While many teens welcome physical growth connected with adolescence, most struggle with losses must endure in order to achieve emotional maturity. As psychotherapist Paul van Heeswyk argues, these include loss of childhood body and the loss of full dependence on parents. In transition between childhood and adulthood, adolescents are often far from their parents' beliefs as part of growing up. But sometimes "break" and act disrespectfully. Adults can meet the challenge presented by disrespectful teenagers, who confuse independence for impudence, practicing "positive discipline" - modeling of behavior and speech that they would like to see in their teenage children.
• Practice what you preach. Although a teenager behaves disrespectfully, not responding angrily. This does not mean that it's wrong to feel anger; it just means that express it rarely produces desirable results. Teaching teens the value of respect requires action, not just words ..-- like everyone else (perhaps only more so), adolescents respond to what they see as to what they hear. Demanding compliance with a sharp rebuke usually will self-destruct impact as it reaches the ears of a teenager. Provide a request in respect of dyspeptic irritation tones, simply contradicts himself. Most teenagers will post this. Stay respectful and polite even when privately angered. It is "positive discipline" ..-- constantly modeling desirable behavior even when under fire, rather than simply react negatively to unacceptable behavior.
• Avoid the two cardinal traps - retaliation or submission. Psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott believed that children of all ages should be tested parental resilience in order to grow healthily. Acting defiantly, insolent or stubbornly, they build faith in their parents' ability to survive intense feelings. When parents do not want direct flights to temperaments or collapse in heaps defeated in response to the challenging behavior of a child, the child learns to handle the feelings that guide his actions. well integrated aggression, for example, can be transformed into a valuable resource, helping your growing child to fight his corner and stand up for himself. Imperfect aggression as angry outbursts, passive impotence or even depression, Winnicott observes, are often the product of parental failure to survive emotionally, ie no counter or emotional breakdown.
• Maintain positive expectations, even when a teenager falls short of them. Adult expectations of positive results from young people, including courtesy and good behavior, may encourage them to rise to the occasion and make additional efforts to overcome difficulties and make good any harm caused by indifference moments. But keep positive expectations realistic. If too high, they can only end in failure. For example, a teenager who excels in sports may not excel in math; insisting on both amounts to a form of emotional despotism. Some teens may actively groped to ruin those expectations through blatantly provocative behavior or anti-social, just to break the tyranny of impossible ideals. But a teenager who knows that his parents expect ordinary good things of his finds your self-confidence and resolve strengthened.
• Accept reparative gestures. Followers of the psychoanalyst Melanie Klein, as John Steiner, say the discovery of Klein of the value of kindness in mental development gets re-visited all his life, even during adolescence. It takes a good dose of mental strength, Klein had shown, to endure the guilt after destructive behavior periods. But the blame, for Klein, it is valuable for human relationships ... can sponsor the remorse and the desire to repair any damage. An adult who graciously accepts repairer offers a disrespectful teenager, both in the form of open apology or simply through a spontaneously made cup of tea or a mowed lawn, helps strengthens the tendency reparative. Than can be saved by disrespect when remorse and repairs are genuine.
• Entertainment that respect leads to a win-win situation. Even when there are strong differences of opinion, matters discussed pleasantly and sympathetically rarely produce hurt feelings. Disrespect and hostility often arise as a reaction to feelings of humiliation. Respectful of differences, however, often love to deepen and improve cordial relations. Respect does not necessarily mean avoiding contention; but it means to handle it with kindness and courtesy. Teenagers can absorb these approaches absorb as much as the content of the discussion.