well, jesse's stuck somewhere either in missouri or western illinois and can't swing by chicago before demon hunter's show midnite on wednesday at c-stone...i was so bummed when he called me yesterday to break the news to me...i mean, i spent hours on saturday plunging my bathtub drain and pouring various chemicals down that spout and sticking a long wire thingamajig called a snake (auger?) down that cavernous abyss and still not getting a satisfying enough of a tornado drainage...refer to my march 15th 05:27 post and you'll see that me and that drain have had a rocky relationship...all that muscle work for jesse...oh well...i'm happy to report that i am able to shower without ending up in calf-deep water...not only that, i did ANOTHER load of laundry! that's TWICE in ONE WEEK! that's a record...on the bright side, i don't have to figure out what to do w/ four heavy metal boys (feeding & storage)...

so before i forget....

friday night was the love poetry slam...very intimate with a few folks...sat outdoors @ aion...lovely weather...

saturday, teddy & i went to the burbs to help his grandma move...we were there until late afternoon...by evening back in the city, we were pretty exhausted...we went to hi ricky's for dinner and walked over to get me high but ethan wasn't spinning so we left...the detholz were playing @ martyr's but i was too tired for a show...

sunday, teddy worked and i went to see him during his lunch break...it was when i pulled into the trader joes parking lot that i got jesse's call with the bad news...i could've cried, i was so bummed...partly cuz i was so sore from plunging to the point that i had stigmataesque sores on my palms...oh well...

teddy took my little red hottie to midas cuz the brakes have been squeaking louder than a bevy of teenage girls at a nsync concert...and i gotta maneuver that thing through mobs and mobs of pedestrians @ cstone this week, which means stop-n-go, stop-n-go, and i don't think my motorized teenage fan club will be very much appreciated...you literally need ear plugs it's so loud...or WAS loud...the good old boys who fixed my flat tire for free back in december (refer to my december 8th post) at midas by the fireside fixed my brakes and now my little red hottie is as quiet as...uh...a mouse? no...mice squeak...uh...quiet as a corn flake...there...how's that...no, corn flakes crunch...uh...quiet as...oh whatever...let's move on...

teddy & i biked down to the lake down by diversey harbor today after work...the hardest part of the whole ride was carrying my bike up and down the damn stairs at my apartment...the view of the western horizon at dusk from the lakeside rocks was spectacular...'god's sky' teddy called it...the colors reflected in the big fluffy cottoncandy clouds with the rays shooting through at various angles just like a painting...you expected to hear a choir singing the hallelujah chorus and a snowwhite dove to fly down with an olive branch in its beak...lovely...

i got to level 12 and 129 lines and like >91,000 points on tetris today...that's a record for me...

so bill mallonee & the tiny silver hearts (formerly known as either the vigilantes of love or the trophy wives) are playing tomorrow @ schubas...in case you don't know, bill mallonee is very, very important to me...i get teary-eyed when i think about how much he means to me...he is one of the most talented (and prolific) songwriters i know...and he is so passionate...reminds me of my dad...(sniff sniff)...annie quick is opening up for him and so is my buddy derek becker in the security council, his latest band...it should be a RAWKIN' SHOW!! oh yeah....

and then it's on to c-stone on wednesday...you can't stop the ROCK DUDE!!!!

been listening to--
hootenanny--the replacements
tim--the replacements
the execution of all things--rilo kiley
V.O.L.--VoL

somebody bring out the champagne...i have succeeded in riding the metra everyday this week! that's 300 less miles for my car...which i will make up in one way to cornerstone...nevertheless, this train thing is gonna save so much on wear and tear on my car...and considering i'm driving to new york for josh's wedding in october, i need to avoid driving as much as possible...

well, my life becomes a crazy mess officially as of...right now...the monthly poetry slam @ aion will be a love poetry slam...that's tonight @ 7pm...tomorrow morning, grandma d's moving...the detholz are playing sat night @ martyr's...i've never been there...actually, no, that's not true...i've been there before...w/ josh & connolly...but josh didn't have his driver's license on him and so we had to go to a coffeeshop instead of the rockabillyshow...then i dunno when jesse's getting here...the demon hunter tour officially ends on sat. in kansas city...so the earliest would be sunday night...which means i'll probably spend sunday frantically cleaning and, depending on who all is coming, trying to figure out how to fit 4 rockers in my apartment besides myself...i guess i'm gonna have to sleep in my folding hammock/cot...which is what i did when ryan, jesse & tillman crashed at my place on their way from new york to seattle...if it ends up just being jesse, then it's nice and simple...ah well, we'll make do somehow...

i'm on vacation from work starting next tuesday so i can spend some time w/ jesse before cstone...then it's the bill mallonee & the silver hearts & annie quick & derek & the security council @ schubas tues night! i can't wait for that show!!!! i can't wait to hear bill w/ his new band...i've been listening to VoL all day now...and then it's off to cstone on wednesday! 4 days of rock 'n' roll! woohoo! i wish ryan were gonna be there...and caleb...and megan...and mikey b...and teddy...*sigh*...last year's cstone is pretty much plastered to the hallowed halls of my memories...

been listening to--
summershine--VoL
audible sigh--VoL
to the roof of the sky--VoL
V.O.L.--VoL
killing floor--VoL
perfume letter--bill mallonee
disintegration--the cure

i love 9:30 am meetings that are over at 9:33 am in which all i do is tell my boss i'm going on vacation the next week!

i am a metra convert...i don't ever want to drive to work ever again...i love being able to read, write, doze, think...and i get to come in contact with a sea of rush hour humanity...driving is stupid if you can do the train...

i am also determined to ride my bike more...here are a couple chicago area cycling activities that ted & i are interested in:
the L.A.T.E. ride (Long After Twilight Ends) this is chicago's after midnight all night ride, beginning 1:30 am @ the buckingham fountain...ending w/ breakfast @ buckingham fountain at sunrise.
chicago cycling club neigborhood bike tours here's an interesting way to see the city...i'm gonna have to learn to operate my camera while on a bike...

i think i would use my bike more if i didn't have to lug it up and down the stairs since i live in the attic...oh well...

today i finished franny and zooey by jd salinger, which i'd put on hold to accommodate 9 stories & raise high the roof beam, carpenter.s..the ending to zooey nearly crushed me...that's the danger of reading on trains in public...you don't know when you'll be caught off guard and get all emotional...now i'll be the first to admit that franny & zooey can get all convoluted and downright irritating...that's why the ending catches you totally off guard and you just wanna bawl right along with franny...

*sigh*...

so i got a call from jesse, and he and the boys of demon hunter are going to make a trip out to chicago after all! my powers of persuasion prevailed! i can't wait! this time, i'll make sure jesse gets to do fun chicago things! oh boy...so much happening...ted's best friend brian comes to town from germany this weekend...he'll be here for 3 weeks...and then there's cornerstone...yikes! there's so much going on...and so many shows i want to see!

today when i got home from work, i played tetris on game boy for i won't disclose how long...then i went to have dinner w/ ted @ trader joes during his 'lunch' break...they have really cheap rolls...there was this new one called wasabi shrimp roll that was absolutely yummy! they're like 3.79 or something for like 5 or 6 pieces...we ate outside on a bench watching the last few moments of the sunset...at 9:15pm it was still a sticky 87 degrees...ugh...

i could really use a cool refreshing shower...but i think i'll wait until morning...i'm wiped out...

i think i'm gonna hit the hay...

been listening to--
the execution of all things--rilo kiley
sleeping on roads--neil halsted
the photo album--death cab for cutie
when we were small--rosie thomas
s/t ep--the swords project

i am southbound on a metra train as i write this...it is 5:30pm and i am on my way home from work...i gobbled up the last tidbits of seymour: an introduction by jd salinger on my way north to work and by virtue of lacking reading material, i am forced to write instead...i think i will make it a new habit...read one way to or from work, and write the other...this will keep me a well-rounded literary person, or so i hope...well, enough with the disclaimers and introductions...

so what's been going on...well...let's see...i don't recall what i did friday night...uhm..damn, my short term memory is becoming downright atrocious...oh yeah...we went to badabing! on north ave. for pizza...i remember going there w/ connolly & olarn when they first opened up last spring...back then it was little more than an 'upscale' fast italian food joint with high hopes...today, it's a hoppin' wicker park/bucktown night spot (i say this tongue in cheek), w/ a roof deck, patio seating, like 3 parking spaces, sofa lounge, bar, and even a dj and palm reader on the weekends...it's really one of those places that i consciously try to avoid because it has all the charm of a spruced up yugo and commands my interest at about the level of a thumb tack...i am no hipster and i don't play one on the latest reality tv show, but i am aware of the high probability that any interesting experience to be had at a place called badabing (outside the immediate company you may be keeping that night) will more likely than not have to do with the sheer ridiculousness of being at a place called badabing...

enough said on that...after pizza, we went to caffe de luca for dessert...ah...chocolate brownie w/ strawberry gelato on the eve of summer...with some live soft jazz unobtrusively setting the mood...amongst patrons for whom i could feel an immediate affinity (those warm affections being based on some one having the same appleseed cast button on her purse as mine)...lovely...

saturday afternoon was spent in the summer sun...playing drums...eating del reys and nachos in front of the tube watching animatrix...that's the series of 9 animated shorts related to the matrix the movie...the images and stories were disturbing...not exactly light saturday evening entertainment...

sunday, we (we being teddy & i) went to the hyde park vineyard...we ran into pete & amy & little elliot on the way in...we missed worship, which i would later regret because it was some kid from england (w/ an accent and everything) & peter nicholson (steve & cindy's son, my old pastors from evanston vineyard) on congas...oh well...rand was teaching from colossians...he managed to keep me from daydreaming for the entire teaching...in fact it was quite good...stirred up stuff...after church, teddy & i went to the noodle place on 57th and we talked about the service...i think it was a positive experience for both of us...i'm hoping to connect more w/ pete & amy in the future...anyways, i'm glad rand had a chance to meet ted...aud wasn't there though...oh well...maybe next time...

sun. night, teddy, his sis lauren and i went to see this funny movie called l'aberge espagnole or something...it's in french & it's a lotta fun...made us all wanna pack our bags and go hang out in europe...after the movie, we went to lauren's for cappucinos (lauren's quite a barista and cappucino master) and ice cream sundaes and talked and talked and talked...they gave me the whole family tree dissertation and i just love hearing stories on family histories, so i had a great time...i love spending time w/ lauren & teddy together because i see how they love each other & it's so sweet and it makes me happy to see siblings so devoted and kind to each other...

*****

now i'm home...doing laundry...getting ready to eat pasta and drink a whiskey sour...

been listening to--
summershine--VoL
get lost--the magnetic fields

teddy & i went to see the nerves last night @ the double door...we played pool during the first opening band...i sucked on the first game, but i started getting the hang of it by the 2nd game...teddy finally won by sinking the 8 ball first, but i really almost won this time...anyways, the nerves were awesome...they make you wanna dance...i like the way elliot's sweat goes flying around while he's drumming, and every now and then you gotta steer clear cuz he can spit really far...and seth the bass player is just nuts...it was a fun show...kinda low key and relaxing for us...we didn't drink too much...not even enough to get tipsy...

when we left the show, i just felt inspired to take some photos while we were crossing six corners...then i had this idea that i would start a photo page of the shots i take in wicker park, cuz i love taking pictures in this neighborhood...so here's the page i started...i'll add more stuff later on...

my friend andrei @ work lent me his dvd of animatrix today! i can't wait to watch it this weekend!

teddy & i are going to hyde park vineyard for sure sunday...i wonder what's up over there...if i'm lucky, aud will be leading worship...it'll be great to see her again! i wish i knew where sam was...i better give that boy a call...

been listening to--
1000 hurts--shellac
telefono--spoon

p.s. i don't ever want to drive to work again, EVER...

holy schmoles...i got an email this afternoon from someone @ matador records (cat power, bardo pond, mogwai, gbv, the new pornographers, pretty girls make graves, interpol, pavement, to name a mere few)...the dude's working on a madator 5cd box set for gbv and is considering using my pictures from the metro show last may for the booklet!!! these are the photos he wants to use: photo1 photo2 photo3 and the one to the left here...

man...i remember that show...it was the first show i saw after my dad died...it was the day after the funeral...it was caleb who gently persuaded me to see that show...i also shot my morning jacket, and the photos from those two bands are among my all-time favorites that i've shot of live bands...thank you, caleb...even if matador doesn't end up using my photos, the fact they were interested enough to email me out of the blue is affirmation enough...

teddy was on the phone w/ me when i got the email and we freaked out together! ha ha! caleb was just telling me the other day to publish a book of chicago pics from the people's perspective...he said he'd buy a copy...which is silly cuz he'd get one for free from me if i ever did publish such a book...

in the meantime, here is another chicago photographer who's got me inspired...i'm tiddleywinks compared to her...

p.s. isn't it weird that i was listening to guided by voices yesterday and got that email today?

so last night teddy & i trekked all the way out to west dundee, near his parents' house, to the clearwater theater...my friend david bruce was playing a show there...it was a nice little venue...the only venue in that neck of the woods i understand...teddy took drum lessons down the street for 4 years, and back then that place was used as a theater, and he had thought it would make a great venue...well, he was right...even the empty bottle's putting on shows there...here are photos from the show...

anyways, it was good to finally see dave perform live...for someone who's just started writing songs recently, he's doing pretty good...i mean, he gets to make music for a LIVING...yes, that's what he does...he plays shows and gets paid for it...imagine that...he plays a really mean guitar, i gotta say...i've been meaning to catch a show of his for the last 4 months...ironically, last saturday when i was in lake zurich (which is where dave plays often), dave played in wrigleyville in the city...so i really HAD to trek it to west dundee for this show...it was a solo acoustic set, but he got to play for a good hour or so...all the folks who showed up were there to see dave, and he was happy about that...granted, the headlining band was an unknown from richmond, VA...dave's best friend scott p. whom i met through chris langill and tim @ bill mallonee's show a year ago was there as well...we told him about our seattle trip and how we almost hooked up w/ his sister, who's friends w/ teddy's brother charles & his wife ali...scott gave me a heads up on the taste of randolph street fest this weekend...evan dando of the lemon heads will be performing friday @ 6:30 and spoon will be headlining saturday @ 8pm...i don't know if i can make evan dando, but i definitely wanna see spoon!

i am going to attempt church again this sunday...i think i'll try good old hyde park vineyard this time...we shall see...i definitely wanna see pete & amy & little elliot (who's not going to be so little any more before ya know it)...

tonight the nerves are playing the double door...i had no idea they were one of teddy's favorite bands...it's a good thing i keep on top of this stuff...when he mentioned this to me last night, my brain immediately pulled up the entry i'd seen on the double door webpage that the nerves were playing in the near distant future...well that near distant future is tonight...so i think i'm gonna go if teddy's up to it...i WAS gonna go see the children's hour, derek's newest band that he's booking for, who toured w/ zwan and are getting really good reviews...but they're playing again @ schubas in july so i think i'll see them then...there are so many great shows coming up i can't even tell ya...

been listening to--
odessey & oracle--the zombies
universal truths & cycles--guided by voices
more motion--trenchmouth
execution of all things--rilo kiley
waters ave south--damien jurado
isn't anything--my bloody valentine
summerteeth--wilco

i have a goal...it's a really simple goal...i want to take the train to work at least 3 times a week...it sounds so simple...and it would be if i wouldn't turn my alarm off before falling back into bed in the morning...hitting the snooze button is one thing...turning the alarm off entirely is leaving yourself at the mercy of your body to get itself up without help from some noisy radio morning talk show...

...yes, i missed the train this morning...by like over an hour...i am so sick of driving...and i'm actually getting disgusted by the exhaust fumes on the highway...and that's w/ my windows rolled up...this morning, i looked in the rearview mirror at the reflection of the downtown skyline, and i was horrified at the haze of smog...ugh! people have to breathe that, ya know! add to that a mercedes benz crushed from both ends on the edens and construction on the tri-state and what you've got is a morning rush nightmare...

i was having a discussion earlier w/ ted's brother dave about how things like the industrial revolution, science and technology have affected human behavior and thought...we're so consumed with these things that we hardly have any free time at all...i just can't imagine what it would be like to live in an agrarian society or a hunter/gatherer society with no cars, trains, planes, boats, computers, tv, electricity, telephones, cell phones, stoves, microwaves, running water, toilets, melon balls, cd players, music, paper, writing instruments, books...i mean, what kind of thoughts would you even have? then dave & i were talking about practicing boredom...meaning practicing doing nothing...that's so hard to do for most folks i would imagine...i think it's a good idea though...to just sit still and not do anything for a few moments of the day...instead of just going w/ the crazy current of everyday life and being swept away...

been listening to--
dust--screaming trees
pink heart yellow moon--dressy bessy
PL--BM

warning: listening to cat power's moon pix and the mountain goat's tallahassee in succession can result in a melancholy that can only be remedied by a visit to the local used record store...

...and so i found myself walking to reckless records at 9:10 pm to get over a music-induced funk...well, i'm sure it wasn't ALL music induced, but i tend to be higly susceptible to emotional sabotage launched by dumb playlist choices on my jukebox...

...warm summer night...cig tin nowhere in sight...means a trip to the burning leaf conveniently on the way to reckless...bars and bars overflowing with humans crowding my parade route...the white noise of the small talk of beautiful strangers invading my bubble of discontent...export-a my friend...short like me but can get me high in a few short puffs...esp on an empty stomach...criss cross over north damen milwaukee intersection...past the noisy din of the double door's raucous tuesday night lineup...walking as slowly as possible...and still outside the reckless entrance, a 3/4 quarters new canadian stoke is prematurely crushed without so much as an apology...

...within 2 minutes of entering reckless, a few bars of the cure's 'boys don't cry' over the store speakers are enough to lift the fog, and i am happily flipping the familiar plastic sleeves of info looking for a used rilo kiley...SCORE...and on to a night of quality loot, all used...here's the inventory:
disintegration (the cure)--ever since i lost my copy last december, i've been looking for a used copy every time i go to reckless, and finally they had one today...i'm listening to it right now, getting my fix...
execution of all things (rilo kiley)--because brandon told me i need to listen to rilo kiley
1000 hurts (shellac)--it was cheap
more motions (trenchmouth)--like how often do you run into a used trenchmouth cd? like hardly ever...oh, if you don't know who trenchmouth is, you know fred armisen of saturday night live? also the dude who "interviewed" jeff tweedy on the "i am trying to break your heart" wilcomentary...he's the drummer, and damon locks & wayne montana of the eternals are in it too...
the embassy tapes (the nation of ulysses)--rawk 'n' roll dude
lucky shoe (september 67)--ah, the pop bliss of shannon worrell and kristin ashbury...my friends jen sampson & john roberts let me kidnap their copy for almost a year, but i just gave it back when i saw john a month ago...i consider myself quite lucky to have found a copy...
isn't anything (my bloody valentine)--do i need an excuse to buy a used mbv album? no, i didn't think so...

...tonight i called caleb and we had a long talk about some questions rattling around in my head...the rattling hasn't stopped, but talking to caleb always calms me down and gives me a nice friendly shove in the right direction...poor caleb...spending his summer deciphering centuries old chicken scratch...i really wish he could be at bill's schuba show in a couple weeks...it would be a few days shy of being a year from the VoL cd release party there last year when kevin (the drummer) threw out a tambourine into the crowd and caleb caught it and got to play along w/ kevin, jake and bill...that was such a fun show...UHQ rocked prior to bill...all these memories...a summer spent with folks who normally reside in other states and time zones results in a hazy magical pop-up picture book of memories that you peruse wondering if it was real or a product of your imagination...

there is something inherently nostalgic about summer for me...the long long hot days and warm nights are thick with sentimental tendencies...the summer solstice will be here in a few short days...and what will this summer hold for me? even now, i have that same feeling i have had at the beginning of summers past...the feeling of not wanting the summer to end before it's even had a chance to begin...because having lived through my fair share of summers, i know how i miss the summer when autumn takes over, how i long for the summer when winter bites out of the blue arriving as always much too soon...

been listening to--
moon pix--cat power
tallahassee--the mountain goats
electric version--the new pornographers
disintegration--the cure

ok...so i'm going to be entering show mode...or so i think i am...i need more sleep these days than i'm willing to admit...i think i'm getting at least 6 hours every night...that's about a 50% increase from past months...am i getting old or am i wising up? who knows...anyways, here are the shows i WANT to see...what i'll have the time & money for is another story...if i didn't work but still got paid the same amount i do now, i would be at every single one of these shows...and more...

ah, what else...nothing else i guess...

well, i survived another father's day without my dad...this year was different from last year's though...totally different...

teddy & i went to our friend christina's church yesterday...it was a small congregation affiliated w/ the presbyterian church in america (PCA)...they're called grace church of chicago, and they meet in the chicago dramatists' building on chicago & milwaukee...they serve intelligentsia coffee (chicago's own roast) and letizia's bakery muffins...the people were very nice and welcoming...my friend nanette who's doing the wicker park spirituality discussion group went with us...for someone like me who's worked hard at erasing memories of church services prior to joining the vineyard in evanston, the liturgical format at this church was somewhat foreign...i thought it was a lovely service, and the pastor didn't bullshit the congregation...but i'm slowly coming to the realization that after all i've experienced in the vineyard, it's going to be really really hard for me to find a church where i feel at home...and i'm not TRYING to be a spoiled brat about it, but if i'm going to subject myself to a structured environment for spiritual edification for 90 or so minutes on a sunday MORNING (quite likely after being at a show or party until 2am the previous night), then i would prefer it to be in a setting i would enjoy being in on a semi-regular basis (which for me would be like once a month)...*sigh*...but i kinda do want to be in some sort of a group...does anybody know of a church in chicago where i can show up late or on time or get up and walk around and sit or stand or kneel or raise my hands or whatever and not feel like a weirdo? where at least some of the leaders are NOT wearing dockers and boat shoes or penny loafers...where the music sounds more like pedro the lion or idlewild or u2 or VoL than maranatha or bill gaither...where your worth is not measured in what you own or your job or even what you can *do for god* or in the visible maturity of your faith...where your worth is not measured, period, but considered a given based on your being human...where a good percentage of the members, if you looked through the stuff they carried around, you'd find a pair of ear plugs...where service begins at a time later than 11 am...where a total outsider can sit through the sermon and announcements and minglings and be able to understand 80% of what's said without referring to an evangelical jargon dictionary...if you know of such a church, please let me know...

after church, nanette & teddy & i had brunch @ this place that christina recommended called flo's on chicago ave...it was awesome food...we had a good talk about churches in general, about the matrix, about heaven, about angels, etc...before we knew it i had to run to meet my mom & bro in the burbs...

my mom had wanted to get together for father's day to talk about our dad...it was an obvious attempt to get either jim or me to talk...i don't think we're there yet though...for some reason, i can't talk about my feelings regarding my dad with the ones who were also closest to him...i don't know why...in some ways, my dad was the unifier in our family, and i think without him around, i just don't know how to relate...i feel so disconnected from them...i realized that i dislike going to my mom's house or even calling my mom or bro because i can't do these things without being painfully reminded how much my dad is missing from our lives...i'm fine when i'm on my own for the most part, but whenever i see my mom or my bro, it's like there's this dotted-line figure hovering next to us where my dad should be...so many blank lines in our conversations where my dad would have had something to say...and his laugh...i miss that crazy laugh of my dad's...and his toothy smile...his corny jokes and stories...boy, could my dad be CORNY...and he loved laughing at his own jokes and stories...

we went to the cemetery to visit his gravesite...i noticed a lot of folks visiting gravesites...i saw a young woman and a young man standing quietly just staring at the grave marker of someone i assume was their dad...at the restaurant eating dessert, i noticed all the families, esp. the dads...

and although i feel the pain of not having my dad with me for father's day, i do have sources of comfort as well...for example, seeing tim again on saturday reminded me how much i love seeing him with his boys...and he was definitely there during those first weeks after losing my dad...and when i was at his house, i saw a family photo of bill mallonee with his wife brenda and his boys josh & joe...it really touched me to see that photo and to be reminded of how much bill has comforted me this past year, not only through his songs, but on a personal level as well in the time we've spent at various festivals and through his wisdom and encouragement and prayers in email...not only that, i know he's had a deep impact on the lives of my friends caleb and brandon...where would i have been without caleb on so many occasions this past year? he's been a friend, brother, mentor, sanity saver, fellow rocker...

the web of friends that magically seemed to build itself during the past year in which i almost started my life over from scratch never fails to amaze me...the garden lounge's miranda stone concert which led me to pastemusic.com which led me to denison witmer, pedro the lion, damien jurado and bill mallonee among others, shooting denny's show which got me hooked on concert photography which led me to shoot bill's show where i met tim white and through which caleb stumbled on my website and meeting megan through tim and all the lovely wildwood artists including mikey bales and meeting ryan & jesse of serene @ cornerstone & running into rand at just the right time to give me a bit of guidance which months later would lead to pete & amy & sam and meeting derek who tipped me off on watchers and running into matt dobschuetz who tipped me off on duvall which was the reason i went to the watchers show in the first place and to be taking photos at that show which caused michael to introduce himself to me which led to meeting the rest of watchers which led to meeting teddy which led to a million other things...even seemingly accidental things leading to significant relationships...like when that band what's their name didn't show up at the fireside so i went to schubas instead and met ian moore...or responding to one little question on the VoL grouplist which led to my friendship w/ brandon...and the list goes on and on...

life is incomprehensibly beautiful in the midst of the pain and the brokenness...

been listening to--
quiet is the new loud--kings of convenience
PL--BM
i break chairs--damien jurado
achtung baby--u2

saturday, teddy & his roommate jozka & i went up to the wildwood office and i met w/ tim, leighann, debbie and erica the new intern while my boys romped in the backyard on the trampoline w/ tim's boys jack & brennan...everyone managed to keep all limbs intact somehow...tim is getting ready to move into the wildwood mansion next weekend...i can't wait to see that place...i asked for my own bedroom...i got all sorts of loot in the form of cds from tim...even teddy & jozka got some free stuff, c/o the 77s leftovers from their tour...






after the meeting at wildwood, we went up to mikey v's house for his party...actually, the party wasn't to start for HOURS...it was basically the four of us hanging out playing pool and badminton until other people started showing up...badminton is always fun, esp. in mikey's spacious yard...we had a keg of miller lite to liquify us...i stuck to oj for the most part...megan showed up for a little while...we just chatted and got caught up...i haven't seen her in months it seems! she's really busy these days taking summer courses and moving etc...

mikey's coworker's from california pizza kitchen started showing up around the time we set up the bonfire...we all gathered around and jozka got his guitar out and started playing songs...he played a song he wrote that i always make him play whenever he has his hands on his guitar...we actually made him play it twice...the song's about driving to teddy's brother's wedding a couple summers ago...i always feel so tingly sad when i listen to it...i get in my jd salinger mode which is kind of hard to explain or even justify considering i really should be grown up by now...i guess one of the things i really love about being w/ these guys is that they're like characters in a coming-of-age movie...which makes me feel like i'm in a coming-of-age movie...and everybody loves being in the movies, right?

by the end of the night, we had the djembes out as well as mikey's gyile, which is a marimba or xylophone-like instrument from ghana...mikey played a lovely and rather upbeat funeral song which was totally rad...it was lovely sitting in front of the fire...there was a full moon somewhere in the night sky...it was chilly, and the smoke from the fire was our only cloak of protection from the bloodthirsty mosquitoes...those things are brutal in the burbs...all in all, it was a lovely day, hanging with just teddy, jozka & mikey until the others showed up...we were sufficiently exhausted by the time we headed back into the city...



more later...

my little scheme to get jesse to visit chicago on the way to cornerstone is working! he totally bought the idea and is going to work on the rest of the demon hunter boys...he he he...i knew jesse wouldn't want to come THIS close to chicago without spending some time here...i guess one of his best friends moved out here, so he wants to visit him too...oh my gosh! that is gonna be such a blast! having jesse here when bill & annie are playing will be super special...i know jesse really likes VoL stuff...and sheesh...he like toured w/ annie as her drummer last year...and he'll get to see derek's band too! awesome! hmm...that means i'll have to take more vacation days...but like jesse said in his email, we could make up for what didn't happen in seattle...yes...it's true...i still feel a sense of incompleteness cuz i didn't get my time w/ jesse...i mean the whole reason i booked this trip back in march was cuz jesse didn't make it to chicago on the serene tour.

went and saw ester drang & starflyer 59 last night...ester drang blew me away...not in a rock 'n' roll way...they were more soundscapey like the 6 parts 7 or early day miners...but still beautiful music...i like the dude's voice...and i just found out i'll get to see them again @ cornerstone...they're opening up for pedro the lion...RAWK ON KIDS!!! starflyer59 were rawkin' too but their new songs are now what i expected...maybe i was just too tired...i did see andrew the drummer for the detholz! he really liked ester drang too...i had no idea he was into shoegazer bands but apparently he really loves stuff like slowdive and the cocteau twins & my bloody valentine...i also ran into kriss marion and maxwell...we had a nice chat...kriss is sporting her blonde marilyn look for the summer...ultra cute of course...if i ever have 4 kids ranging in age from primary school to teens, i hope i can look half as cute as kriss and have a quarter of the energy she always seems to have...

on a sadder note, josh's kitty freddy passed away yesterday...he was only about a year old i think...he was some cat...i know josh & lielle really loved him...now linus is alone...but as short a life as it was, he had a good one...josh adored him...he'd tell me that freddy would copy whatever he did...like a copy cat i guess...it'll be sad going to new york and not seeing that orange tornado of fur...god bless the kitty cats...

been listening to--
infinite keys--ester drang
locket full of moonlight--bill mallonee
photo album--death cab for cutie

AGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
ok...got that out of my system...traffic sucked...i was forced to exit at dempster and take crawford/pulaski to bryn mawr to lincoln to washtenaw to farragut to western to ainslie (did a literal drive by cuz ted was outside his sister's apt) to damen to my apt...i probably saved myself 20 minutes...the scary part is that it still took me an hour and a half to get home...

so tim got me a hotel room for cornerstone! kick ASS!!!! you have no idea how hard it is for normal paeons like myself to get a hotel room for that festival...especially 17 days before it starts...so now me & brandon's got a room & i think debbie will stay with us too...if the weather's anything like last year, we're gonna be thanking tim big time...

so i have a little scheme to get jesse to stop off in chicago on the way to cornerstone from his demon hunter tour...i've emailed him and told him his old buddies bill mallonee, annie quick AND derek becker are ALL playing a show @ schubas, which is a venue of some sentimental value to us, and that he & his DH boys should come to chicago for some R& R...i've mentioned my new dvd player...my membersip @ facets...goose island honker's ale...a promised ride to cornerstone for the DH show wednesday night...like what more could he ask for??? hmmm...i should've mentioned homestar runner on unlimited high-speed internet...it's totally foolproof...i know he'll totally want to do it if he can get away with it...i emailed ryan and told him to coax jesse into agreeing to my little scheme here...we shall see...

should i go see starflyer 59 tonight? i'm gonna shower and see how i feel...ester drang is opening which is the main reason i wanna go...they're not playing cornerstone this year and i missed them last year, and they're one band bill mallonee said was worth watching...

right now i'm just a little annoyed with life...while driving down bryn mawr, i had a little pang of self-pity passing all those korean stores & signs...for some reason i thought about my dad...i always think about my dad when things aren't going quite the way i want...or when i want to emotionally throttle someone...or when i'm just plain lonely...i have this idea that if my dad were still alive, everything would be okay...i know that's a fallacy, kind of a copout, an excuse to wallow in my own emotional dirge...*sigh*...but still...

been listening to--
s/t--holiday runner
winners never quit--pedro the lion

this was outside our office windows an hour ago...a lovely little boy deer munching on some greens...now i know a lot of suburbanites can't stand these creatures because they're like all over the place...but i grew up in the city, see...and i still think 'bambi' when i see one of these lovely things...

just found out my friend brandon from bloomington, IN is gonna go to cornerstone with me! i wish ted could go, but i think he's gonna have to work...when he finds out brandon's going though, he'll totally want to go too...*sigh*...oh well...it would've been really great for him...so many bands...so little time...duvall, the band i went to see when ted's old band watchers opened up which was where i first saw ted, is gonna be playing there too...and pedro the lion...and starflyer59...and the violet burning...and denison witmer...not to mention all the great wildwood bands like bill & VoL, UHQ, ticklepenny corner, the 77s, the lost dogs, the detholz!...it's gonna be kickass, yeah!

i have been listening to holiday runner all day...that would be ryan & jesse's stuff not used on the serene cd...actually, two tracks from the holiday runner cd will probably make the next serene cd...listening to holiday runner makes me nostalgic...i remember megan & i played that cd all the way home from cornerstone last year...it's such a jewel of an album...matt's piano is perfect on it, even if he steals from pink moon...more than the music though, those songs remind me of all the goofy fun moments i've shared w/ ryan & jesse & megan & the rest of my seattle boys...from that week at cornerstone...to the crazy night of jager bomb depth charges and spitting on heads from attic apartments when ryan & jesse dropped in on the way from dansville, ny to seattle...to the wildwood gals' first seattle trip the last week of august...seeing ryan w/ a mohawk received while drunk...bumbershoot w/ erik...karaokeing @ the sunset bowl w/ erik...driving all the way to the portico fest to see jesse drum w/ poor old lu and then caravaning home w/ ryan & jesse...stopping off @ sherri's @ 2am...arriving @ ryan's at 5am in federal way...doing the ave w/ jesse the next day...long talk w/ ryan @ flowers lounge as jesse & megan goofed around w/ john our bartender concocter of kickass vodka lemonades...walking through the UW campus in a gentle night rain...ryan's antics in red square...ryan & jesse coming to chicago to meet w/ greg from arena rock & w/ tim & derek...jesse's surprise performance opening up for the lost dogs...closing down the bar @ flatlanders w/ r & j & the lost dogs & greg...'touring' with serene in november--crocodile & the black bird w/ the gloria record--ryan teasing me when i got a hug from chris simpson of TGR...the crazy showboat show in tacoma opening up for dj's...laurel & matt dirty dancing...hanging w/ jesse in the u district...drinking w/ ryan @ a casino in federal way...staying up til morning watching 'beautiful girls' w/ ryan & jesse after driving all night from portland...staying up til morning w/ ryan watching 'the professional' after drinking @ a casino after the tacoma show...ahhhHHhhh...the memories...

...and now tickets between seattle & chicago are back in the $300's...that means no more trips out there for the forseeable future...and that makes me sad...maybe the next time i go out there, i'll be driving a moving truck...who knows...

tonight i'm going to my monthly wicker park spirituality discussion group @ the aion teahouse...teddy's going with me this time...we're supposed to be discussing the spiritual symbolism in the matrix (the movie)...i have to admit i didn't quite get the 2nd one...i've heard people debating elements of the movie back and forth, and i'm thinking to myself, 'i have no idea what these guys are talking about...but the fight scenes were kick ass! that much i know...' so it may be that the answer to all our questions, or the Question itself is in that movie, and i'm totally missing it because really what i enjoy is the kung fu, plain and simple...oh well...

so guess WHAT?! that bill mallonee show coming up @ schubas w/ his swanky young new band the tiny silver hearts? the one on july 1st? annie quick is gonna open up for him!!! and my friend derek, booking agent extraordinnaire for wildwood agency, is gonna have his band (currently called the secuity council and including the extremely talented jon steinmeier of the detholz!) opening up as well...in other words, it's gonna be a kick ass show, yo!




i can't believe cornerstone is only like 3 weeks away...i mean, i still haven't gone through all my photos from last year's cornerstone...shame on me...i wasn't gonna go this year, but i changed my mind cuz bill's playing & jesse's hard core alter ego will be playing in demon hunter & the detholz! will be playing the new band showcase (they're gonna blow everybody away big time, fer sure)...denison will be there...and a bunch of other really good bands...and since there won't be a wildwood booth, i can actually go and see some shows this time around...too bad ryan won't be there...that's where we met last year...the last night of cornerstone...i still remember making a 4am run to hardee's in my car w/ megan, ryan & jesse...meg was driving because i was...uhm...unable to drive...and i was in the backseat w/ jesse...listening to denison on the cd player...jesse drums along...i thought he was pretty good...and then he says he played on that recording, and i was like freaking out...ha ha ha! so many good memories from that week...meeting caleb for the first time...bonding w/ megan...finding out what a goofball denison is in real life...hanging out w/ bill & VoL...meeting the UHQ crew esp erik & mikey...seeing ticklepenny corner live for the first time...warm fuzzy feelings all over again just thinking about it...*sigh*...

been listening to--
it's hard to find a friend--pedro the lion
leave here a stranger--starflyer 59
everybody makes mistakes--starflyer 59

i'm at rt's right now...we just had ice cream sundaes on his roof, but don't tell his landlord...it's a lovely chicago summer night...yeah...kinda muggy but definitely bearable...godiva ice cream was on sale 2 pints for $3.59 so yeah major score on that...add some hot caramel, waffle bowls, and mint chocolate pirouette, and ya got there a really awesome sundae...yummmmmmmm...

i love summer...it's like instant prozac for me...

i listened to pedro the lion's 'it's hard to find a friend' album for the first time in a long time...i always forget how much i LOVE his old stuff...his new stuff is totally kick ass and makes you think and is challenging and all that...but the old stuff made me all soft inside and think about god and about feeling messed up and all that...i've listened to those songs so many times, and still i'm affected by them every time...songs like this one below...

"i could hear the church bells ringing, they peeled aloud your praise
the member's faces were smiling with their hands outstretched to shake
it's true they did not move me, my heart was hard and tired
their perfect fire annoyed me, i could not find you anywhere

could someone please tell me the story
of sinners ransomed from the fall
i still have never seen you, and somedays
i don't love you at all


the devoted were wearing bracelets to remind them of why they came
some concrete motivation and the abstract could not do the same
but if all that's left is duty, i'm falling on my sword
at least then, i would not serve an unseen distant lord

could someone please tell me the story
of sinners ransomed from the fall
i still have never seen you, and somedays
i don't love you at all

if this only a test, i hope that i'm passing,
cuz i'm losing the stake but i still want to trust you

peace be still peace be still peace be still" ~ secret of the easy yoke by pedro the lion

i posted those lyrics back in april of 2002, the day after i found out my dad was dying...and here i am now in june 2003...it seems i've had folks answer my call to "tell me the story of sinners ransomed from the fall"...tim...rand...caleb...bill...ryan...jesse...pete & amy...sam...derek...to name a few...and i'm still waiting for something more...there are days when i believe it all...and there are days when i believe nothing...i suppose the roller coaster of faith and doubt won't ever go away in this life...it's just that i think about my dad and wonder what he thinks about all this...


"dad i broke my promise to you
if you're wondering where i've been
i thought i knew what i was doing
but i was wrong again" ~ from the bells by pedro the lion

p.s. from this entry forward the drummer formerly known as rt will be referred to as 'ted' or 'teddy' or 'red ted' or 'red teddy' or some combination thereof. that's just an fyi...

well, i'm back from seattle...*sigh*...it was a beautiful albeit a hot weekend...friday and saturday were scorching hot, in the 90's...that's unheard of in seattle...most folks don't even have airconditioning cuz it's never necessary...but it was a nice change from the super cold spring we've been having in chicago...and it wasn't humid heat like it would've been in chicago...i did a bunch of touristy stuff...museum of flight, harbor cruise, science museum, space needle, pike place market, seattle center, the shops of broadway on capitol hill, bruce & brandon lee's grave sites, UW, the ave...i also caught demon hunter's first show (a practice show for friends & family) on sunday night...that's jesse's other other other band...it was great to see him drumming again...i hadn't seen him in a zillion years it seemed...his beard's so long now...

it was weird going to seattle without megan...but it was great showing rt my favorite city w/ his brother dave...and i finally got to meet the rest of rt's siblings--charles & his wife ally--who've been living in seattle since last october...we got to stay with them in capitol hill, which was nice...they have two of the nicest behaved cats i've ever met...charles & ally had to work the whole time, but dave was able to go everywhere with us, pretty much, which was cool...i think having dave as co-tour guide made the trip a lot more productive...and he knew the cool cafes and stuff...


whenever i go to seattle, it's like going home...i can't explain it, but i just feel so comfortable there...i know my way around capitol hill pretty well now...i think i'm even a better driver in seattle, which is nuts cuz the streets are so much hillier than chicago...this was my first time in seattle in spring...it was so beautiful...all the greenery is so...so...so GREEN...it's lovely...yeah, i still have my sights on seattle long term...every time i go there, it's harder to leave...

ryan & erik met up with us sunday night for jesse's show...ryan's hair is getting LONG...and he gave me copies of some new serene tracks that they've been recording...i really like it...these songs sound so much different from the last album...they have more of a gloria record feel to them...i can't wait for them to finish recording...i know ryan's been getting sick of doing the old songs, so i'm glad he's got new ones to add to the setlist...

i really want to go back to seattle for bumbershoot over labor day weekend, but the air fares have skyrocketed all of a sudden...i should've bought my ticket back when it was half the price it is now...oh well...i'll have to exercise a little self-discipline i suppose and keep my feet on the ground for a change...there are still no jobs in seattle as far as i've been told...so i'm gonna sit tight for now...and save money for my next trip...

and now it's back to reality...ugh...i'm exhausted...


been listening to--
brief history of the 20th century--gang of four
murray street--sonic youth
keep it like a secret--built to spill

i leave for seattle tomorrow morning...and none too soon...i've been having emerald city withdrawl...and i miss my boys of serene, esp. jesse whom i haven't seen in SEVEN MONTHS...god knows how many times his style of facial hair has changed since i last saw him...

so talk about a small world...i was at the laundromat yesterday night doing a boatload of laundry when i run into christina f. whom i met through chris langill of the garden...she helps out @ the garden coffeehouses, and i've seen her at a couple shows here and there...turns out that she's a friend of rt's and i didn't even know it...he had forwarded to her the link to a photo album he & i had set up of all our activities, and she told me she saw our photos...and then it turns out she's really good friends with aimee, my friend scott's sister, who's friends w/ rt's brother & sisterinlaw in seattle...and then i had this feeling i should ask her where she goes to church, even though i didn't know if she even went to church, and somehow we got on that topic, and turns out her church meets across the street from the MATCHBOX!!! (that's chicago & milwaukee) HA! rt & i have been talking about going there for a month now...so now i have a church to check out when i get back from seattle...

and for those of you wondering why i'm even interested in checking out a church...i dunno...but when things fall into place the way they have, you just go with the flow, ya know what i'm sayin'? like when caleb emailed me out of the blue last year and got me to go to hyde park vineyard...sheesh...that was just nuts...

tonight...rt's friend nikki's opening @ uncommon ground...then q and not u @ the fireside...you can't stop the rawk...

been listening to--
the only reason i feel secure--pedro the lion*
emotions--alaska!
start here--the gloria record
love is here--starsailor
s/t--pinback
the pace is glacial--seam
ancient melodies of the future--built to spill

*ah, pedro the lion...his old stuff...i can't even say how these songs make me want to weep...it's been a long time...

p.s. i finished 'nine stories' by j.d. salinger...GO GET YERSELF A COPY IF YA DON'T HAVE ONE! fer real.

rt finally made my bday cake on saturday...it was a shared bday cake w/ lauren & jason, rt's twin sister & bro, who had bdays this weekend...it took the poor boy the entire afternoon and early evening on saturday to complete it...we went over to the twins' apt. that evening to have cake and go bowling...jay's friends mike & timm were there...very nice boys they all are...anyways, we went out for mexican and then went back to the apt to consume the cake rt had slaved over...it was pretty damn good too...yellow duncan hines cake with homemade icing with a white chocolate/strawberry/banana filling...after cake, we went to timber lanes on irving park road for bowling...that's where rt & i bowled w/ john roberts & eric after measure for measure a couple weeks ago...rt's been bugging me to go bowling again ever since...we were supposed to go @ uic but that didn't pan out...timber lanes has a nice charming neighborhood bar feel to it anyways...and they had the black lights on that night...i never have anything white on when the bowling alley turns the black lights on...jays other friends joined us at the bowling alley so it ended up being 9 of us...on one lane...that was the LONGEST bowling game i have ever played...and two of them dropped out after the 6th frame...by the 2nd game, the couple in the lane next to us had left, so we were able to bowl a much quicker game...

sunday, rt went to jason's graduation...i stayed home and rearranged the living room according to specs layed out in one of rt's floor plans...it required switching the positions of the tv/dvd and computer stations as well as moving one of the bookshelves and the couch and wood chest...all in all, a lot of bending was involved as i also vacuumed and mopped parts of the floor that hadn't seen the light of day since the 2nd week of march 2002. i also attempted to reunite my loose cds w/ their respective cd cases...i am still missing a bunch of cds as well as a bunch of cases...and some cds in their cases...i really don't know how many cds i have but it's like a lot and i really need a better storage system for them...right now i've got these two towers from bed bath & beyond that are a little taller than me and really really wobbly as well as a smaller shelving unit that maybe comes up to my chest...i need something big, something sturdy...something that'll fit an attic apartment with sloped ceilings...

anyways, the combination of bowling and moving large objects and bending up and down for hours has wiped me out...

on a good note, i've been taking the train to work since friday...yeah, i know...it's only been a few days, but in those 5 train rides, i've read all but 14 pages of 'nine stories' by jd salinger that rt got me for my bday last week...i absolutely adore jd salinger...i wish he had more books out...i figure if i ride the train 3x a week, i can read a 250 page paperback no problem in one week...god knows i have plenty of unfinished books on my shelves...

been listening to:
difficult is easy--red monkey
gotham!--radio 4
telephono--spoon
where the change is--the flashing lights