i love my extended family...especially when i haven't seen them for a while...

...let me introduce you to my beloved paternal extended family...my dad had a dad...i guess that would be my grandpa...except he died before i was born, so i never got to call him grandpa...i never got to call him anything, come to think of it...anyways...this grandpa had a wife...not my dad's mom...some other woman...they had 3 kids and then this other woman who is not my grandma passed away...the 3 kids were a son (jae c.), a daughter (jae d.) and another daughter whose name i don't know because she ran off with a north korean before the korean war and got erased from our family records to keep our family from being blacklisted a la mccarthyism...so grandpa was a dentist and he met a smart independent lady dentist named ms. chae and married her...that's my grandma...and then my dad was born in 1938...jimmy...except he didn't get that name until 1978...before that his name was jae-in...and then came his younger brothers, jae sung, jae hyun, and jae hoon and then the baby of the family, my aunt jae-o...

my dad and his bros jae jae & jae settled in chicago starting sometime in the latter part of the 1970s...each of these uncles has 2 kids...the youngest uncle had my cuzins yonju and seungi (girl boy respectively), the 2nd youngest uncle had two boys casey & ike, and then my uncle jae-sung had my cuzins kris and inho...we grew up seeing each other for holidays and the occasional summer vacation sleepover...i grew up looking up to my cuzin kris as the older sister i never had, and she taught me the most important skill i would ever need in life: how to curl my eyelashes...

so yesterday was my uncle jae-sung's birthday and we all went to seoul garden, a korean restaurant in northbrook, to celebrate...my brother jim demonstrated his improved grasp of the korean language since his recent trip to the motherland, and the cuzins who showed up (yonju, casey, kris, inho and myself) caught up on what's up in our lives...my cuzin inho flew from san diego for the event, and that was cool to see him again...inho knows how to live a life of leisure...4.5 years ago, he visited san diego, came home and packed everything and his dog in his car and moved out there...if you ask him what he's been doing lately, he'll answer, 'as little as possible...' and by that he means that he's been doing as little as possible that's not rock climbing or mountain climbing or something adventuresome like that...and california's a great place to be if that's what you're into...

after dinner, we all headed over to kris's house for some birthday cheesecake and to yak some more...all the adults hung out in the living room upstairs, and as is customary for family gatherings, the kids congregated downstairs in the basement...kris made me some joe and i added bailey's to make a nice irish coffee to go w/ my sliver of cheese cake...inho tried to teach me how to open a beer bottle w/ a bic lighter, but i didn't get the hang of it...all i managed to do was to make it look like a dog had been chewing on the end of my cousin's lighter...

we called it a night pretty early cuz the host family was leaving early in the morning for wisconsin...hopefully we'll all get together again later this week...the cuzins i mean...i told inho to delay going back to san diego so we could go to great america next sunday...it's teddy's first sunday off in a long time, and i've been wanting to go all summer...

anyways, it's always good to spend time w/ the extended fam...since i grew up w/ just an older brother, i always look forward to seeing my cuzins who i think of as my siblings...i just wish my cuzin ike were around more...he & yonju & i share a love for indie music...he's down in austin, tx working for dell...i think the last time we had ALL the cuzins together was when my dad died...it's weird to be growing up and seeing my cuzins grow up and get jobs or avoid getting jobs or moving or what not...and i still remember things like being 4 years old in the motherland climbing the furninture with my (then) baby cuz inho or sleeping over at kris's and staying up late having girl talks or how cute seunggi was when he first came to this country and he could barely walk and now he's a towering giant over us all and of legal drinking age to boot or how casey & ike loved to come over and play w/ jim and how all 3 would torment me in ways that only little boys can torment little girls or finding out that my cuzin yonju & i liked the same kinds of music and oh i'll never forget when ike made that mix cd for me that introduced me to the world of burning cds and to the music of the innocence mission and over the rhine and johnny cash and others...

*sigh*...sometimes when you live alone as an adult, you miss being a kid and being taken care of and having no worries and just having pure innocent fun...and ever since my dad died, i don't even have that ability to at least "pretend" when i go to my folks' house that i'm a kid again...losing a parent, especially if you mutually adored each other, leaves a hole in your heart that echoes through your life every day, an echo that's amplified at family gatherings when you don't hear that familiar voice above all the other voices talking at once (which my dad's side of the family tends to do) upstairs amongst the rest of the adults...

been listening to--
summerteeth--wilco
a thousand leaves--sonic youth
bad moon rising--sonic youth
pussy whipped--bikini kill

i must make this post short...reason being that i am deeply engrossed in the last 200 pages of the brothers k by good ole fyodor dosty and as i have a few hours to myself i must make good use of them...

wednesday night i reunited with childhood chums ruthy (my first friend in the united states) and ann @ hi ricky's on north ave...we each had tales to tell...every now and then, it's fun to get together with girlfriends whom you haven't talked to in months...it is hard to believe that the 3 of us can sit in a restaurant as grown women...adults...when girlhood memories seem still so freshly made...and i am reminded yet again that i don't want to let go of relationships with those who i played double dutch with, kicked the can with, biked & rollerskated with, watched the cubs with, babysat with, confessed crushes to, gotten punched in the stomach by...

thursday i was off and went to toast w/ teddy for lunch...i had never been there before...as it turns out, because i donated some money to wluw, i get discounts at a whole slew of restaurants and cafes in my neighborhood, toast being one of them...this will cut my dining expenditures in half now! until may of 2004 at least...

i used my day off to visit the doctor...i have finally changed medical groups to one in the city...i had the most pleasant well woman exam one could expect, considering what those things involve...my doctor wasn't an attending yet...just a 2nd year resident...but she was great...what i really liked about her was that she told me exactly what she was doing, what i could expect, and if she left the room, exactly how long she'd be gone...

well, it's the labor day weekend...i am looking forward to doing absolutely not much of anything...except laundry...that is getting totally out of hand...and i wanna finish the brothers k...this 6 week reading time is ridiculous...i can't believe i still remember enough of the plot to keep it all together...and the names are totally impossible...they have no less than 28 different way of expressing a person's name in russian, and good ole fyodor, to keep it real yo, insisted on using all 28 forms for all 83 characters...it's quite maddening, really...but i forgive him of my own volition cuz what he writes is so damn good...

big news of recent times is that my friend ryan b from seattle has found me on friendster...tsktsktsk...that is not an activity i imagined my ryan partaking in, but he wrote me a nice testimonial so it's all good, and considering not even my teddy has written anything nice to testimonialize me, ryan is currently in my #1 friendster spot...the interesting thing is seeing how some people in my personal network are connected to me through folks as randomly remote as ryan and, say, my jozka...it's quite weird what a small world this is...

teddy thinks we should move to the country, have compost toilets, and have me play & sing in a country band...i don't know about the compost toilets though...i will admit to locking myself in my jozka's former but now empty room with my guitar playing & singing wilco & gillian welch & my few scrappy songs...i guess i do sound like a country singer...i don't mind that...country is the root of punk rock...i mean, what could be more DIY than growing your own food?

alrighty...

been listening to--
protein source of the future...now!--the mountain goats
the first two records--bikini kill
bad moon rising--sonic youth
s/t--bad brains
it's hard to find a friend--pedro the lion

so a while back, teddy's dad had this old sports car that was like what i guess they call a KIT car...it wasn't really working, and so teddy gave it to his friend erik weber who was an auto mechanic and delorean fanatic...erik specializes in renovating and customizing deloreans...you know...the back to the future car...well, erikhas some friends that are really into deloreans and monster cars, and they decided to take that old sports car that ted gave him and turn it into a monster car...and the folks from monster garage filmed the whole process for a special episode that was on the discovery channel last night on monster garage...it's gonna be on again friday night...

i didn't have my vcr so i couldn't record the show, but i did get a few photos of the tv screen...it's nuts what these guys did...i just can't believe that people actually do things like this in their garages...and this is nothing compared to some of the other stuff i saw on the program...some lady built a 130' dragon vehicle that she drives out on the desert that actually breathes flames! and it's quite a posh party mobile on the interior...

oh the beauty of human ingenuity...ok whatever...

"i wanna sing that rock and roll,
i want to electrify my soul,
'cause everybody been makin' a shout,
so big and loud, been drownin' me out,
i wanna sing that rock and roll..."
-gillian welch, "i want to sing that rock and roll"

my brother came home from korea saturday afternoon and i dutifully went to pick him up at o'hare...the interesting thing about picking someone up who's coming from korea is that you most likely will get stuck waiting as they go through customs, and that you will find yourself in a throng of other asians as they wait for their overseas arrival...considering i don't often find myself amidst a group of people in which the vast majority are of my race, it was an interesting experience...there were people there who were dressed up with camera and bouquet of flowers ready to greet whoever it was they were waiting for...most were there in groups with other family members as they waited...i have to admit that i felt out of place...i mean, i was toting a bag covered in band buttons...bands most asians don't listen to i'd imagine...i know it's silly for me be self-conscious in situations like that, but i find that i often can't help it...i'm not what you'd call the model korean young professional woman, and sometimes it's hard when i'm around other asians...

alright...whatever...it was nice to see my bro again after 7 weeks...he seemed pretty happy and even expressed an interest to go back to korea in the near future for a longer term...that might not be a bad idea for him...he seems to get along just fine with the korean community...and i hear boys who speak english and play the guitar can go pretty far in certain korean circles...my bro & my mom & i hung out for a few hours, and it was probably the best informal time we'd had as a family since my dad died...hmm...that sounds pretty loaded...well, we'll see how this goes...i've been trying to be more communicative w/ my mother, but i'll admit it's like pulling teeth for me...

so i've been having some vivid dreams that often play out like movies...this is worthy of note because normally, i am a very boring dreamer and seldom even remember my dreams...i really need to start writing them down as soon as i wake up though because the details get all mixed up and hazy once the dream leaves the safe surroundings of slumber and enters the world of the awake...i already mentioned the gold paint tinged embossed asian greeting card white heron dream a couple days ago...well, on friday night i had my jd salinger dream...in this dream, it was like i was watching a movie based on a catcher-in-the-rye-esque novel...it felt like i was watching the movie and IN the movie at the same time...and i was a boy in a private prep school somewhere in new york...it was christmas break, and i was on the green hilly grounds of my campus chatting w/ a fellow student...we were talking about going home for the holidays and making plans to meet up downtown in the city during break...all of a sudden, we run into a professor who's considered somewhat of a lunatic by the students but who has taken quite a liking to me...he teaches poetry, and he's taken to singing his poetry to me, and only me...upon this encounter, he agains sings a few lines to me, and although i'm a tad embarrassed by the situation, i am actually fond of the professor and see in him a purity and simplicity and serenity that is absent in most of the humans i'm surrounded by, who, to my personal assessment, seem thoroughly entrenched in their affectations...i don't remember much else from the dream...i think i was wearing a tweed sportscoat...

anyways, the next dream was on saturday night, and i was driving down polk street, where teddy lives, except it was in evanston somehow, and i kept getting green lights (except in my dream they were yellow but they meant green) and when i hit where polk deadends at damen, there was a schlotsky's deli and the person i was with wanted to go in there for some reason...when we went in, there were people there whom we apparently knew...and it wasn't like a real schlotsky's deli...it was more like a sitdown place like cracker barrel...we sat at a table of a multiethnic high school boy's basketball team that had just played at the metro...i have no idea why they played a basketball game at the metro, but in the dream it sounded perfectly natural to me...everyone at my table took a kaiser roll from somewhere and we waited for our sandwiches to be served...when i got my sandwich, it was lettuce and tomato and potato chips in between bread, and i thought to myself, 'i know i don't eat meat, but they could've at least put some cheese in there!' and i gave my sandwich back to the waiter and asked them to put some cheese in it...that's all that's left of that dream...

sunday morning, teddy & his bro dave & i went to the wilson sk8te park at like 7:30 in the morning...there were a lot more people there than i expected...matt r. who went to loyola w/ dave & whom i'd met through michael g was there, and matt's good friend tony & tony's wife...i didn't really talk to them though cuz i stayed in the car so i could listen to tunes and continue reading my brothers k. which i'm deeply engrossed in lately...OH! i made a mix cd of some good old punk bands for the occassion...32 songs on one cd...bands like ALL, bad religion, bad brains, descendents, adolescents, 7 seconds, fugazi, gang of four...it was a fun mix...anyways, i wasn't really watching the boys this time, but i did peek every now and then, and i saw teddy doing the big bowl, and he was skating pretty good...

after the boys were done skating, we went to corona's on irving park for breakfast...that was dave's first place of employment back in the day...dave & i dropped teddy off for work @ trader joe's and then i dropped off dave and went home...i should've done laundry, but i thought i had enough clean underwear to last me a few more days, so i abandoned that idea and immersed myself in figuring out how to create a new format for my photo pages...for months now, i've been wanting to display a type of gallery made up of thumbnails and one big image that would change based on the thumbnail you clicked on...i didn't know how to do this using simple html (none of which is really all that simple to me anyway)...i finally figured it out by looking at the source code for one of my friend jesse's photo pages...i knew that there had to be a way of coding "if-somebody-clicks-on-this-thumbnail-change-the-source-of-the-big-image-to-display-the-bigger-version-of-the-thumbnail" into html...

so i have succeeded in creating my first photo page using this new format...check it out! it's my panda panda page....

in other random stream-of-consciousness news, yesterday was exactly one year since the watchers/duvall show @ empty bottle where i first laid eyes on teddy as he was setting up his drum kit...i still remember that moment when i first saw him and i thought to myself, 'oh my god he's so hot how'm i ever gonna talk to him?' if michael (watchers frontman) hadn't come up to me that night to ask me about the photos i took, i don't know how teddy & i would've ever met...i still remember standing outside the bottle that night, talking to michael, and secretly wishing to myself that the drummer, whose name i didn't even know at the time, would come out and talk to me too...

anyways, i cooked teddy dinner to commemorate the occassion...or rather, i picked the recipe, bought all the ingredients, and supervised as teddy cooked the dinner...it was a really great recipe too...it was for a creole mexican catfish, but i used tilapia instead, and it came out really juicy and with a kick! i did add some chili powder at the end...but it wasn't so spicy that we were crying and miserable or anything like that...but we did sneeze a lot while cooking cuz of the cayenne, which i accidentally spilled a bunch of on the kitchen table...so we had the tilapia, some brown rice, and green beans from teddy's mom's garden, white wine from new zealand, and espresso gelato that was absolutely divine...we hadn't cooked a real meal in a long time, and it felt good to make something yummy that's not pasta or pizza...

alrighty...i'm tired of typing now...

been listening to--
sk8te punk mix
troubleman sampler
time (the revelator)--gillian welch
no depression--uncle tupelo
still feel gone--uncle tupelo

so i went to see panda panda last night @ the fireside bowl...my cuzin kris and and our friend joseph,whom i hadn't seen since i crashed his xmas party last year, met us there...i think they felt kinda out of place...and maybe a tad old...the average age there that night was probably 17 or so...we weren't allowed to bring drinks out of the bar cuz there were so many young'uns running around...








panda panda is a 2-piece chicago band made up of miss mia (of kim and host of chic-a-go-go) on drums/vox and sarah c. (of the georges) on guitar/vox...i've been listening to their new cd for the past week, and the songs are a lot of fun! mia and sarah played pretty much all the songs off their album, and a bunch of kids were up front dancing up a storm...miss mia is really fun to watch on the drums...teddy & i watched her from the side of the stage for the whole set, and we were impressed with her head bobbing and stick twirling abilities! photos from the show are here.

after the panda panda set, teddy & i went into the bar to play a game of pool...we ran into mia on our way out and we had a nice chat...she's really friendly and very sweet...it's really great seeing an asian girl rocker like her...

tonight, i'm picking up teddy from trader joe's and going to the detholz! lair for a party...it'll be good to see them again...and derek & linda too...

in sad news in the rock'n'roll world, we've lost a chicago icon...wesley willis...read this for more info...

upcoming events:
sat. aug 23: paperback (david bazan of pedro the lion) @ gunther murphy's 10pm

fri. sept. 5th: afropunk encore presentation @ the gene siskel film center...this film sold out its final chicago screening last week during the black harvest film festival, and another show was added that night...it was chosen as the best film by the attenders of the festival, and it's being shown again in two weeks...if you missed it the first round, don't miss your next chance to see it for yourself...

sun. sept. 28th: bill mallonee & the tiny silver hearts @ schuba's 9pm...y'all know how much i love this man and his music...he's got a new album out called perfemed letter and it's a gem...he's getting some good promotion work done thanks to the folks at paste records, and he's finally getting some radio exposure...he got a really nice review in magnet magazine, which has one of his songs in the #2 spot on their monthly sampler cd (for subscribers only unfortunately)...i can't wait to see them again!

so tuesday night i had this dream...i think i was looking out the window or something...and i saw what looked to me like a heron...i'm like, 'oh, look! a heron!' and then all of a sudden the bird's in my apartment...i see my cat abby trying to chase it...it's flying in my living room, and it's really weird, but it looks like a bird from one of them asian new years greeting cards...you know...beautiful heron/crane type of bird flying, embossed, and outlined in gold paint...i mean, this bird was about the size it would be on a card, and it was almost 2 dimentional, and it had that gold outline, and it seemed to be embossed and everything...i thought that was really fascinating...i was totally enchanted by this bird in my dream...it was still flying around my room, and i put out my hand, and it landed on my finger...except it didn't feel like what i'd expect a bird on a finger to feel like...it felt all tingly and soft and warm all around my hand...it was so magical...so beautiful...i can't describe it...the feeling of the bird on my hand was so PHYSICAL and REAL in the dream...i'm like, 'look at this bird!' but no one else could see it...even abby seemed to be unable to see the bird...and i couldn't really see the bird either...not exactly...i could definitely FEEL it, and i saw what was like the essence of the bird...you know how neo sees things in the matrix? kinda like that...it was weird...it was like i was seeing in another dimension...that reminds me of the ray bradbury story from 'i sing the body electric' about the baby who's born in the fifth dimension and looks like an odd blue shape and his parents eventually exchange life in their dimension for life in the fifth so that they could see their son as he was, as a baby boy instead of a blue thing...anyways...i can't express how beautiful that bird was...

the kicker was the next morning, i was in my boss's office, and she's got this window that overlooks some prairie in our office park, and all of a sudden, while i'm in midsentence, i see a blue heron go into flight from that patch of prairie! i gasped and started stammering something about the heron...i had to explain to my boss about the dream i'd had...she probably thinks i'm nuts...and even though in my dream, it was a white heron that i saw (i think), still you have to understand how i'd flip out seeing even a blue heron the very next morning...

i told teddy about the dream, and he emailed me something he'd found on the web about herons...so it turns out that the white heron is one of the symbols of my homeland...that being korea...what could this dream mean?? it felt good though, whatever it was...

so teddy & his sister lauren & i went to see matrix reloaded @ the imax theatre on navy pier...made up for the 1st time we saw it on a puny screen...it was $14 though, which is pretty pricey for a movie...oh well...

the only other big news is that my friend caleb is ENGAGED!!!!! he proposed to his girlfriend kathy on the lovely shores of california...caleb is the best of the best of men i've ever known...his girl is totally lucky to have him! i got an email from him w/ the subject line "we're off the market" and i knew exactly what that meant! ha ha ha! i wish them all the happiness that i know is in store for them, and then some...

gonna go see panda panda tonight...miss mia ROCKS...

if anyone wants drum lessons, my teddy is going to start giving lessons for $18/half hour...he's a really good teacher...a natural...

dat's it folks!

ryan & jesse (from seattle) left me the funniest voice mail at 3:45am...man, i miss those guys! ryan said he was mad i wasn't picking up even though it was 3:45 in the morning my time...whatever...

so lately my email box has been bombarded w/ unsolicited emails from what look like legitimate email addresses all containing virus infected attachments...and they're not small documents...each email ranges from 80K to about 100K...and i get like 5 an hour...which means that while i'm asleep, i'm gonna max out my mailbox...so if anybody knows what's up w/ that please email me but don't use re: approval or re: thank you or re: wicked screen saver as subjects or i will delete them...

i'm exhausted and i'm going to sleep...but before i do, i will leave you w/ the following:

http://chicago.craigslist.org/about/best/

been listening to perfumed letter & panda panda ALL DAY LONG!!!

come see panda panda @ the fireside w/ me thursday night! 8pm! they play 2nd! bye!

so this past weekend was the air and water show...the thunderbirds were headlining this year and over 2 million folks crowded the lakefront for miles to get a peek...ted & i didn't get to see any of it until sunday, when there was only the thunderbirds act left...i picked him up from trader joe's at 3 and we sped over to the lake towards recreation drive/belmont harbor and drove right into a traffic jam that we couldn't get out of...recreation drive was a parking lot of cars coming out and going in, but you didn't find that out until you were in it...so there we were...stuck...not much of a view from the car...and then teddy saw an escape route over the median into the marina parking lot, which you would normally need a keycard to get into...and so he drove my little 4x4 subaru over the curb right into a parking spot and we ran towards the lake just as we started hearing the jet engines of the thunderbirds...it was a great view once we ran out to the point where we had fished w/ my cousin kris & pom a few months ago...those planes flew right over us! they do some nutty things, those thunderbirds...

...anyways, after the show was over, we realized that there was no way that we were going to be getting out of recreation drive anytime soon...there were still cars stuck trying to get into the park who never made it for the show...so we abandoned my car, risking parking ticket & getting towed, because i was famished and was developing a migraine from all the sunlight...we walked quite a ways to belmont & halsted, where teddy bought new saucony's from the army surplus & we ate @ a thai restaurant...teddy's sister lauren was on her way into the city from her parents' and she came and rescued us...we all ate together and then lauren drove us back to my car...it was STILL crowded, 2 hours after the show was over, with cars trying to get out, but it was nothing like earlier that afternoon...

note for next year's air & water show...either stay home or ride bikes...

so everybody minus mikey v (that being teddy, jozka, john and phil) congregated in my apartment yesterday afternoon and we proceeded to hang out...

(here's a little background...john, phil & mikey v grew up together since they were wee little ones...john went to high school w/ jozka & teddy @ st. viders back in the 90s...jozka & teddy befriended mikey & phil through johnny boy...jozka moved to michigan during high school but continued to keep in touch w/ da boys...john, phil & mikey all went to college together in missoula, MT...teddy remained in chicago...somehow they all stayed friends over the years, thanks to the phenomenon known as the internet...jozka moved in w/ teddy a year ago when he moved to chicago from ann arbor, where he'd been hanging since graduating from college there...that's how i met the jozka...

and he's been dear to me because he has spent hours listening to me when i was really depressed...he's also been a great companion for some really good shows i've been to, like the jeff tweedy/wilco show, teddy's last show w/ watchers in january, the eternals and folk implosion/mia doi todd...)

so after some congregating, we headed over to penny's noodle where we set our tongues on fire...phil had gotten a new digital camera, and we were looking at photos he'd taken @ great america the day before w/ john & mikey v & john's sister & mom...there were some really great shots taken on the rides, including some video clips...

after eating, we went to wicker park where the boys played football...at some point between my apt and penny's noodles, mikey v had called and told us about all the power outtages in several major cities in the u.s. my first thought was that the msblast virus had gotten into the power grid...that's still my theory...anyways...we were just glad we still had power in chicago...we tried calling phil & mikey's ex-roommate in new york, but couldn't get through...

after the park, jozka went to meet a friend and the rest of us went to pick up dave and headed on over to the liquor store where we got a 30 can case of PBR, jozka's beer of choice...teddy & dave & i went to jewel to get ingredients for my guacamole and some quesadillas...by the time we got to the boys' apt, mikey v was there...we just chilled w/ beers and chips & salsa & my guac etc...jozka & some of his friends showed up later in the night and thus we hung out...some of the boys got really drunk...

mikey had just gotten back from a music fest in portland for thumb pianos and other instruments not normally played by indie rock bands...he brought this huge thumb piano w/ like a couple dozen plucking prongs...he would place it in this hollow gourd and play...it was lovely...

a bunch of us jammed throughout the night...my skills on the cowbells were noted by john & teddy...teddy loves my drumming actually...i practiced the beats he'd been teaching me...dave played bass...jozka's friend shawn played guitar...john played drums at one point...teddy played drums sometimes...mikey played the jimbe...it was cool...i didn't think i could jam and creat beats like that, but it was lots of fun! i think i'm really gonna be a drummer someday...

at the end of the night, the finale came when jozka threw his nonfunctioning compaq desktop off the roof...again and again and again...those pieces of shit are a muther to kill! i thought we should take it out to the woods w/ a sledgehammer personally...

jozka leaves tomorrow...although i wonder cuz he's not really packed from what i could see of his room...oh well...he'll get it together, i know that...

it was fun having everybody together one last time this summer, but i'm really gonna miss my jozka...

been listening to--
s/t--panda panda
spirit electricity--bad brains
my favorite things--john coltrane

i'm home! i'm home! yup...i'm taking a half day today to spend time w/ jozka, who is leaving this weekend to move back to ann arbor, and the boys (teddy, john, phil & mikey v)...we officially have a party tonight, but the boys (except mikey) are free this afternoon so i think we're gonna meet up and hang...i wanna do a photoshoot of my jozka before he leaves...he's very photogenic, you know...check it out for yourself...

tomorrow i'm going in late so that i can catch some zzzzs after partying for the jozka...

bye!

been listening to--
more motion--trenchmouth

well, i have an announcement to make...as of yesterday, i have a new boyfriend...i have turned in my mop-haired red ted for this extremely cute guy who met me at the train station when i got home from work yesterday...his name is...ted...but don't be deceived...it's not the old ted...this is the new short-haired ted...

yup...it's true...teddy cut his hair...it's been 5 months since he's had anything even resembling a trim, so it was sorely needed...he looks like a whole new person, and i think he feels it too...

last night, while i did laundry, teddy checked out grandmaster tsai's martial arts school in my neighborhood...he took a chi class (kinda like tai chi) to just check it out...i don't know if he'll actually take it or not, but i thought i might be interested in taking martial arts...i used to do tae kwon do when i was a little girl, and my instructors would ask me if i was doing tae kwon do or if i was dancing...anyways...i sat in for a little while at this school teddy was trying out during the shaolin kung fu class, and there was a girl who was teaching the class...i thought it was cool to see girls doing kung fu, and i think it would be cool if i could be a girl who does kung fu...like for real and not just goofing around w/ teddy...at any rate, i think it's important for women to know some self-defense techniques, esp. for those who live in areas that are not so safe, and i just saw a warning poster in my neighborhood about a man wanted for a series of sexual assauts that have occurred recently around the wicker park area...

after the chi class, ted & i went to the holiday club where his roommate joe (my jozka) has been going every tuesday for quite a few tuesdays to shoot pool...this is his last tuesday here in chicago because he's leaving this saturday for ann arbor, so we wanted to hang out w/ him...the holiday club is on milwaukee avenue across the street from where myopic books used to be before it moved to where earwax cafe used to be...the holiday club is a bar aimed at the hip singles crowd, i guess...since i don't really go where the hip singles hang out, i wasn't too familiar with it...but i guess tuesday nights are not too busy and they have good specials, like the 20oz PBR for $2.50...joe was already playing a game of pool w/ a guy who wearing a t-shirt that said ASS on the front...the ASS guy was really good...he basically won every game of pool that night until he started playing doubles and got a so-so partner, and joe & teddy finally beat him...this was right as we were leaving...but i was glad SOMEBODY beat the ASS dude FINALLY...i didn't play pool because i would've had to play the ASS dude, and when someone's that good, it's just not fun any more...

so i hear matrix reloaded is now playing at the IMAX...i can't wait to see it again! maybe this weekend...yes, that would be awesome!

oh, FYI, i just checked out pandapanda's new album which is available for download on their website www.pandapanda.net...it's pretty awesome! there's 10 songs in like 20 minutes, so they're each short and sweet, really fun poppin' rockin' songs! pandapanda is miss mia's (of chic-a-go-go) other band besides kim...she's my role model right now cuz she's an asian female rocker who plays drums! yay!

i got an email yesterday from southern records (i'm on their mailing list) that shocked me...it was about matt davis, one of the 4 main characters in james spooner's documentary afropunk that i was talking about yesterday...matt was the lead singer for ten grand, a band out of iowa city...he passed away on sunday at the age of 26 of a seizure...i could not believe it...i went on ten grand's website and on it was a messageboard with dozens and dozens of messages posted in the past couple of days by people who had been impacted by matt's life...many had experienced only brief encounters with this young man, but they were affected deeply by his warmth and friendliness during those short encounters...it's so strange to me to find out that he died on the day that i saw the film in which he was featured...26 is so young...i mean, i thought my dad was too young to die, and he was 64...26...teddy's 26...

afropunk is going to be dedicated to his memory, i hear...this is a film you should all go see when it comes to your neck of the woods...go here to see where it's playing next...

been listening to--
spirit electricity--bad brains
perfumed letter--bill mallonee
a.m.--wilco
summershine--VoL
to the roof of the sky--VoL
odessey & oracle--the zombies
...and all the colors--ian moore

well, i barely made it to elliot's dedication, but make it i did...whew! he's such a cutie pie...i would not have wanted to miss that for anything...

after church, i picked up greendeeve and went to trader joe's to pick up teddy after his shift...we had plans to go to the wilson sk8tepark by the lake...i don't skate, but teddy says i'm his betty and that's why he wants me there...i have no idea what that means and went along just to watch...we went to jewel to get a picnic lunch but were so discombobulated we just got some fruit and ended up going to subway for some sandwiches...then we drove to the park and ate on the grass while watching the kids skating...

the park was pretty busy, since it was a lovely sunny sunday afternoon...lots of youngsters...but a few veteran skaters too...there was this one kid...he couldn't have been over 10 years old, but he had the long curly sunbleached blonde hair, white tshirt, jeans, a bandana sticking out of his right hip pocket, and the attitude of a future sk8tepunk...he was adorable! teddy & dave were old compared to the median age in that park which was something like 16.21948...but teddy sure does look cute in a bright red helmet!




dave used to be on a skate team when he was younger...team rancid or something like that...so he can hold his on on a board...even though he's almost as old as i am!

actually, the really really good skateboarders were a bit older...in ted & dave's age groups...they were in the bowls doing fancy pretty stuff...those guys are mesmerizing to watch...they make it look so easy, but i know if i were to even attempt going from point a to point b on a skateboard, i'd end up at point z on my ass...i'm supposedly learning how to snowboard this winter, and i'm anticipating turning the colors cobalt and violet...

i have to say that when i was standing by a certain part of the park, there was a very pungent scent that permeated the immediate area...and i'm not even sure that it was a certain person...i think it was actually a mixture of all the different b.o's all wrapped up in one very special and deadly fragrance...

after the skatepark, we drove over to the iguana cafe where we lounged around waiting for yellowellow (ellen) dave's girlfriend to get out of her job as the wardrobe technician for the production of singin' in the rain going on at a theatre near halstead & chicago...i took a bunch of silly pictures of ted while refreshing myself on a mint chocolatechip milkshake...it was a much needed break after all that time in the sun...i was starting to get a photophobia induced migraine by this time...




we picked up ellen and headed on over to the gene siskel film center for a viewing of afropunk, a documentary about the issue of race, specifically african american, in the punk scene...this film was part of the black harvest film festival and i'd heard that rob lowe of 90 day men as well as some bad brains footage were gonna be in it, and that was enough to convince us to go see it...and as a person of color who appreciates the punk ethos as well as all that is punk rawk, i was interested to find out whether i would relate to some of the issues brought up...

when we walked in to the film center, we were suprised to see damon locks of the eternals (formerly of trenchmouth) passing out questionnaires to those there to see the film...i guess i shouldn't have been surprised, considering damon is a) black, b) an influential part of the punk scene for years and c) lives in chicago where this film would be shown only twice in the immediate present & future...it then occurred to us that damon was probably in the film too, which makes sense, cuz when you think about it, there were only so many black punk musicians that the filmmaker could interview who actually have a presence in the music world...

anyways, i have to say that afropunk is definitely worth seeing...the director & filmmaker james spooner never made a film before...he was a black punk rocker who made this movie to deal with his own issues about being black and being punk...it's a classic example of DIY (Do It Yourself), which is very much at the core of punk/indie ideals...he used his own money to buy the equipment and taught himself how to use a camera and editing software...besides being such a cool example of DIY, the content of the film was surprisingly good for a firsttime effort...he followed the lives of 4 african americans who identify themselves with the punk scene--tamar-kali, who fronts her own band, matt davis, the lead singer for ten grand from iowa city, moe mitchell, the lead singer for the hardcore band cipher, and mariko jonez, a dj and creator of socalinflight, a zine for the punk/indie community in southern cal...he also interviewed numerous others who are either on the scene or in punk bands...rob lowe was one of those interviewed, and damon was another...another guy named ralph from philly was also interviewed, and he's a good friend of damon's whom watchers stayed w/ when they were playing in philly...teddy remembered him and said he was a really super nice and hilarious dude...several people from chicago were interviewed as well...

the interviews in the film were engaging, and the comments people made were definitely ones i could relate to, being someone who sometimes feels a little out of place at shows where i'm either the ONLY asian, not to mention asian female, or one of maybe 2 if miss mia (of kim, pandapanda & chic-a-go-go) is working the club...unless it's a band with an asian in it, in which case you'll find a lot more asians...but usually, i'm the only one...also, i sometimes feel out of place w/ my asian friends cuz i am into punk & indie music, and most of them aren't, and i like going to shows & taking photos and wanna flee the corporate scene, not work my way up in it...i mean, i know that there are a lot more asians into the arts out there...i just haven't run into a lot of them...i guess being punk rock is kinda hard when you come from a cultural background that's steeped deep in confus(c)ionism and from the time you're a minute old, being programmed to being the model minority is what you're exposed to...the majority will go along with this...but there are those who break free, and they're punk rock, whether they go around sporting tattoos and blue hair and piercings or not (like me)...

the film also had some great music, including some bad brains footage that was sweet! i wish there had been more of that...

after the film, the director, who was there, answered questions from the audience...i found james to be very authentic and down to earth...his answers were honest and not canned or condescending...he was just really genuine...

afropunk is playing one more night, thursday august 14 @ the gene siskel film center on state street (like 164 north or something)...it's $8 and TOTALLY worth it...i'm really hoping they show it more widely in the future...everyone who's punk or indie or feels isolated or alienated or different or confused or misunderstood should see this...and those who feel totally mainstream should see this too...

i went to see the sunrise over lake michigan down by museum campus (that's where they shot those scenes in the wilcomentary i am trying to break your heart with the downtown skyline where leroy is jumping up and down at the planes flying into the now defunct meigs field)...there were these beautiful huge towers of clouds on the eastern horizon, and these thin low clouds floating through the loop...it was a beautiful morning...initially, i was just gonna have a looksy and mosey on back home and get some more shut-eye, but i ran into an older gentelman named pete who's probably in his 50's, and he stood there telling me stories until 8 am...but these stories...it was like having dean moriarty from kerouac's on the road in the flesh standing before me telling me his life stories...anyways, can't get into that now cuz i gotta get ready to go to church...little elliot's being dedicated today and i don't wanna miss that...

oh, the bill mallonee site has been totally revamped...props to jason horst, bill's webmaster! looks really great, just in time for the release of perfumed letter, which i will continue to call perfume letter cuz that's what my promo copy says it is...but i know that was probably a typo...anyways, the site's got a bunch of my photos on it in the photos section...and it's got the lyrics to perfumed letter!

been listening to--

1000 hurts--shellac
dirty--sonic youth

ok...new bill mallonee photos...back to the future...this one's from june 2002 @ uncommon ground...and this was the day i met bill for the first time as in i actually talked to him...click here...

some days i can be an outright bitch...i can be the ice queen...see the hurt and keep hurting...
somedays i just suck...granted, these fits of malice usually subside by the next morning, but when they're on, i just can't stand being in my own skin...i don't believe in self-flagellation, but when it's something i've promised myself over and over...that no matter how mad i was at someone that i still wouldn't be nasty or cold...and i fail over and over and over again...

...when everything's fine and dandy and i'm my usual sweet self, i think that exhibiting magnanimity in all circumstances is a breeze, esp. when you love somebody as much as i do...then all that flies out the window in a single instant when things don't go my way...what a hypocrite i can be...

...well now let's stop that mopin' and see where i am now...oh yes...i met my cuz kris yesterday at this place called the art gallery kafe on milwaukee ave just south of armitage...her friend meg was there...apparently this place is owned by a couple of meg's friends...they serve intelligentsia coffee, and although i know nothing about coffee, i understand that that's a good thing...there was a band there from california called anchors for architects...they were doing an early show before their night gig @ the big horse lounge down the street...the bass player is cousins w/ one of the owners of the cafe...they reminded me of the swords project kinda...maybe even a little ester drangish...i only caught the last couple songs but i liked what i heard...

kris, meg & i went to this carribean restaurant on fullerton a couple blocks east of the fireside for dinner...there kris harangued me w/ these rorshach type questions like if you were a fruit what fruit would you be...i guess she'd gone on a trip w/ a girl named katie who's always asking questions like that and analyzing you...there was this really elaborate one about a box in a desert with flowers and a horse and a ladder...depending on how you answered the questions, you could potentially reveal such insights as how you view yourself, where you fit into your friends' universes, how you will rear children, what kind of a mate you will have and how he/she will treat you, and your view on frienships...ok...whatever...

tonight we're playing superscrabble @ lauren & jay's...i suck at scrabble...my tiles normally look something like this: "A E E I N O Q"...

my neck is still killing me...i need help...in the form of a scandinavian masseuse...

been listening to--
if you're feeling sinister--belle & sebastien
keep it like a secret--built to spill
ghost of david--damien jurado
summerteeth--wilco
sleeping on roads--neil halstead
start here--the gloria record
reading, writing and arithmetic--the sundays
emotions--alaska!
...i'm listening to denison's 'safe away' as i'm typing...the track playing now is breathe in this life...the first song i ever listened to by denison...downloaded from pastemagazine.com...the song that set the ball in motion, that ball that would gain momentum and mix in various people places events joys sorrows...i love denison...i really really do...this album will always have one of the sweetest, tendersest parts of my heart...oh, god...i think i need a kleenex...

tonight ted & i went to the national poetry slam @ filter (formerly the local grind coffeehouse @ damen & milwaukee & north aves)...dave met us there...it was packed...it was nuts...there were three teams competing, from boise, ID, miami, FL, and boston, MA...joe was working the kitchen...poor guy...it's his last day of work, and he had to keep the kitchen open 1.5 hours longer than normal cuz of the slam...

it was cool seeing all the different flavors of poetry...some were humorous & clever...some were political and heated...there was one i liked that had a line in it about spreading revolution by word of mouth...others were more theatrical and even performed in groups...

..it was intense...i think i'll go to more of these things...the national poetry slam started in chicago, and it's bigger than ever, taking over various venues all over town, many in wicker park, such as filter, the note, and subterranean...

...all this just makes you wanna write poetry...not only write it, but say it out loud, the way poetry was meant to exist...all the people...the beautiful colorful people...

...i did a photoshoot w/ dave & ted & the throngs & the buildings afterwards...teddy wanted a beer @ dave's but i was tired so i just walked home by myself...i walked really slow with my camera in position...i love walking slow in our neighborhood...so much to see...like the cracked paint on the pillars of the overpass by my street...who pays attention to this stuff? and yet so much beauty to be discovered...all the different faces and bodies and stories floating around in the summer night air...

...it's all good...

oh...i finally posted the eternals photos from the watchers cd release party @ the metro in may...yeah, i know...i was reminded of my photos when i saw damon & wayne @ the schubas watchers show on saturday...go see the photos by clicking here...

so yesterday was part tres of our friend mikey v's summer bashes, this time thanks to adp, his dad's company, who gave his dad & mum a free trip to italy of all places...mikey lives out in the boondocks, in kildeer, like way over there somewhere...i rushed home on the early train...and just as i arrived at my apartment, i see my dearest jozka on my porch in the rain trying to figure out which damn bell to ring...you see, this party was like way last minute (we just found out about it tuesday), and we had a hard time getting a hold of jozka, it being his days off, and so we had dispatched various carrier pigeons into chicagoland and the internet-hinterland...but it wasn't until i spied the jozka on my steps that i knew he'd gotten the message...poor boy has no phone to even call me toll-free to let me know he'd gotten the message...but it's all good cuz he's coming along...this being his last week in chicago, i didn't want him to miss mikey's party...

so joe & i make it over to trader joe's as teddy's getting off of work...we grab some tuna burgers & chips & salsa & dangerous chocolate chip cookies & drive out to nowhereland...when we arrive some time after 7pm, mikey's there w/ a colleague of his from california pizza kitchen named agustine...he doesn't speak much english and only spanish but is very nice...teddy starts preparing the tuna burgers and joe & i play a game of pool in the basement (joe whups my ass)...in afterthought, i think i could have been more present while teddy was cooking...i kinda just disappeared there...oops...

so phil (teal pheal) calls around 8 and says he's in wisconsin!!! he's been driving nonstop for 24 hours pretty much from missoula, mt where he's been hanging out for the summer w/ brie & john...we were all pretty much aflutter with excitement at the news because we all love phil and missed him the past couple months...phil is the boy of whom teddy has said, 'if i were a girl, i would marry phil'....teddy & i were planning on leaving the party early around 10pm cuz i have to work in the morning, but mikey tells me that he won't let me leave until phil gets there, and i say i don't want to leave until i've seen phil anyways...and so the wait begins...

mikey's other coworkers start filtering in about the time we eat our tuna burgers...a dude named matt comes w/ a melodica...he later turns out to be a pool shark in disguise...some folks i'd met at previous mikey parties are there...still no phil...teddy & i get restless...extremely tired...and moody...we do play pool though, and that's fun...take some crazy photos...by this time, the house is crowded...mikey's got a bonfire going in the yard...at teddy's bequest, mikey produces a bag of miniature marshmallows, and we join joe & a group of girls we don't know around the bonfire...i'm there for only a few minutes though cuz these girls are harassing one of their ex-boyfriends on the cell phone...one of them is particularly brazen, and when she harangues her friend's ex by asking him if he's gonna round up his 'n$g%#r' friends (he lives on the south side of chicago i guess), i could not believe my ears...i understand that i'm in the 'burbs, but it's not exactly janesville here either...it wasn't just that statement...the fact that these girls kept calling this poor boy...he's not even the one that broke up w/ their friend in the first place...i just could not believe people acted like this...i mean, i guess i shouldn't be surprised, considering i'm reading the brothers karamazov and all (now there's some real depravity in that book!)...i know that mikey doesn't know these girls and that it's no reflection on his opinion (he went to school in ghana and is going back later this year, and i know he would be horrified if he'd heard that girl talk yesterday)...so i'm about to blow my top, and before i do, teddy & i leave the group and go find mikey with what teddy calls his 'better friends' on the front steps...

we forgot to take joe w/ us, and later he stumbles upon us and complains that we left him there alone in a school of baracudas...i'm just wondering when phil's gonna get there...about this time, mikey gets it into his head that he's going to don his motorcycle helmet and weild a deflector of sorts (normally used to deflect a ball in an outdoor game) while someone pitches roman candle type fireworks at him...mikey is nuts...we all know this...but he doesn't die, he doesn't burn the house down, and all is good...

and still no phil...i wonder if he's lost cuz mikey told me he'd called from madison, which is only 2 hours away, and it's been almost 4 hours since he's called...we go back in and play pool with augustine who's just learning how to play...it's hard to explain certain things to him because we don't know spanish...but we make do...and he's really good for a beginner...really elegant...

then FINALLY, at half past midnight, phil makes his entrance! i'm thrilled to see him because we've missed him and all, but also because this means mikey will let us go home now...i demand to know why it took him so long to get here from madison, and he explains that he was 120 miles outside of madison when he called...so that explains it...it was good to have phil with us...he'd made it back from missoula in 28 hours, that nut! well, the good news is that he's moving to chicago soon! yay! the city i mean, not the burbs w/ his parents...he's gonna go to art school and teach art at his old high school...that's the plan at least...he also just bought a digital camera so we will have fun taking photos...yay!

we finally left the party around 1am...i literally had to tear joe away from phil so we could go home...but we'll all be together again next week for one more round before joe leaves for ann arbor, and by then john will be with us too...

*sigh*...boy, am i exhausted...and my neck is still killing me...i think i need a chiropractor...

been listening to--
repeater--fugazi
the execution of all things--rilo kiley
the singles--the smiths
in an aeroplane over the sea--neutral milk hotel
to the rooftops--watchers
when we were small--rosie thomas
disintegration--the cure
murray street--sonic youth
waters ave south--damien jurado
s/t--the pixies
happy sad--tim buckley
V.O.L.--VoL

ok i woke up this morning and i couldn't move my neck...1750mg of ibuprofen later and i still can't move my neck...ok, i can move it but it HURTS LIKE HELL when i do...so i choose to walk around w/ an imaginary brace on my neck which means when i turn to talk to someone, i have to turn my whole body...my boss keeps laughing at me...she empathisez with my pain, but she says i still look funny...thanks a lot guys...i feel the love...

i found out today that i really like doing compensation analyses...stuff that requires "what-if" skill...i think i will be a comp specialist! ok...gotta go....

how is it that all the sentimental nostalgic feelings associated with childhood frolics through hills and trees and flowers half a world away can be conjured up by a few measures of an indie rock song? that is exactly what the last 20 seconds of damien jurado's song 'parade' does to me...every time i hear those last measures, i feel the key turn in that faraway oft forgotten room in my heart where i hide my sweetest most innocent memories of my fairy tale life across the ocean...before i knew english...before i knew my multiplication table...before i knew my name would be 'sarah-ji'...before i knew what a computer was...before i knew what a typewriter was...before i knew what rock 'n' roll was...before i knew what air conditioning was...before i knew what america was...

...when all i knew was mom & daddy & grandma & grandpa & big brother & cousins & uncles & aunts...when all i knew was how to play...when all i knew was to how to trust...when all i knew was the truth...when all i knew was simple faith...

...last night i went to see my mom after work...my brother's in korea, so i try to stop by on the days that i drive up to work...while i was there, i found a bible my dad gave me over 20 years ago...i tried to find a photo of my dad to steal, but none of them really were all that satisfactory...yesterday, i found myself lingering in my mom's room, not wanting to leave...i was surrounded by years and years of my dad's stuff...his books...his study notes...just seeing his handwriting does weird things to my heart...

so here's my latest tidbit that i'm chewing on...last night ted & i were listening to dallas willard, some tapes i had of a conference he did @ the oak park vineyard a while back...dallas is the dude who wrote a divine conspiracy, a book i never finished and can't find my copy of any more...i bet pete has it...anyways, dallas was s