...hi foks! here we are, teddy & me & baby-in-utero, at 33 2/7 weeks...yes, it's less than 7 weeks left for us now, and I CAN'T WAIT!!!! i had a dream a couple nights ago that i delivered the baby while in my sleep on our bed, and it was a piece of cake...all of a sudden here was this big slimy baby in my arms while i was lying in bed...i didn't see whether it was a boy or girl, so that's still very much up in the air...or maybe i should say it's very much 'in my womb', cuz the baby is definitely a boy or a girl by now (probably), we just don't know which yet...

...we've had some HMO woes the past week...we found out that our neighborhood hospital, swedish covenant, has a full nurse midwife staff and all their labor & delivery rooms have a jacuzzi tub in the bathroom...it would have been great to deliver with a midwife and do a water labor, so we tried to switch providers because we felt that overall, the staff and facilities at swedish were more in line with the type of natural birth we were going for...unfortunately, the way HMOs work is that they prepay for services to negotiate low prices w/ medical groups, so my delivery has long been paid for, even though i haven't given birth yet...and of course the HMO doesn't want to pay twice for the delivery, so they refused to let me switch to another medical group cuz that would mean they'd have to pay the new group all over again...although i feel that i have a legitimate quality of care issue that would override this policy, i just don't have the time to formally appeal this decision...the HMO still will not admit that it's a money issue...i only know because my parents' good friend and family doctor dr. shin told us that's the way it works, and my director of benefits confirmed this...i am going to submit a written complaint and try to get the HMO to admit that they won't let me switch providers because of the money thing, even thought it would probably mean better care for us and our baby...

to increase our chances for a safe, natural delivery, we've decided to hire a professional labor assistant (called a doula) to support us during the labor & delivery....we'll probably work with birthways, a doula service in chicago...they have a really good record and their staff are know not only for their ability to provide emotional support during labor, but also for their clinical knowledge...many have training in midwifery or are certified professional midwives...we just want to make sure that there's someone in the hospital who will make sure the medical staff honor our birth plan...it's amazing how little control you have during labor & delivery if you go in without knowing what choices you have as a patient, and you can end up receiving a bunch of medical interventions that you don't need...anyways, we of course have no idea what will happen between now and the time the baby is born, but we want to be as prepared as possible...we will do whatever is best for the baby's and my wellbeing, whether it's doing it all naturally or using some of the interventions that are available and can be life-saving in the right situations...

...last night teddy & i went to see the documentary why should the devil have all the good music?, and it was totally awesome! the theater was packed, and there were lots of questions for the filmmakers after the showing...most of the footage was shot at cornerstones 2001 & 2003...demon hunter was one of the bands shown, so i got to see jesse up on the big screen, which was a bonus...another band featured was celestial static, whom i hung out w/ a couple years ago when jesse was in town staying w/ me and they came up from aurora to visit him...a lot of the bands featured were hard core metal, and it was interesting seeing the kids in the audience covered in piercings and tatts sporting spiked colored hair raising their hands to worship jesus...i thought that the filmmakers, who themselves are not christians, did a great job portraying the subculture of christian rock/christians in the rock'n'roll community in a genuine way...there was also cool footage of the detholz! from a show @ the fireside, which was one of the few detholz shows that i missed...they looked & sounded TIGHT...a lot more creative than so many of the bands shown in the film, i thought...of course, i might be a little biased...

...we ran into our friend derek becker, the detholz!'s manager & mr. satellite booking, at the movie...he was with his new satellite cohort faiz razi (of danger adventure)...derek always introduces me to people as 'rock 'n' roll mama' which i guess fits me nicely now cuz i love the rock and i love the roll and i'm a mama...anyways, derek reminded me that the detholz! were playing a free show that night @ the hideout in conjunction w/ the film fest to celebrate the showing of WSTDHATGM...and steve albini was dj'ing, as well as tim midgett, the drummer for silkworm and husband of one of the filmmakers...even though 10pm is late for me nowadays, we decided to go to the show...

...now here's a silly story...after the film, we were standing outside the theatre on lincoln ave, when all of a sudden someone i recognize comes out of the theatre and passes by me...i'm totally speechless, cuz it's the frontman for one of my favorite bands WILCO...and i'm so flabbergasted i can't even remember his name...i start racking my brain, 'uncle tupelo was made up of jay farrar and j...j...j...' and that's all i could remember of his name....j...and so i call caleb on the east coast and tell him my situation and what is the lead singer of wilco's name? and he's like 'jeff tweedy...you are OBVIOUSLY PREGNANT...' JEFF TWEEDY!!! YES!!! how could i forget? like caleb said, i'm gonna plead the pregnancy thing...

...anyways, i somehow managed to walk past jeff tweedy & his wife without falling all over myself so we could get to our car, and we headed on over to the hideout...i hadn't been there in AGES...it was good to see the 'holz there cuz i've never seen them perform in that space before...it's a great space too...teddy played his last show w/ watchers there...cleo & her friend helen whom we'd run into @ the film were already at the show and were saving me a seat, which was totally sweet cuz i need to sit as much as possible, and sometimes it's hard to find an empty chair at a show...linda, derek's lovely wife was there too, and a ton of people who'd been at the film...teddy & i hung out w/ cleo & helen for a bit before the show, and then the boys started playing...they kept the audience (which included jeff tweedy by the way) entertained for the whole set...jim c (the frontman) has grown his hair out a bit, and it was all wavy and a bit fluffy, which was great when he'd thrash his head around while playing...anyways, the photos from the show are right over here...the detholz! play w/ oh my god @ the double door this saturday night...

...in other news, exactly 2 years ago today, i first laid eyes on a really hot drummer named ted at the empty bottle...and in less than 2 months (hopefully) from now, i will be giving birth to his child...in many ways, ours was a whirlwind romance...from the moment i first saw him setting up his drum kit at the watchers show, my heart literally started pounding, and i thought he was so hot and how would i ever get up the nerve to talk to him? luckily, i didn't have to...all that was arranged by michael, the frontman for watchers, who came up to me that night to inquire about the photos i took...and since i knew derek becker was friends w/ him, i talked to him for a while and we became friends so that it was only a matter of time before i got to meet that hot drummer...the rest is history...i had no way of knowing then where our lives were going to lead, but i know that there is no one else i'd rather be journeying down this road with than my very own teddy...

...so guess what's next on sarah's list of must-see documentaries? i'll give you a hint...the title of the film is also a larry norman song...if you don't know who larry norman is, well, that hint is totally meaningless...anyways, larry norman was one of the fathers of christian rock 'n' roll back during the jesus movement...and the song from which the documentary takes its title is 'why should the devil have all the good music?' yeah, why should he? anyways, it's a documentary about christians in the indie music scene (NOT the christian contemporary music notorious for really bad cheesy music, mind you)...the film is appearing as part of the chicago underground film festival and will be shown @ the 3 penny cinema on sunday and monday nights...

...why would i care about a documentary like this? well, it just so happens that many of my favorite artists are also christians, and many of them appear in this film...like david bazan of pedro the lion...the danielson famile...duvall...and my friends in the detholz!...and besides, since a bunch of the footage comes from the 2003 cornerstone festival, there's a chance i might be in some of the shots! ha ha, yeah, that's the real reason...i wanna see if i'm in the movie...it's highly unlikely, but you never know...

...anyways, based on this review, i think it's a rockumentary worth seeing...besides, steve albini's in it...

...i just got back from a 1.5 hour massage, and boy oh boy did i need it...one of the main reasons i hardly even go on the internet any more is that my ass hurts way too much, and the idea of sitting at a computer when i don't have to (i.e. when i'm not working) is just plain painful...i suppose it doesn't help that i don't have a comfortable work chair at home, just these old fashioned wooden school chairs that i got at a rummage sale for $8/each...

...anyways, i am now going on 32 weeks and i look pretty pregnant, don't you think? ted took this photo of me last saturday after we took a tour of the labor & delivery center at rush pres. where we're having our baby...i can't believe i have 8 more weeks to go, and this is the period where the baby gains the most weight...it will more than double its weight in the next 2 months, which is something i can't even fathom because i don't know how we're gonna fit a baby that big in my tummy...i guess that's why babies come out...they can't stand being so cramped any more...i mean, imagine being stuck in fetal position for months...that's gotta get old...that's something i worry about a lot...that my baby is uncomfortable being squished in such a tiny space...

...we went to see our OB again this morning...we had a lot of questions since we've been learning what to ask in our bradley method class...our OB admits to being very academic when it comes to how she practices, but she didn't oppose our using the bradley method...teddy & i want as little medical intervention as possible, and i think as long as i stay low risk, we'll be able to have the birth we'd like...in the end, i just want our baby to be healthy...i guess all i can do now is pray that this baby's head ain't too big for my birth canal and that it drops into my pelvis around the 38th week and that my cervix starts dilating enough soon after that so that our doctor won't schedule either an induction or a cesarean...i am not totally against the use of epidurals, but i think that if i am able to handle the pain naturally, through relaxation and controlled breathing, massage, being in the shower, changing positions as needed, etc, then i would rather deal with the pain and actually be able to feel when i have the urge to push instead of having to depend on the doctor telling me what to do when...

...it's interesting how an experience like pregnancy--where there is so much going on that feels out of control--will get you praying a lot more...you just want everything to be okay...for the baby to be as healthy as can be...for the birth to happen without any complications and hopefully without pain beyond what you can bear...to be good parents and not repeat the mistakes your parents made...and my natural instinct in situations like this is still to pray...there's so much that teddy & i can be afraid of as we enter this new stage in our lives, and i don't think there's anything i can do to try to control the outcome, except to pray, whether that's in the form of actual sentences uttered or thought out, or in the form of sighs and tears and emotions inexplicable...my doctor tells me that on paper, my pregnancy is about as boring as you can get...but you can't predict what will happen in the next 8 weeks...which is why i'm saying my prayers...and i'm sure my daddy's putting in a good word for us too...

...and in other news, hyde park vineyard has started a later sunday service (11am), which means teddy & i may actually show up for church even if none of our friends from out of town are visiting...pete & amy druck were visiting last week, so we went to church...rand probably chuckles when he sees us cuz it seems like the ONLY time we come to church is to see our out-of-town friends...

...pete & amy & their 17 month old elliot came over monday night so we could hang out a bit...i haven't seen these guys since the beginning of the year...sam & jenny and their 3 month old caleb came over too...sam & pete were with me at the new years eve party at ted's apartment 2 years ago which was a defining moment in our pre-dating relationship...it was good to hang out again with these guys, and now that we're all parents (or soon-to-be parents) there's lots to talk about...jenny used the bradley method in her birth, and she had a really good experience, so that was encouraging...

...my friends jenn & john had their little girl ada not too long ago, and i can't wait to see them...then there's my best friend from college michelle who's having her baby in the next couple of weeks...and we've met some very nice couples in our bradley method class...one of the dads-to-be plays bass in various bands and is a bruce lee fanatic, so he & teddy hit it off...it's all good cuz we need other parents our age to help us get through this...

...howdy folks...i'm home w/ a sore ass and a sore right knee and sore shoulders and a sore left calf...i've also lost my talent for sleeping...i think it's cuz the proper expansion of my lungs is being impeded by the invasion of the uterus...i've had this fear of suffocating in my sleep ever since i was a little girl...i saw something on TV back when i lived in korea about someone who suffocated in their pillow or something and ever since then, i've been afraid that i would somehow stop breathing in the middle of the night and die...

...anyways, i'm working from home cuz i can't walk all that great, and i really need to stay off my ass as much as possible, me thinks...

...so teddy & i have been taking the bradley method class, which is a natural childbirth education class, and we absolutely love it...i mean, we're both nervous about an unmedicated birth, but we really want to do it naturally, and this class is giving us the knowledge and skills we'll need to cope with the pain and fatigue and frustrations of labor/delivery...we don't want the birth of our baby to be a medical procedure...we want as little intervention as necessary...i'm thinking dim lights, some aromatic candles, bill mallonee & denison witmer & rosie thomas & sufjan stevens & iron and wine & ian moore & mojave3 on the cd player, lots of pillows--esp. if i'm gonna be crawling around on all fours a lot to lessen the pain, teddy staying close at all times, massaging me and encouraging me...it's not gonna be a piece of cake, but i think that it will be a great bonding experience for teddy, me and our baby...teddy's going to be as involved in the birth as he's been in this pregnancy all along in supporting me and the baby, and this whole experience will be a great start to our new family...

...i highly recommend the bradley method class for couples wanting to do a natural, partner-coached birth...it's a big committment (3 hours a week for 9-12 weeks), but i think it's well worth it...you find out all about the history and physiology of birth, nutrition, exercise, options for birth (no intervention to high intervention), what to expect, the benefits of breastfeeding and where to get the support you'll need to breastfeed, and you get to meet other couples having babies around the same time you are who live in the area...ted's already met another drummer and a bass player in class, and i've met a woman who does pregnancy massage and another woman who does women's physical therapy and both have spoken to me about my problems w/ my sciatic nerve...

...well, i better go make some lunch...i gotta eat for the baby ya know...

...when i used to live in glenview, i would get a season pass to the swimming pool...flick park has an olympic size pool with a waterslide that i absolutely loved...it's been years since i've been to that pool, but on saturday i decided to go by myself...the thing i love about flick pool is that it's often not crowded, especially if you go when it opens up at 11am on the weekends...it's clean, roomy, and family friendly...you've got babies in the wading pool, their parents and older sibling, and a lot of grandmas and grandpas too...there are these older women (late 40s, 50's) who are there just about everyday during the pool season, and they sit around in groups, dangling their feet in the water, eating plums and gossiping...they were there when i used to frequent the pool several years ago, and they were still there this weekend, in the same spot as always...even with my 7-months pregnant tummy i didn't feel self-conscious at all...i was too shy to go down the waterslide by my self though, so i was determined to convince teddy to go with me the next day to the pool so that i'd have a waterslide buddy...

...as you can see from these photos, i was successful in my quest to convince my watershy husband to take me back to the pool on sunday...teddy even had a lot of fun! i knew he'd like the waterslide...we spent two hours in that pool, and i'm definitely feeling the effects today...it was so fun going down that waterslide again and again, but climbing those stairs really gave me a workout...still, i just love being in the water, esp. on a hot summer day...i'm not much of a swimmer, but i can still appreciate the sensation of floating effortlessly in deliciously cool waters on a hot humid day...

...sunday afternoon, we went to see the documentary 'the corporation' with siblings/significant other--dave & ellen and lauren & douglas (lauren's boyfriend who's in town from sweden)...it was pretty heavy stuff that i'm still chewing on...i'll comment more on it later when i've had time to think things through a bit...the website for the film is really cool w/ great links and info on how to become more active in our societies to create change...