feeling i wanna numb the feeling of loss and helplessness and oh crap i can't even write about it cuz it brings those feelings up so i'm just gonna shut my trap now...i miss megan...maybe she's home by now...i miss ian...ryan...jesse...caleb...josh...bill...

dad...

what i listened to today:

"fly" by nick drake over and over and over and over again...it really is too hard for to fly, eh...

alright. the rest of the photos from the two watchers shows this week are up and running. there are some really outrageous ones in there. yeah, click here for monday nite's prodigal son watchers show and click here for last night's miwaukee cactus club photos.

been keeping my mind off stuff...

been listening to:
bryter later--nick drake
s/t--+/-
s/t--flying saucer attack
watermark ep--the weakerthans
navy blue--sloan
odessy & oracle--the zombies

i got news this morning that my grandma in korea passed away. i am numb. i've been numb all day. i was gonna go see my brother, but i couldn't really bear to be with him because it would have made me all emotional and i didn't want to go there...megan's still out of town...so my friend michael kept me company this afternoon--food, coffeeshop, record store--and now i'm on to my next distraction...going to see a movie w/ my long lost recently found friend...

before i got news about my grandma's death, i was going to blog about the watchers' show at the cactus club in milwaukee last night. then i thought it would be inappropriate. but you know, i'm the girl who went to a guided by voices concert 2 days after her father's funeral, so i'm gonna talk about it anyway. another distraction i suppose...whatever floats my boat...anyways, here it is, briefly. i got to milwaukee about a couple songs into the watchers' set. the cactus club is THE venue to play in milwaukee if you're an indie rocker. it was an awesome dive of a place. the dude who'd booked the show and who took my money (i think his name was mitch) was raving about watchers. that made me happy. all the folks there, even though it was a small crowd since it was a wednesday night and rainy on top of that, were really into the show. i don't think they'd ever seen a performance like watchers'. i mean, it is really unique. if you don't know what i'm talking about, you'd have to see it for yourself.

i also got to talk to some of the guys from the portland, OR band called the joggers. the drummer actually works at the blackbird, which is where serene is playing w/ the gloria record on 11/13, and denison will be playing there the very next day. these guys were really sweet, and i don't normally say that about band guys. the lead singer sounds like chris wargo of scientific. watchers really enjoyed their mini 3 show tour w/ them, so i was glad. it's nice to tour w/ people you like.

i also fulfilled my recent life goal of catching michael in the air (on my digital camera i mean), but it wasn't his split leg jump. i'll have to work on that...michael's roommate libor was there w/ his camcorder so i can't WAIT to see what that looks like. i mean, my photos don't do any sort of justice to the energy and fun and exuberant creative juice that is characteristic of a watchers show. if you don't believe me, go see them live yourself. i'll let you know when your chance will be.

the new death cab for cutie album you can play these songs with chords is available now at barsuk. if you've never listened to death cab for cutie, what are you waiting for??? download free mp3s and check them out here. and if you fall in love w/ ben gibbard's voice like i did, then check out all-time quarterback, his little side project. you can download 5 songs off john vanderslice's studio's website here: http://www.tinytelephone.com/html/all.time.qb.html. you must listen to why i cry which is a magnetic fields cover. it's lovely and it'll make you sing not cry or maybe it'll make you cry who knows sometimes i cry when i sing that song but usually i bop my head. while you're there, check out the other bands that john's coerced free mp3s off of. he's got like bright eyes, beulah, spoon, of montreal and jeremy enigk (of sunny day real estate). oh, check out john's mp3s too. i just bought one of his albums on saturday, and he's pretty good.

speaking of the magnetic fields, future bible heros (stephin merritt main man and claudia gonson pianist of the magnetic fields) are coming to schubas on wed. nov 6th. buy your tickets online and save enough mula for half a bottle of beer.

to go to milwaukee or not to go to milwaukee...hmmmm...

recent listenings--
via satellite--ian moore action company
69 love songs vol. 3--the magnetic fields
s/t--hidari mae
control--pedro the lion
winners never quit--pedro the lion
from the nest of ideas--scientific
odessy & oracle--the zombies
october mix--various artists

just got back from meeting w/ my long lost now recently found friend. she lives like practically in my neighborhood. how crazy is that. it was good to catch up and talk and just share what's been up in my life, which is a lot i guess considering it's been years since i saw her last...i love hooking up with old friends...especially the ones that you were friends w/ when both of you were totally different people and then finding out now years later that you can probably be even better friends than you were way back then. friendship is an amazing phenomenon, don't you think? i do...

yeah, so watchers put on a "secret show" at the prodigal son last night, which means they appeared as michael makeout & the bedfellowes and didn't advertise too widely. michael called me around 6pm and told me about the show. so i dragged myself away from my 5 minute nap and got ready and went to the show. it was my first time at the prodigal, which is a pretty small venue. funny thing was that as i was paying the cover, i looked up and there on the wall was a poster for the band saxon shore who was going to play there on saturday. that's josh tillman's band, one of the dudes who stayed at my apartment when jesse & ryan were moving crosscountry from dansville, ny to seattle. it was so weird seeing that poster there. i didn't even know he was touring. i have to see pedro the lion sat. night, an early show, so maybe i'll stop in for saxon shores afterwards, maybe not...waiting on word from ryan to see if they're a good band to check out.

so my next goal in life is to get a picture of michael when he's performing doing one of his split leg jumps. that would be really cool. i need to work out some system of cues with him so i know what move he'll do next so i can be ready to shoot the cool ones. i hope their st. paul show went well. they'll be in milwaukee tomorrow...i haven't been to milwaukee since before mikey left for boston...i kind of wanna go and shoot some photos...i haven't really been happy with the lighting at the 3 watchers shows i've been at...i wish everyone had lights like the metro. they have frickin' awesome lights in the most delicious colors. they have this purple and this blue and this white that are sooooooooo gorgeous...so much cooler than the standard red you get at all the other venues. the prodigal uses the red light too, but i didn't like it and michael hates the red light, so he had the sound guy just keep the white lights on for their performance.

my friend steve elliott from high school is in town from san francisco this weekend on a book tour. he'll be at the evanston barnes & noble @ 7pm on friday for a reading, and then at quimby's in wicker park @ 7pm saturday. he's promoting his new novel what it means to love you. i hope i can make one of those readings...i'd probably get to see some old friends from high school.

so yesterday when i was checking my calls on my caller id, i recognized a name from way back of a friend from high school. she didn't leave a message so i called the number and left her a message and she called me back today. technology...it's crazy how people have hooked up because of it. look at me & josh. and that led to me and connolly & olarn. and then there's caleb. and then tim which led to me and megan. crazy crazy crazy...

michael & the watchers are doing a show at big v's in st. paul. they did a secret show at the prodigal son bar yesterday which i found out about 3 hours before the show. didn't get to sleep until 3am. they'll be playing in milwaukee at the cactus club. i'm thinking about going...idlewild's played there! well, michael's already played w/ idlewild before they were idlewild, so he probably doesn't think it's a big deal, but i LOVE IDLEWILD!!! and i'm gonna see 'em. with caleb. in new york. like that is so right on super rad...ok. gotta go.

today was a mixed bag of emotions. on the one hand, i saw some old friends whom i love dearly at my old church...i also got to see my friend john roberts play julius caesar in that shakespeare play of the same name...kinda freaked me out to see john get really violently stabbed and covered w/ blood. i know it's fake, but it freaked me out nonetheless. but it was great to see jenn & john, and felix & zarah who came out to the show w/ me.

then there was some hard stuff. got a call today from one of my dearest most beloved friends that her cousin just died in his sleep last night. he was only 26. what do you say to that? my heart was so torn because i just wanted to go comfort her right then and there, but there's several hundred miles between us right now...i put on denison's philadelphia songs and listened to the song 'do i really have to?' over and over again... "i carry you from place to place/ this is how i spend my days/ do you understand my shape my form?/do i really have to let you go?/ not if i don't want to/...when someone you love dies/ you never question where they've gone/ like landscapes under snow/ they're blocks you build more life upon/ they're the corner of your eyes/ their quiet arms still comfort you/ do i really have to/ do i really have to let you go?..." this song always takes me back to when my dad died...and so i can imagine at least a bit of what my friend must be going through...

my faith has been shaky as of late, and this incident added tremors that i really don't need to my feeble foundation...as i mentioned to a friend in an email tonight, wilco's song 'i can't stand it' has been really on my heart and mind:
"the way things go
you get so low
struggle to find your skin
hey ho
look out below
your prayers will never be answered again

phones still ring
and singers sing
speakers are speaking in code
what now
well anyhow
our prayers will never be answered again

you know it's all beginning
to feel like its ending
no love's as random
as god's love
i can't stand it
i can't stand it..."

everything seems so arbitrary to me right now...i'm not bitter, but i'd be lying if i said i weren't a bit angry...i don't understand...and i know i can't expect to understand...but that doesn't mean i'm not gonna get frustrated about it.

today's soundtrack: last broadcast--doves

alrighty. sometimes life is like a big bowl of granola. you think you can eat that whole thing if you just have enough milk not realizing that your stomach has shrunk in the past 24 hours that you haven't eaten and so you can only eat like half the bowl...deep thoughts by sarah-ji for ya...

ok. so today was pretty much devoted to listening to records and buying records with my friend michael. we walked over to ann sather's cafe for what should have been breakfast or even brunch but because we spent so much time listening to records it was like 1:30 in the afternoon before we got to eat. i should have keeled over dead by then cuz i hadn't eaten since lunch the previous day. yeah, that's where i got my bowl of granola life analogy from...

michael introduced me to the music of doves today. they are frickin' awesome!!! we went to reckless records after breakfast/brunch/lunch and i got their latest cd. i also found a used promo copy of rosie's when we were small, which was funny cuz michael & i had just been talking that morning about her touring w/ bryan ferry, and michael had to explain to me who bryan ferry was. yeah, roxy music. i get it now. i also picked up a copy of john vanderslice cuz ryan told me he's been compared to him. oh. i found a used copy of red house painter's rollercoaster cd. what else? oh, i got a promo onelinedrawing cd for peter. but i'm gonna listen to it first of course.

michael got all these crazy records that i can't even remember the names of. i made him play me that rare flying saucer attack ep that i heard monday night. i just like that one song coming home, which is not even their song, but still i like their version of it. i saw a copy of fsa's first album (according to michael) at reckless, so i'm gonna stop in and get that before someone snags it.

so i just got home and i gotta shower and recharge my battery for damien's show tonight @ schubas. my friend derek, wildwood's new booking agent who's booking for serene so who i need to treat really well, is supposed to come out for that w/ his wife linda and our mutual friends shannon & kriss. i haven't seen shannon since a million years ago, so i'm psyched. i hope they actually show up. they have like 20 kids so it can get kinda hard to get out on a sat. evening i suppose.

yeah, today was a lazy saturday for the most part which is AWESOME. i need more of those kinds of days...gotta slow down my crazy pace before i crash & burn or even worse get used to such a hectic pace of life. this isn't me...i love doing all this stuff yeah and all, but really, who i am is a girl w/ a camera lazily meandering the streets of chicago or the dirt paths of the forest preserves capturing moments of beauty on compactflash card. i was born to lollygag. i was born to read every flyer posted on the reckless records windows. i was born to stop in every record store and every book store and every thrift store going from point a to point b. i was born to browse the used albums section alphabetically title by title from a-z (that's how i almost missed my plane to dallas from austin--i made the mistake of stopping in waterloo records before going to the airport...i got to the c's in the used section and looked at my watch and realized my plane would be leaving without me if i didn't scadaddle). oh yeah, and stop and smell the roses and all that stuff too. cuz there are so many rosebushes in chicago.

anyways, speaking of cameras, i feel like i've become a digital camera salesgirl. i have literally spent at least 2 hours this past week with like 4 different people trying to help them figure out what digital camera is right for them. my expertise comes only from having used a nikon coolpix 995 for like 8 months and from seeing josh's little olympus point & shoot digital camera. but i really do sound like i know what i'm talking about. i know i've sold at least one olympus this week.

ok. i hope there's hot water left...it's frickin' cold here today...

stuff i've listened to--

a whole bunch of stuff michael played for me that i don't remember the names of a lot of which i'll never want to listen to again but some that's worth checking out like DOVES!!! they're good, y'all. just get the album. you won't regret it. unless you don't like that good music...
s/t--hidari mae (for the millionth time and counting...)
oddessy & oracle--the zombies (that's an AWESOME album!!! don't let the name of the band scare you...it's really lovely...)
get lost--magnetic fields
ummm i don't remember what else...the usual i guess...you know, serene, holiday runner, blah blah blah...

ok. photos from the ian moore action company show @ antone's in austin, tx are up and running. just click here. yeah, i know i'm behind like 30 shows from PRIOR to this one, but i love ian, so he gets special attention. i'm in charge here, so i think that's okay. and i gotta tell ya, that show was frickin' kick ass...megan & i had only seen ian do his solo acoustic shows, but i love via satellite so much (it's w/ IMAC, the whole band) so i really really wanted to see an IMAC show, so when this business trip to dallas popped up right after the weekend ian was going to be in austin, i was so thrilled! so i didn't even have to pay for my plane ticket to austin cuz i was flying out w/ a saturday night stay, my 3 legged plane ticket going from ohare to austin to dallas to ohare was like $800 cheaper than if i flew out from ohare on sunday directly to dallas, so my boss was happy i could see a show AND save the company buku dollars.

so anyways, i guess i'll mention my austin trip now. when i got into austin that saturday around noon, it was sunny and in the 80's. i was psyched! chicago was cold when i'd left it. i went to my hotel and got me some pool time. i had that swimming pool all to myself, which is always nice. i met up with my cousin ike who took me to waterloo records, which was totally awesome and brought back memories of college and syler thomas, my old old friend who grew up in austin...i remember that texas flag hanging in his dorm room...and how he showed up in cowboy boots and jeans for a somewhat formal christmas party that he was my "date" to back when i worked at the evanston vcf office...i'll never forget THAT one...and his waterloo records t-shirt--i stole that shirt for months. literally. so being in austin and going to waterloo records brought back some fond memories of what were probably my happiest and most innocent carefree years back at depaul w/ syler & crew...but i'm digressing here...yeah, ike & i spent some time in waterloo (i bought a serene cd here--they carried like 13 copies!! hehehe...) and then had dinner at a place called central market, which is this really cool grocery store kinda like whole foods with a restaurant in it that's got really good food.

so ike had to work that night so i went and got my car from the hotel and then picked up ian from his manager's house. we grabbed a quick thai dinner, went to a friend's bday party and then made our way to antone's for the IMAC show. it was great seeing chris dye (ian's tour manager extraordinnare) again. i got to meet the other members of the band. greg the bass player, nina the drummer who is really petite but plays mean drums, and derek the keyboardist who was really sweet but crazy on stage. the band really rocks out during shows. it was kinda eye-opening to see ian doing an electric show after only seeing his acoustic shows. he didn't sit in no chair for this one. they did some new songs that were kinda poppy which i really liked. one was called 'walk on by' i think. that was a really catchy one. and they did a cover of 'be my baby' that nina sang the lead vocals for which was totally fun. she's got a great voice. actually, i think the entire band can sing which is cool cuz the harmonies they did were like totally awesome. ian's voice is complemented so well w/ good harmonies cuz he's got such a beautiful voice. they did the sam cooke cover jesus wash away my troubles for one of the encores, and it was breathtaking...i love that song so much...it really makes me just wanna weep. i called megan's voice mail when they played that song and left it as the message...she totally loved it cuz that's her favorite ian song too...i really wish megan could've been with me...next time i go to austin, i have to take her with...

so i was totally blown away by the show. i really wish i could go to austin for new year's eve now to see them play again...and the band was so sweet to me. i also got to meet ian's webmaster mark alba, who is one of the nicest people i've ever met. on sunday, i hung out w/ ian for lunch and then a football game on tv. i have to say the best part of the weekend was being able to spend time with ian. that was totally special. i also had a chance to hang out w/ chris and mark after we dropped off ian at the airport, and that was a lot of fun. chris & i got to go to waterloo records, and he got the all-time quarterback cd cuz i raved about it (that's ben of death cab for cutie's side project--totally awesome cd in my humble opinion but then again i'm in love w/ ben's voice so i may be biased...) and i picked up a couple cds at his suggestion (the zombies' odessy & oracle and james' seven). i love going to record stores with other music lovers.

i definitely need to go back to austin...oh yeah! i'm going to SXSW in march!!! that's gonna be a blast. i hope serene and some of my other friends will be there as well. i know ian will be playing for sure.

so tonight my best friend josh calls me at aroun 11:15pm my time, past midnite his time. i knew something was up cuz since he's changed time zones from pacific to eastern, i don't get late phone calls from him. turns out lielle got stuck in manhattan, so he couldn't sleep. brought back memories of when josh and i would call each other back when he was in california at the oddest hours--josh would call me to be lulled to sleep, and i'd call him to stay awake at the wheel. we have a great symbiotic relationship.

last night was like old times...we talked goofing around for two hours. we yahoo instant messaged each other for old time's sake, and we made a very interesting discovery. if you have the latest version of yahoo messenger, they have these things called IM environments that are interactive. for example, there's a fighting game that i kicked josh's ass on. and there's chess. we couldn't figure that one out. but our favorite was the DOODLE IM environment. it is so frickin' awesome! you and your instant message buddy can draw on the same page at the same time!!! like how cool is that?! josh and i spent a good hour and a half doing that i think. then when you're done, you can print the picture, and yahoo will print it with like a picture frame around it and everything. i'm gonna make josh draw with me on a regular basis, and then maybe we could publish our drawings or something. interactive art via the internet...yeah...

i get to see josh in like TWO WEEKS!!!!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!!! i haven't seen the boy since like march 18th when he drove away for the eastern time zone...that's like 7 months ago...i wonder if i'll even recognize him. since he's been living w/ lielle for the past 9 months, he should've started looking like her by now. you know how couples start looking like each other after a while? well, for josh that's a good thing cuz lielle is so much better looking than he is.

i'll get to see caleb too. haven't seen him in 2 months. not that it's of much consequence since i never saw him much in the first place. but we're gonna see idlewild in new york city and that is so totally rad i can't wait!!!!!!! i had almost considered going to europe next year so that maybe i could catch a live idlewild show, but now i guess i don't have to do that. whew! that saves me like $700.

some stuff i've been listening to:
s/t--hidari mae (y'all know how i feel about this one...)
and all the colors...--ian moore
let us garlands bring--early day miners
placer found--early day miners
waters ave s--damien jurado
ghost of david--damien jurado
i break chairs--damien jurado & gathered in song
get lost--magnetic field (i love this album!)
american english ep--idlewild
100 broken windows--idlewild
disintegration--the cure
s/t--serene
beggars of the sea--serene (their 1st cd w/ different musicians and a few different songs)
s/t--holiday runner
philadelphia songs--denison witmer
on avery island--neutral milk hotel
the photo album--death cab for cutie
to the roof of the sky--vigilantes of love

here's a funny story. at least it's funny to me...

so i get home like 15 minutes ago & i call my friend amy's (of pete & amy) cell phone, but she doesn't answer, so i call her home phone. as her husband pete answers their home phone, i get a call on my cell phone and i answer it, and simultaneously, i've got pete saying hello in my right ear and amy saying "hey, i saw you called" in my left ear. so i talk into both phones at once and tell them i've got both of them on the phone, one in each ear. so amy's like, "oh, well talk to peter then." and at the same time pete's like "well, i'm gonna jump in the shower so talk to amy."

you had to have been there...it's amazing how easy it is to talk into two phones at the same time, but you risk getting hung up on by both parties once they know you're on w/ someone else in the other ear.

i listened to 'dissension' by hidari mae all the way home from work...yeah, for like 50 minutes straight...i can actually sing the whole song now. andy sings it in exactly my key. i love songs i can sing along to...

song i'm singing along to now: "like so many things we do" by holiday runner (jesse sprinkle really)--
..."the worth of life is altered once again
and either way the highway is a friend"

ok. this blog has become seriously pathetic. what the heck have i been up to lately?! oh well.

anyways, i've got two bands for you to check out. no, i'm not talking about serene this time. but you should check them out too...

early day miners (secretly canadian)--ok. i saw these guys back in april at schuba's when they opened up for jason molina of songs:ohia. i really liked them at the time but their latest cd hadn't been released then. so i'm in waterloo records last last weekend in austin, and what do i find in the used section? 'let us garlands bring', early day miners' latest cd. so i picked it up and i had a chance to listen to it on the plane ride from austin to dallas last monday. the whole plane ride i had to fight back the tears because the songs were so frickin' beautiful they made me cry. esp. the last song on the cd "a common wealth"--that was a 17 minute doozie that could be a filmscore. now i know not everyone gets into my ambient/gently melodic arpegiated guitar riff/hi-hat brushing/shoegazing/slowcore/lyrically minimal music, but i really loved this cd. go check them out. you can download songs from their website. or buy the cd from insound. or your local record store.

hidari mae (panther fact records)--this is a mainly seattle area band fronted by andy myers, the drummer for damien jurado (who's doing a solo gig @ schubas on sat. w/ jason molina by the way) band gathered in song, and also includes eric fisher (gathered in song's guitarist as well as rosie thomas's guitarist) and andy's brother josh myers and greg danforth. andy writes all the lyrics and sings, and i guess the band collaborates on the music. i love andy's voice. i love andy's lyrics. lyrics such as 'like a feather in a hurricane"..."the sky is the lid, the stars are airholes"..."cigarettes with lipstick stains"..."life will bleed away/ into a million billion forevers"..."connection severed between heart and vocal chords"...i love hidari mae's melodies and harmonies. megan and i met andy & greg at the bowling alley in seattle for rosie & eric's going away to europe thingie back at the end of august. andy is so totally indie rock it was quite overwhelming, and he's also probably one of the sweetest creatures i've ever met. megan and i are going to see hidari mae in seattle next month when they open up for denison. i told andy we were coming but not to tell deni so we could surprise him. if you want to buy hidari mae's cd you can get it at insound or amazon. or send a check to panther fact.

going to new york on halloween w/ connolly & olarn. on separate planes. going to see josh my bestest buddy who is now engaged to his lovely lielle. gonna see caleb for idlewild which is going to be frickin' awesome. i've totally been digging the song american english by idlewild. and of course 100 broken windows is just brilliant. in my humble opinion of course.

then i'm off to seattle on nov. 12th to see serene play w/ the gloria record at the crocodile cafe! that's the first venue that i ever saw a rock'n'roll show at in seattle. my cousin kris & i saw pinback there back in october of 2000. i think that was kris's first show ever. wow. that's like huge...i'll see serene play again the next day in portland, or. megan will join me in seattle that thursday and we'll see hidari mae & denison witmer play on friday. then back home sunday. i miss seattle...here' s site i found today that shows cam shots of one of my all-time favorite spots in the city, red square on the UW campus where ryan, jesse, meg & i romped around the last night we were in seattle. that was such a dreamy evening...and i was totally sober...i think i was the only one though...

so my friend michael of the band watchers is like milimeters away from signing w/ gern blandsten out of nj. if anybody knows an entertainment lawyer who'll work probono, please let me know.

alright, mr. joshua mars robertson, just calm down...you don't need to email me complaining about my lack of posts...i know i haven't been around but i've been flying the friendly skies. 3 airplanes in 5 days. sheesh.

austin, tx rocks...more later...to pete & amy's i go...

cds i picked up at waterloo records in austin (i went to the record store every day i was in austin....that's what i call a great vacation!)--
on avery island--neutral milk hotel (the bomb!)
seven--james (courtesy of chris dye stanley the rubber chicken's original owner)
navy blue--sloan
just for a day--slowdive (i love neil halstead...i love neil halstead...i love neil halstead...)
lull in traffic--the gloria record
s/t--the gloria record (austin boys)
bryter later--nick drake (this is the first time i've found a used nick drake cd!!! that's like finding a used wilco cd!!!)
drawn to the deep end--gene
let it be--the beatles (and you don't find used beatles albums too often either)
odessy & oracle--the zombies
let us garlands bring--early day miners (i will be commenting on this cd later...let's just say it made me cry on the plane ride from austin to dallas...i still get teary-eyed just thinking about it...order your copy from secretly canadian...and they're coming to the empty bottle on monday 10/14!!!! they'll also be at the mercury lounge in new york city on 10/20.)