sarah: can we name our kid 'woody'?
teddy: no.
sarah: can we name our kid 'guthrie'?
teddy: no...can we name our kid 'ernie'?
sarah: NO.

well, now i know where teddy got the name 'ernie' from...mr. ernie colnago, the maker of the italian race bike that teddy owns and is hoping to sell...teddy kept bringing up the name ernie, and i couldn't figure out where it was coming from...but now i know...

i'm kinda leaning towards the name 'carter' for a boy, after jimmy carter...you see, he was president when we came to this country, and that's who my dad picked his name after...yes, my dad's legal name was JIMMY...and i do really respect president carter, more than any other living president and most dead ones...he had a hard presidency, yeah, but look at his life out of office...i remember in the 3rd grade during the 1980 presidential elections, a couple kids including myself marched around the schoolyard during recess declaring that a vote for reagan meant a vote for war and so everybody should vote for carter...i don't think we realized that no one within hearing distance of our impassioned speeches could vote...i remember reading TIME magazine after the elections, and seeing a photo of jimmy carter dancing with his wife at the inaugural ball, and he looked so sad, and i felt so bad for him...

anyways, teddy isn't so keen on the name 'carter'...so it's back to the book of 40,001 baby names...

i started writing lullabyes yesterday...wrote the lyrics to two yesterday...i 'put down tracks' to one of them...by putting down tracks, i mean recording on microsoft's sound recorder, the packaged recording application found in your accessories folder...i did one track with vocal & guitar, and then i recorded another track in which i played the track i'd just recorded and sang harmony over it...it's like way totally lo-fi, but it's all i've got for now...i don't have any REAL recording software...teddy's gonna have to lay down a drum track later...but anyways, we're gonna make a whole album of these...

here's a link if you wanna hear this rough version...i've already decided to change some of the words, so there will be a new one, but here it is for now...now, remember, i don't really know how to play guitar and i don't really know how to sing either...this is a labor of love for our baby...

been listening to--
20th century masters, the 70's vol. 2--james brown
enternainment!--gang of four
a.m.--wilco

...see what a lovely card my teddy made for me? he heard through the grapevine that i was hoping he'd make some watercolors for me so i could put them up in my office, and so he made me this lovely piece for my birthday and gave it to me in a frame and everything...i hope he paints me a kitty sniffing daisies next...

...i don't know if it's the pregnancy or what, but i've gone outright kitty krazy lately...every feline i see roaming the neighborhood or observing the world perched in a window, i start whining and begging teddy to get me one just like it...there is this adorable kitty prancing around the street where we normally park that's a grey tabby with white paws and white tummy that looks just like my late youngest kitty cowboy a.k.a. 'bug'...and our upstairs neighbor has this beautiful calico kitty who sits at the window sometimes...*sigh*...as much as we both want a kitty, i think common sense will prevail and we'll wait and see how we handle a baby first...

...well, i'm totally ready for a 3-day weekend...yay! my cousins sherline & debbie are in town, and i haven't seen them since christmas, so it'll be good to catch up and show them my belly and stuff...

...teddy & i are starting to plan our longawaited honeymoon coming up in july...we're gonna go see our friends caleb & kathy get married in new haven, CT and hopefully visit josh & lielle and then honeymoon off to the upper east coast...don't know where or what yet, but it's gonna be lovely, i'm sure...our last trip before we become mommy & daddy d.

say hello to the wee little baby d., folks! at 20 weeks, our little one weighs in at just under a pound! and look at that shapely head and that lovely spine...he/she's come a long way from the peanut we saw at 9 weeks...it's a totally surreal experience to be lying on your back in a hospital bed, with your husband next to you stroking your hand, as both your eyes are glued to the images of this little squirmy thing on a monitor...and the little squirmy thing is both of you at once and an entirely other being too...watching a little baby develop is an amazing experience...all you see everyday is your belly growing bigger...but then you see these images, and you can't help wondering, where did that spine come from? and the four chambers of the heart? and the little fingers and toes and kneecaps and butt? where did all those come from?

an experience like this will give you new respect for all life because you realize how amazing of a miracle it is that any creature comes into being at all...

happy birthday to me! and happy 20th week to my littly baby! we're half way there! woohoo...now off to sweet maple cafe for a birthday brunch w/ my teddy & my mommy & my bro...

...i did a really stupid thing on sunday...we went to the botanic gardens for the bonsai show w/ teddy's little sister lauren, and i was really looking forward to taking some photos...well, being the lazyass photog i've been lately, turns out the two batteries i had w/ me for my camera were totally lacking in juice...i took a total of maybe 6 photos before they both died on me...what's even dumber is that when i got home that night, i dug through my camera bag and found a totally juiced battery hiding amongst my lenses...i felt like such a dodo...

...in addition to this little booboo, i also kept spilling stuff...i spilled at least two differnt kinds of liquids down my cleavage before the clock struck half past noon, and then at ellen's bday party, i spilled an entire tuperware of little pimentos extracted from a jar of olives...

...you know, i've always been a bit of a space cadet and a major klutz, but this pregnancy thing is not helping at all...teddy just takes it all in stride and says it's to be expected in my condition...i guess he read about it or something...apparently, your brain cells get diverted for the purpose of manufacturing miniature human body parts, and the everincreasing bump on your frontside throws things just a bit off balance...

...as of tomorrow, i'm half way there...20 weeks...yowza...

...today is my last day as a XXXI-year old...tomorrow i get to go see our baby on a sonogram...although we don't want to find out the sex of the baby...will they still let me see the monitor i wonder? i hope so...i'll just keep my eyes on the head and torso portion...

been listening to--
befriended--the innocence mission
electric version--the new pornographers
how i learned to write backwards--the aislers set
the creek drank the cradle--iron & wine
our endless numbered days--iron & wine
the meadowlands--the wrens
summerteeth--wilco
march 16-20, 1992--uncle tupelo
s/t ep #2--califone
your favorite music--clem snide
where shall you take me--damien jurado
mermaid ave i&2--billy bragg & wilco

happy saturday! yay! boy, do i need some r&r...this working 5 days a week thing is not getting any easier when i'm toting a beanie-baby sized human around in my tummy...that may not sound like much, but you gotta understand...the little human is pressing against certain organs that's making certain life functional things you take for granted--oh, things like breathing and NOT having to pee every hour--rather difficult...and i don't get much relief at night either...i'm at the point at which i'm admonished to stay off my back, and for a backsleeper like myself, that means i have to very consciously stay on my side (they say your left side is best...probably because of where certain organs are situated), which isn't easy once i'm asleep and lose control over what my body may be doing...teddy has accused me of pushing him further and further off the bed since i've begun this sleeping position, as i naturally inch over towards the side i'm sleeping on...poor sweetie...he won't wake me up either because i have to get up so damn early for work...

...i just found out yesterday that my best friend from college, michelle, whom i haven't seen in two years is also pregnant! she's due in august! my dad officiated her wedding, so he'd be so happy for them...there are so many people having babies...speaking of which, my friends sam & jenny had their big bouncing baby boy on monday! his name is caleb, which i think is a great name...

...speaking of baby names, teddy & i have been looking through a book of 40,001 baby names...it's just ridiculous how many there are to choose from...and teddy comes up w/ these names that i know will make the kid hate us once they're old enough to realize what we've done...i mean, i want to pick a name that's not so common, but i want it to be pronounceable AND spellable(which rules out a lot of the gaelic names i love so much like aioffe or saiorse)and not something that SOUNDS like an insult...well, we've got five months...and no, we're not taking suggestions...sorry!

...and then there's the issue of what to do with my name...i don't want to completely lose my old name of 'rxxx', but i don't want to hyphenate, which means i can take rxxx as my middle name, but i don't want to lose my old middle name...i've been sjr for so long now, ya know? i could've kept my own last name, but that gets confusing too, and it's just so much easier to say 'ted & sarah dxxxxxx' and not 'ted dxxxxxx & sarah rxxx'...ugh...ok...whatever...we'll see...

...lots of parties this weekend...i'm going to my friends rea & miki's condo housewarming tonight, and then we're going to a surprise birthday party right after that, and then tomorrow is the bonsai fair @ the chicago botanic garden (teddy & brown john used to be bonsai enthusiasts and have an extensive library of bonsai journals, books and videos) and then tomorrow evening is a coctail mixer for yellow ellow's bday...hopefully i'll get a nap or two in between...

p.s. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOB DYLAN...I DREAMED LAST NIGHT YOU WERE SINGING ME A SONG OFF JOHN WESLEY HARDING, BUT WHEN I WOKE UP I REALIZED IT WAS JEFF TWEEDY'S VOICE...THANKS FOR THE MUSIC ANYWAY!!!

been listening to--
dear catastrophe waitress--belle & sebastian
fever to tell--yeah yeah yeahs
john wesley harding--bob dylan
slow train coming--bob dylan
without a sound--dinosaur jr

...teddy & i did go on a photoshoot downtown on sunday afternoon...it was a beautiful day with sun and mild temperatures and tourists and everything! we took the brown line down, which was a headache due to track repairs (the train started going backwards at one point), but we made it down to madison & wabash...we walked over to the new millenium park on michigan ave which i had never even seen before...i guess i don't go to that part of town too often...there were lots of folks out enjoying the weather...families with picnic baskets that looked like they were out of a movie, little babies running amok, digital cameras snapping up kodak moments galore...i can't say i was too inspired...it was a bit too...uhm...contrivedly picturesque?? i don't know...

...after a bit of peoplewatching, we walked over to the cultural center where they're having this great exhibit called 'isn't that amazing: the appeal and speil of ronco and pompeil'...those are the guys behind classic all-american gadgets such as the veg-o-matic, whip-o-matic, among other o-matics and doodads...they were famous for selling their goods on tv...the fathers of infomercials...the exhibit had a tv playing a video of the old ads, and we stood transfixed watching these amazing demonstrations, and i couldn't help wondering if i could get me one of this and one of that on ebay...if you're anywhere in the vicinity of the cultural center, i highly recommend this exhibit...it's a bit of history and fun and it's free!

teddy has requested that i revise my previous post, the part about me 'dragging him on a photoshoot' cuz he went willingly and there was no dragging involved (except my feet which is quite normal)...you see, he didn't mind because he wanted to do some watercoloring while i did my photoshooting...for our wedding present, i got teddy a klutz instruction book on watercoloring because he's been wanting to learn how to watercolor for months...he just started using that book this past weekend and hasn't been able to stop drawing and painting since...so he sat at a table in the daley plaza by the picasso and made the loveliest little picture in his sketchbook...it was of these pink tulips beneath a honey locust tree in the plaza...i hope he paints some pictures for me so i can post them in my office like my coworkers do with their kids' doodles...except teddy's aren't doodles...they're works of ART...yup...

...so our next big event is our postwedding pizza party bash for our friends...we went over to the leadway bar on damen & farragut last night and talked with brian, the man in charge over there...i think we're gonna be able to do it on friday june 17th...the leadway is a great place...it's got two outdoor patios, free pool & darts, and an art gallery room that can be used for live music and parties...we're gonna try and pack out that place, so if you want an invite, shoot me an email...

...i'm having second thoughts about the baby...no, not about HAVING it...about whether it's a girl or not...until recently, i was pretty convinced i was having me a little girl, but lately i'm not so sure...i think i must have had dreams that i just don't remember in my waking life...well, whatever i'm having, teddy & i will be very happy i'm sure...a little boy would be nice too...teddy was such a cute little boy, so i wouldn't mind having one like him running around...

...teddy worked 6am-3pm today...i slept in until 10am...poor boy is slumbering quite contendedly right now...too bad i'm gonna have to wake him up in a little while...it's closing night of strawdog theatre's production of the merchant of venice, and my friend john roberts is playing gratiano...we've been so busy that we haven't been able to make it to the show until now, but i'm glad we're not missing it entirely...i missed detective story in the fall, and i hear that was a great production...john's now an ensemble member of strawdog, so hopefully i'll get to see more shows with him in it...

sunday is supposed to be a lovely day, and since teddy chose to nap away this afternoon, i'm gonna drag him on a photoshoot of some sort tomorrow...most likely, though, the day will start with a trip to the wilson skate park...at any rate, i simply must get back into taking photos...i've been so lazy about it lately that i actually sometimes leave the apartment without my camera ON PURPOSE!!! 'it's too heavy,' that's my excuse...well, we'll see if i still know how to take a picture tomorrow i guess...geez, now i'm making myself all nervous...

this morning, minutes before waking, i had a little dream...i saw my dad sitting on a sofa, and he was smiling and radiant and young and handsome...no sign of cancer...no sign of old age...as soon as i saw him, i ran into his arms...i cried because i knew it was a dream...he didn't say anything about my tears, but instead handed me a silk handkerchief and told me to go wipe my grandma's nose...i looked over to where he pointed, and there was his mother, dressed in the traditional korean hanbok, and she too was young and strong...i wondered where i was, whether this was heaven, and i couldn't stop crying, so much so that i woke myself up...

...these days, i see my dad only in the shifting sands of my memory and in my dreams at night...it's haunting and kind of comforting at the same time...i want to think that the way i saw him in this latest dream is how he is now--all signs of illness erased and his youth restored, smiling that big grin of his...

been listening to--
put danger back in your life--folksongs for the afterlife
time (the revelator)--gillian welch
befriended--the innocence mission
the legend of blind joe death--john fahey
march 16-20, 1992--uncle tupelo
s/t ep2--califone
our endless numbered days--iron & wine
mouthfuls--fruit bats

...happy day after mother's day! i guess this mother's day was a little more meaningful to me than past ones because i've got a little human the size of a beanie baby residing and growing in my tummy, and i'm the mommy! i'm almost 18 weeks now...this is about how my baby will look by the end of this week...what a cutie!

...teddy & i are getting our apartment in order...we broke down and went to ikea yesterday cuz it was getting old having our computer on a file cabinet and eating off a nightstand or decorative table...we got the very functional leksvik coffee table, we created our own work table for under a hundered dollars, got the vium wilton rug (in blue) for our living room so i can do my prenatal yoga now, got the cute tassa rund rug with the paw prints on it for our foyer...the grundtal wall shelf and s-hooks for our pots and pans, and some other stuff...i can't believe we spent over 3 hours there! we still have to find a dining set, esp. if we wanna have people over for dinner, which we do...

...we're getting so domestic! sheesh...

...we had dinner w/ my mom & bro in glenview for mother's day...my mom got me some maternity shirts...i'm gonna have to lay down some guidelines or she's gonna go nuts and buy me stuff left and right, and then she's gonna buy the baby stuff left and right...she told me she's already visited marshall field's baby section...she's totally ready to spoil my kid, but it's not gonna happen...our baby's gonna be punk rock from day one...what that means, i don't know, but i know it won't include shopping sprees at major department stores or even old navy...now wouldn't it be funny if teddy & i do our best to be loving punk rock parents and then end up w/ an alex keaton? what am i talking about? we just spent a small fortune at ikea! we're just posers, yeah...

been listening to--
the ep--owen
misery is a butterfly--blonde redhead
smeared--sloan
danse macabre--the faint
s/t--elliott smith

...well, it's been two years and one day since i lost my daddy...and boy oh boy is he missing out...unless he's watching of course...i mean, teddy's one good looking son-in-law and sweet as molasses...and then there's the growing peanut in my tummy which is most likely the size of a plum tomato by now...my belly on the other hand could be harboring a good dozen plum tomatoes...

...which leads to the next thing my daddy is missing out on...his little girl in maternity clothes...

...that's right...i broke down today and went a'shoppin'...thank heaven for old navy maternity! oh my lord, i can't even describe how much more comfortable maternity clothes are, right down to my undies! i didn't want to do this so soon, but it just gets to a point that when you stop wanting to go to work cuz ya don't have anything clean that fits any more, ya gots to take action...the rent must still get paid, my friends, there's no denying that...

...so the next time you see me, i will be sporting my new capri jeans with spandex panel that will grow as i grow...and grow...and grow!

...i sure do miss my daddy though...but it's a lot less painful now that i've got somebody that showers me with love and affection like he used to...

p.s. maternity hi-cut briefs are the most unsexy underwear on the face of this earth!

...ok...the wedding...lemme say a few things about it before i forget...

...it was a small wedding with mostly family and a few close friends held in my aunt rebekah's back yard in glenview...rebekah is not my REAL aunt, but she's like my 2nd mom and has been a party of my family since my age was still in the single digits...it was probably the most comfortable place for me to get married because it feels like home to me...

...the few days before the wedding were nervewracking just because there was a lot to do and i was losing my mind...i ended up buying shoes and my shawl the day before the wedding, and teddy's suit wasn't ready until two days before the wedding...we printed the programs ourselves, ordered flowers from someone i found online, rented chairs from the house of rental, bought a bunch of toule from michael's, etc...lauren, teddy's little sister, made these really gorgeous origami flowers for the wedding favors...there was a red flower & a light blue (in lieu of aquamarine) one for each guest, which we tied to the little toule bags of trader joe's truffles & italian fruit candies...it took lauren forever to make those...

...as you can imagine, i spent quite a bit of time picking the music...there was a preceremony mix of indie rock stuff, and then for the prelude we played a bootleg of ian moore singing 'wedding day' by alejandro e. as well as rosie thomas's song 'all my life' off her latest album...the processional was to denison witmer singing 'songbird' which was originally a fleetwood mac song...teddy laid down roses in the aisle (we didn't have a flower girl, just a flower groom!) before my brother jim walked me down the aisle...

...and then it happened...the rain...as soon as i got to the end of the aisle where teddy was waiting for me, the little wet things started falling out of the sky...oh well...what can you do? i gotta give rand credit though...he got us through that ceremony in like 18 minutes, so we weren't too bothered getting sprinkled on...most of the ceremony was out of the book of common prayer, but in addition to nanette's scripture reading from 1 corinthians 13, john niekrasz, our brown jown, read a sonnet he'd written for our wedding called 'nuptial'...it was really lovely...also, instead of a unity candle, ted and i did a 'blending of lives' water ceremony...on a small side table, we had two bottles of water which represented our individual lives--aquamarine water for me and red water for teddy...we each poured the contents of our respective bottles into a 3rd bigger bottle to create a blended color, which is kind of a purple, to represent the new life we are creating together...we used denison's instrumental song 'sarah's bridge' which was a perfect 58 seconds for that portion of the ceremony...and then we walked out as mr. and mrs. d. to bill & VoL's 'you know (that is nothing new)' off of summershine...we didn't do a receiving line, but we came back and dismissed each row ourselves, and there was a lot of hugging and kissing going on...

if you have a snapfish account, you can see a bunch more photos from the wedding and reception right here...most of the photos were taken by our friend phil kaufmann (teal pheal) at the wedding and then by my friend connie kim at the reception...i toyed w/ the idea of doing my own photos for the wedding, but it wouldn't have worked...

...we had a lot of fun at the wedding and reception...maggiano's has such awesome food! they say that most brides don't get to eat at their own wedding receptions, but you can believe this one didn't miss out on any of the food...oh, and there was a lot of clinking of glasses going on...it was almost deafening at times...seems like ever other bite, we'd hear someone banging on their glass...so we did a LOT of smooching all night long, but we were only too happy to oblige! our families got along surprisingly well, considering the possible culture clash, and our brothers jim & dave did a great job introducing everyone...that's what was nice about it being so small...everyone got introduced...

...it was great having some of our friends and family travel all the way to chicago for the wedding, like ted's bro charles & his wife ali, ted's uncle and aunt from atlanta, john from iowa city, jozka from ann arbor, ted's cousin connie & her husband ben from iowa...

...now we're just recuping and getting settled into our apartment...