Happy Boxing Day/First Day of Kwanzaa!!

I hope you all had a lovely holiday however it was celebrated (or not). We've been busy, but we also enjoyed our time with our families.

I think this was the first time Cadence actually enjoyed the act of opening presents. Since we wanted to keep things simple and not so focused on presents, we only gave her one small gift to unwrap on Christmas morning at home. It was a wooden crocodile that I had bought at the Seeds of Change marketplace earlier in the month. Cadence had wanted it then, but I had bought her a giraffe already, so I bought it when she wasn't looking and saved it for her. And she totally remembered that it was the crocodile from church and immediately reunited it with her giraffe.

We stopped at my uncle's in the burbs on the way to Ted's parents' house. My mom was spending Christmas with them, so we got to see her too. My cousins Sherline and Debbie were there too, and it's always nice to spend time with them. I think they enjoy having a little kid's voice in the house, especially for the holidays.

It turned out to be a good thing that we only gave her the one gift in the morning since there were definitely a lot of presents with her name on it under Grandma and Grandpa's tree. See that big box with the snowflakes? That's from Great Grandma Carol, and there were no less than half a dozen entire outfits in there.

Ted's mom and his Aunt Martha made Christmas dinner, which was as lovely as it was delicious. Cadence was excited to sit down at the beautiful place setting, but when it actually came time to eat, she decided against it.

After a couple bites of pasta, she decided it was time for dessert but settled for an apple she found in the fruit bowl. Finally, someone left a tupperware full of Grandma's yummy cookies out unsupervised on the kitchen table, and Cadence was in heaven.

At least four cookies later, we were served Auntie Martha's homemade eggnog ice cream, and Cadence absolutely loved it. In fact, she traded one of the cookies she had in her fist to me for my last spoonful of ice cream. I think she must have had 10 cookies at least during the course of the evening. And about 20 minutes before we left, she found the bowl of gumdrops.

Cadence probably had a week's worth of sugar in a span of 3 hours. And this is the kid who when she opened up her present from Yia Yia and found a bag of M&Ms said, "Look! Snack!" and put the bag down uninterested. Had we told her it was chocolate, she would've made us open it up on the spot.

It was a nice time with the family, although we were missing Uncle Charles and Auntie Ali in Seattle, as well as Uncle Dave and Aunt Becki and Uncle Douglas and Auntie Lauren who were vacationing in Athens for Christmas.

Alright. I'm pooped. I've been back at work as of today, but at least it's a short week. We're still super busy trying to clean up the tornado that apparently blew through our condo during the holidays. We've got people coming over on Sunday so we don't have much of a choice. The good thing is that I remembered that there is a new Salvation Army Family Store that just opened up in our neighborhood, so we can give away a lot of our stuff and hopefully, HOPEFULLY, in 2008 we'll get a system of organization down. I guess I'd have to believe in miracles for that one to come true.

Best Shot(s) Monday--Then One Foggy Christmas Eve-Eve-Eve-Eve

It being Christmas this week and all, I guess I gotta post some Christmasy photos. I've actually been terribly busy and haven't had much time to lift up my camera, but we did go to the Daley Plaza downtown on Friday night to do some family oriented holidayesque stuff, so I can at least post a few of those shots.

It was a rather foggy night, which made the scene all the more dramatic with the spotlight effect of the extra bright streetlights.

There was actually a lot going on besides the big old blindingly bright tree. Cadence loved all the hustle and bustle, especially anything related to model trains, fake penguins and fake armadillos.

There was a German festival of sorts going on with a number of vendors selling everything from German chocolates to pastries to bratwurst to toys to ornaments galore.

This was definitely the place to be if you wanted Christmas ornaments. Or a $3,000 nativity scene.

It's been very busy around here, which is why I've been neglecting this here blog. Actually, I've been working on getting my new domain/blog up and running. It's pretty much ready to go now, I think, but I'll wait until the New Year to make a clean break of it.

See other folks' Best Shots on Tracey's first BSM at Mother May I.

Best Shot(s) Monday--Bring on the Holidays

I normally wouldn't post a photo of myself because I usually hate my own photos, but I kinda like this one. I took it on our hayride yesterday at the Pioneer Tree Farm in McHenry, IL, a place where you can get organically grown Christmas Trees for the great flat price of $35.

And here are Cadence and Ted sitting across from me on our hayride. Cadence wasn't so sure about the bitterly cold winds, but once that wagon started bump, bump, bumping along, she was happy as a clam.

She was kinda more interested in finding pine cones than a Christmas tree, and there were a few times when she almost threw a fit amongst the trees, but I was determined NOT to ruin the experience of getting our very first Christmas tree, so I didn't give up on our search for "the perfect tree."

I finally found a tree that was just right. It may not be the most perfectly shaped tree in the world, but that's what makes it perfect for me. Ted had mixed feelings about cutting down a live tree, but when he actually put blade to tree trunk, it came down pretty fast. Well, I just hope it wasn't a Talking Tree...

And here's that same tree in our living room. It's the perfect size for our big window. We haven't decorated it yet, but I have a box of handmade Christmas kitsch ornaments from Yia Yia and her friends who run a Christmas bazaar every year, so I think our tree's gonna look mighty fine once we're done with it.

Go see other folks' Best Shots on Tracey's Picture This.

Seeds of Change

Our church, Berry UMC, is part of the Chicago Fair Trade coalition, and yesterday was our semi-annual Seeds of Change marketplace, a fair for local artisans to sell their products as well as other fair trade vendors to sell goods from around the world.

There were also performances during the event, including WNEP Theater's Soireé DADA. Cadence was a bit puzzled and quite captivated by the trio of white-faced decked out DADAists walking, dancing, singing, shouting and otherwise soireé-ing around customers and vendors alike.

This is whole different take on DADA than what we're used to in our family, where DADA generally refers to TED.

Anyhoo, it was a very enjoyable day, and there seemed to be a pretty good-sized turnout, despite the snowy then rainy weather. Our friends Jenn and John and Ada showed up too, so Cadence had someone to play with for a couple hours. I found some really cool ornaments made by a woman named Erin (I think) who used scraps of clothes she didn't want anymore. It's got me thinking I'd like to do some stitching of my own. We're hoping to get a Christmas tree this year, so we'll be needing some ornanments. It'll be Cadence's first tree, and I think she's gonna love it, considering one of her favorite books is about these teddy bears who go and find a Christmas tree, bring it home and decorate it.

I didn't have a Christmas tree growing up because my dad believed that it was a pagan symbol. I was always embarrassed that our family was so different, and I knew some of my classmates thought I was weird. I guess that's why I want so much for our family to have a Christmas tree. I want Cadence to have memories of going to a tree farm and picking a tree, of playing Sufjan's Songs for Christmas while decorating the tree, of making our own ornaments and decorations for the tree. You know--normal, wholesome memories.

I guess you could say I'm planting my own little seeds of change in my family.

Keepin' It Real...Or Trying To...

A while back, Ted mentioned that I should blog about something to motivate me to take action about that said something. I've been mulling it over because I don't really know how to blog about it, so I'm just gonna do it. My thoughts haven't crystallized, so if I sound like I'm rambling, that's because I am...

Anyhoo, one of Ted's passions in life is Voluntary Simplicity. Yes, I know you all thought all he was interested in is beer and homebrewing, but he's actually more complex and contemplative than I usually let on. I'm all for Voluntary Simplicity in theory. But when it comes to day-to-day living, man, do I totally suck at it.

For the past 3.5+ years we've been living together, Ted has been trying to get our family to minimize our possessions and to declutter our living spaces. Poor thing. You see, he married a packrat. Needless to say, it has not been a painless process for us. But I think I'm beginning to see the light. I recently had a daydream/visualization of the world just filling up with stuff and stuff and more stuff at an astronomical rate, and it really freaked me out. I can see that happening in our home, and it's really got to stop.

I like to think of myself as someone who is bucking the system, rejecting material consumption, and who cares about the environment. Truth be told, however, I'm sooooooo lazy at it, which makes me question my motives. Do I really care, or do I just want to keep up appearances because Green is the New Black [could someone explain this phraseology to me?]?

Anyhoo, I'm not being hard on myself or anything here. I'm just trying to sort out what's real, and if I've been faking it all this time, well, I gotta come clean one way or another...To Be Continued...Indefinitely...

It's 4 Days After Thanksgiving...And I'm Still Full

That's probably because I just ate me a big old turkey sandwich with--what else?--leftover turkey. I normally post my Best Shots Monday on Mondays, but I'm not in any mental condition to pick out what I consider my best shots. In other words, I'm feeling mighty lazy. Besides, "best" is such a heavy word. Nevertheless, I don't want to neglect posting SOMETHING today, so how about a smattering of various photos from last week? That way, no pressure on me to post anything earth-shattering.

Rock 'n' Roll. 'nuff said.

And more Rock 'n' Roll paraphernalia. If you want to see what Cadence looked like in this shirt 3 years ago, click here.

And here's something a little more classical. Although she looks like she's playing some boogie-woogie.

And what would Thanksgiving be without hugs from Uncle Jay?

Or Uncle Dave?

Or Grandpa? Of course, we were missing Auntie Lauren and Uncle Doug in Sweden and Uncle Charles and Auntie Ali in Seattle and Auntie Becki in Bali (kinda jealous about that last one).

This would be the most crowded photo of the week.

This would be my sweetest photo of the week. Cadence totally looks up to her 6-year-old cousin Mackenzie. Hmm...maybe she can talk to her about the potty. You know, all casual-like...

And this would be my saddest photo of the week. Sad because it's THAT cold, not so much because the poor cig got stuck.

Now if someone can point me to an organic nursery that sells potted christmas trees, I'll be all set.

And the Sickness Continues...

Yep. Cadence is still sick. And I have a sore throat. I'm pumping my body full of Emergen-C in hopes that things don't get any worse.

But here's a funny little incident that occurred around the dinner table this evening.

Ted: I think I want some i-c-e-c-r-e-a-m...
Cadence: Yeah! I want some ICE CREAM!!!
(Ted and I look at each other in amused horror)
Ted: Cadence, what does i-c-e-c-r-e-a-m spell?
Cadence: ICE CREAM!!!

I guess we're gonna have to brush up on our Pig Latin...

BusyBusyBusy

Woah, is it really Wednesday already?! Holy schmoles. I've been super busy for several reasons. First of all, Ted and I spent every free moment (e.g., while Cadence was napping/sleeping) this weekend watching episodes from the 1st Season of Heroes. 2nd of all, Cadence seems to be fighting a bug. She's had a fever since the middle of Monday night, and I think some cold/ear infection symptoms are manifesting today. 3rd, I'm super super busy at work. That's why I skipped my usual Best Shot(s) Monday post. I'll try to make it up today, but I have to admit my brain is a bit preoccupied by homeopathic remedies for all the possible things that may be ailing Cadence. She seldom gets sick (go breastmilk!), so when she DOES feel a bit under the weather, all that mommy anxiety and stress I've been saving up come out in full force.

Was Saturday as beautiful in your neck of the woods as it was in ours? I hope so. Totally perfect autumn weather. Crisp, clear and sunny. Too warm for a coat but warm enough to get by with a sweater. We took advantage of the day and visited Garfield Park Conservatory w/ my cousin Kris. My other cousin Ben and his wife Rachel and daughter Eden and their friend Seth joined us later.

It was the last weekend of Niki in the Garden, a special exhibit of Niki de Saint Phalle's oversized and colorful sculptures. It's the perfect exhibit for families, as many of the sculptures are interactive and even climbable.

Cadence made the most of the afternoon sun and even found a little hill to run up and down. She loved that the grass was covered with small golden leaves.

It eventually got chilly as the sun got lower and lower on the horizon. I had left Cadence's jacket in the car, so I put my hoodie on her. I have to say, she looks like the cutest grim reaper I've ever seen.

Okay, I'm really starting to bore myself with this post, so just enjoy the photos. I SO totally need a nap...

This is what I call signature Cadence Cheese. Snapped right before we got kicked out, as the park was closing.

At church Sunday. A totally BFF moment.

And by Sunday afternoon, it was cold enough to dig out the winter coat and hat. Here we are on our way to Metropolis for some really yummy hot chocolates.

It was so cold that the park was abandoned, and we could do goofy things with abandon.

Like kicking our feet up and using the slide as a sofa.

Or taking ridiculously sentimental and cheesy timer self-portraits.

Alright. Enough with the cheesiness. Hopefully, all that homeopathic stuff will work and Cadence will be feeling better soon. Still, I'm sure we won't be going anywhere on Halloween night this year. Good thing I already took photos of her in her costume:

Happy Halloween, y'all!

Best Shots Monday--Blog Action Day for the Environment

Today is a Blog Action Day, a day when bloggers around the world will post about a single topic for the purpose of raising awareness and activism and discussion. This year, the topic is the environment. I normally participate in Tracey's Best Shot Monday on Mondays, so this week, I've decided to incorporate the topic of the environment into my post.

On Saturday evening, Ted and his brother Dave took our week's delivery from our CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) subscription and cooked a delicious meal. What you see in the photo above are herbed potatoes, broccoli and leeks with some garlic cloves thrown in for good measure.

Our friend Erik came over, and we had a lovely spread on our table. The boys made a soup which consisted of 4 different squashes, and they even roasted the seeds from the squash to add to the green salad. Ted also made a pumpkin bread that was absolutely perfect (and the only thing Cadence wanted to eat).

And to top it all off, we toasted some of Ted's homemade dandelion mead, which was made from dandelion flowers that he and Dave and Cadence had picked themselves this past spring.

So what does a home-cooked meal prepared and shared with friends and family have to do with the environment? Well, let me tell ya...

As a non-farmer or gardener (like many urban dwellers), our family is dependent on other people to grow and raise our food for us. And more likely than not, most of us have absolutely no idea who or what corporation is responsible for the meals we put on our tables to feed ourselves and our loved ones on a daily basis. We may know what company is selling the products in the stores, but we don’t know much else.

CSA attempts to connect communities to local farmers so that they develop a relationship with each other that goes beyond the transactional. This way, we can "put the farmer’s face on the food," which is what the Japanese who pioneered the concept of CSA refer to as teikei.

And indeed, we DID think of our farmers Tony and Dela Ends, whose family-owned and operated Scotch Hill Farm delivers our CSA subscription every Saturday. We toasted them as we ate, knowing that our meal was the product of their sweat and tears, as well as their love for the land and commitment to stewarding it gently and naturally. Ted and I have been to their farm and seen the incredible amount of work that goes into growing food without the use of pesticides and other chemicals. The weeds, oh, the WEEDS. And to have to pull them up with your bare hands…

We are also lucky in that Farmer Tony is an eloquent writer, having been a journalist for 14 years prior to becoming a farmer. I look forward to his newsletters every week. Here is an excerpt from one of his newsletters:

"What it's all about--Every spring, Dela and I feel the same strange mix of sensations. In a progression that starts in January, we plan, budget, finance, order, purchase, seed, tend to the start of a whole season of vegetable and herb crops. The first few weeks of delivery, we sing in our hearts a joyful praise of delicious spring greens and herbal delicacies that arrive first among more than 100 wonderful plant varieties our subscribers will experience over the next 5 months. Yet as closely as we work with the cycles of life, we catch ourselves thinking these first weeks we should be able to give you the same uniformity, weight and variety you can find in any convenience-oriented store, any day or night of the year. Here we all are trying to be conscientious about the Earth, trying to do something daring and different, eating outside the Happy Meal box. We read and hear about what’s happening to the Earth and its resources every day. We all know human beings cannot conveniently and efficiently deliver mass quantities of plants and animals without mass quantities of synthetic chemicals, fossil fuels and farm and business practices that ironically kill Natural diversity, kill local economies, kill families. Yet when we have to adjust our appetites, food schedules, meal expectations to Mother Nature, we still feel somehow that she should be like a modern grocery store manager and warehouse distribution center. Seasonal eating can be delightful and frustrating. You are called on to be creative with each week’s fresh produce. We'll do our best for you. We’ll offer suggestions. We’ll give you what Nature gives us, on her schedule for this climate, these soils, this year’s rain and temperature. Yet we share in the discipline and the mental work of healthful change together." –Tony Ends of Scotch Hill Farm

This was the newsletter that opened the delivery season this summer in June. It was before we knew that there would be absolutely no rain in July and floods in August, wiping out a significant portion of his year’s harvest for Tony and Dela and so many other small family farms.

And this is the other thing our CSA-provided meal has to tell us about the environment…Global warming is real, and it affects small-time farmers in a big way. Tony mentioned in one of his newsletters how he and his fellow farmers experience first-hand the climate-changing impacts of global warming. It makes it that much harder for them to produce our food in an environmentally responsible manner. If global warming gets worse, it will have a grave impact on food production worldwide.

That being said, I want to focus on hope. I know there is a lot more to the environmental crisis than local farms, but this is the part of the story I want to share because it's something I've come in contact with in my own life that gives me hope. There are a growing number of small family farms that are committing to providing local communities with food grown naturally and sustainably. As a parent, I want to provide my daughter with food that was grown not with money in mind but the well-being of the land and water, animals AND consumers in mind. As a parent, I want to know that our kids and their kids and so forth have a beautiful world to look forward to, instead of inheriting the burden of environmental disaster created by greed and gluttony on the part of individuals and corporations.

Learn more:
http://www.localharvest.org/
http://eatkind.net/
http://www.familyfarmed.org/
http://www.sowtheseedsfund.org/

See who else is participating in Blog Action Day here. And see other folks' best shot Monday on Tracey's Picture This.

Girl Time!

Sunday was girl-fest for Cadence and me. While Ted and our neighbor Chad were sweating away brewing a batch of Nut Brown Ale, we girls spent the afternoon with my cousin Kris. We had lunch at Charmer's Cafe on Jarvis and hung out afterwards at our place. When Ted finished brewing, we all hung out on the porch sipping our beverages and just enjoying being lazy. Of course, Cadence was napping during this part, or there was no way we would have been allowed to be LAZY.

In the evening, we met up with Miss Mia and some of the girls from Team Do!Boo! at a newish Korean restaurant called Su Ra in Wicker Park. Ted brought some homebrews, which was much appreciated, especially by Melissa and her husband Andrew who are thinking of homebrewing. Ted was totally happy to have folks to talk to about beer, I was happy to see the girls and have some Korean food, and Cadence wasn't too bad off either with all the emoh's (aunties) there to dote on her.

Team Do!Boo! is a group that Miss Mia formed a few years ago with some of the Korean American girls she was hanging out with. We formed a collective of creative types, kind of like a Korean American all-girl art gang. We've gotten together to learn how to cook Korean food or study the Korean language. Some of the girls have done spoken word performances together. I haven't hung out too much with Team Do!Boo!, considering I got pregnant right about the time we formed as a group, but I still like keeping in touch and spending time with them.

I promised Mia I would post this photo of nose-picking Cadence and the girls. Actually, I have to consider Cadence a member of Team Do!Boo! because she's been to almost all the events with me, either in my uterus or as a baby and toddler. Like how many kids could say they've been in a Korean American all-girl art gang from the time they were in utero? Not too many, I would think.

Birthday Outing--Recap in Photos

Here's a recap of Cadence's actual birthday (Monday the 24th) told in photos, because I am too drained from being sick all week to write a meaningful blog post.

Breakfast at Pauline's, cuz who WOULDN'T want to start off their 4th year of life with French toast and strawberries smothered in real whipped cream?

It's her birthday, and she can make funny faces if she wants to.

She fell asleep on the car ride over to the planeterium, but perked up when we told her we were gonna see the moon and planets and stars. BTW, a really good, cheap place to park downtown is right on that little strip of meters by the Field Museum, Shedd Aquarium and the Adler Planeterium. They have TEN (no, not two, TEN) hour parking meters for just a quarter a half-hour. Plus, there's a free trolley stop right in front of the Planeterium.

Oh, and did I mention the Planetarium was free on Monday? It's also free the whole week of October 8th-12th, plus on Mondays and Tuesdays in October and November. Now that I've given you the tip on cheap parking, you've got no excuse not to go.

Looks like Ted and Cadence will be going to the moon. Just like Wallace and Gromit. We ARE a cheese-loving family, so it only makes sense.

After the Planetarium, we headed over to Navy Pier. Ted found street parking on just the other side of Lake Shore Drive, so we didn't have to pay $20 to park for our hour of fun on the Pier. I didn't even know there was a carousel there, so that was a special bonus for Cadence, who absolutely ADORES carousels and anything horse-related.

The main reason for going to Navy Pier was to ride on the Ferris Wheel. I know folks who've gotten engaged on that thing, but after all these years living in Chicago, I had never ridden in it myself. Cadence has admired the Wheel from a distance while driving past it on Lake Shore Drive, so she was excited when Ted told her we'd be going up for a ride in it.

I wasn't sure if she'd get scared being up so high in a flimsy little carriage, but that thing moves so slow, so she was just fine. And her big strong Dada held her close the whole time, so of course she felt safe.

We didn't get home until past 5:30, but we were able to squeeze in a ride on Cadence's new trike before the sun went down.

She still hasn't figured out the pedaling part yet. And yes, sparkly ballet flats are probably not the ideal shoes for riding a tricycle, but then again, why the heck not?! I paid full price for those shoes in a last-minute fit of desperation before the wedding last month, so I want her to get as much use out of them as possible!

And that's about it, folks. I've been sleeping on the couch (when I'm lucky to be able to sleep at all) the past couple nights due to my hacking cough, so I'm pretty exhausted. I stayed home from work Thursday but still had to work all day to be able to finish a project that was due that day. Plus, I had to watch Cadence most of the day, since she decided she'd rather nap than go out w/ Ted on his 3-hour errand.

Tonight, though, I'm getting me some much needed girl time w/ my friend Amy (Cadence's best bud Rudden's mom) PLUS some high culture courtesy of the Strawdog Theater Company, which my friend John (Ada's dad) is a part of. They are performing four radio scripts (one of which John wrote) PLUS it's a free show! My kind of evening, all the way.

Stop The Presses! We Have a Winner!!

Ok, I'm like totally swamped w/ work related stuff, but here's a short post. So we went to the Great Lakes Brewfest in Racine, WI on Saturday. And by 'we' I mean Ted and his brother David, who was turning 35 the next day. It was a 21-and-over event, so Cadence and I had to find other things to do.

While Ted and Dave were at this all-you-can-drink mayhem, Cadence and I checked out the local tourist trap, where she had her Very First Pony Ride. I didn't think she would actually get on the pony, cuz the whole time we were in line watching the other kids get their turn, she kept asking me where the 'little horse' was. I told her this was the littlest one they had, and she seemed worried. Once she was on the pony, I had to walk with her almost the whole time, which is why I only have this one crappy photo. Still, a little girl's first pony ride is something that MUST be documented.

The weather was absolutely gorgeous. Can the sky get any bluer than that? And this photos was taken WITHOUT my polarizing filter. It didn't get any warmer than 70 degrees, if that. It's really my favorite kind of weather. You know. Seattle summer weather.

It was positively nippy by the time we headed back to Racine to pick up the boys. Cadence and I visited the lakefront where the fishermen were throwing their lines, and the wind was starting to get pretty chilly, as you can see from Cadence's nose matching her jacket.

The sun set while we were by the lake, and the horizon turned a beautiful shade of pink. I love Lake Michigan right around sunset.

We went to pick up Ted and Dave when the brewfest was over, as I was the designated driver. And it's a good thing. Stinkin' drunk they were by the time I picked them up. They were running down the street pretending to be shooting at each other like they were little kids, while I was honking and honking and they ran right past the car without realizing it was me. While I was taking this picture, I didn't realize there was a guy peeing in the bushes behind them (another inebriated participant of the brewfest), and he yelled out at me, 'What are you, the PO-LEECE?!!' If he'd kept his mouth shut, I wouldn't have even seen him.

Anyhoo, in conjunction with the brewfest, there was a homebrew competition. Ted entered 4 of his brews, and we just found out today that he won 2nd place in the IPA (India Pale Ale) category!!!! You can see the results here. Scroll down to Table 17 to see the winners of the IPA category. This was the one with most entrants (19) so 2nd place is actually quite impressive. And there's Ted in the photo above celebrating with the most excellent Rogue Mocha Porter, which just became available at Trader Joe's. A well-deserved drink, I'd say.

Read more about Ted and his homebrewing obsession on his blog.

I'm So Tired I Could Cry...

And no, it's not because Cadence smothered herself in butt cream the other day, although the fact that I didn't notice she was being unusually quiet under the table (which usually means poop or trouble) should be an indication of my current state of exhaustion.

I thought that once the wedding was over, I'd be able to catch my breath, but I was busy editing photos all week after the wedding and fretting over what processor to use for printing the photos (which if anyone has any suggestions, I'm totally open to 'em), and then we've had tons of family related stuff since last Monday, with cousins in town, birthdays, Belgian Beer tastings, etc.

I guess I just have to accept the fact that I'm not a superhuman and that my body and mind and emotions can only take so much fun and drama before I begin to fall apart and start doing things like almost missing my stop on the train or nodding off at my desk mid-email (both of which I've done today).

Our friend (and my cousin Jeannie's boyfriend) Erik has been staying with us since last Monday, and my cousin Jeannie has been staying with us since she flew in on Wednesday. There have been many hours of talking and laughing and beer drinking since, and I guess there's only so much fun you can have before you start losing your ability to function.

I feel really bad for Cadence. No, feeling bad is an understatement. Plagued by guilt is probably more accurate. I was so busy with all the wedding preparations, and then editing photos, and now hanging out w/ guests and family. I think I've totally screwed up her night-time schedule as she hasn't been going to bed before 11:30pm for almost a month now, and it's totally not her fault. What toddler could resist all that stimulation when there's so much going on?

And still, she is such an awesome kid. Yes, she's demanding and opinionated and spirited, but what I've learned is that if I give her focused attention, without rolling my eyes or giving her attitude, and I do what I can to meet her needs in that moment, she is perfectly agreeable and in fact a very sweet kid. Children are so forgiving of their parents' shortcomings.

I've got several hundred photos from the past weekend that I need to get through. I'm going to take my time, though. I mean, who really cares about my Garfield Park Conservatory photos anyways? Or snapshots of family? Those photos will still be around in another week or two. Of course if I take another few hundred photos this week, then I'll REALLY be digging myself into a hole. I guess I should just hide my camera for a few weeks then...And I should probably stay away from the Hideout's annual block party...

And More Wedding Photos

Ok, now where were we...Ah, yes. On to the reception!

Here are the newlyweds entering the reception hall to much applause.

And straight into their first dance as husband and wife.

Next was the bride's dance with her father.

And if you look closely, you will see Lauren's pink Converse All-star sneakers peeking out from under her dress. I just couldn't resist taking this shot...

The part that may have produced the most tears from the guests was the dance with all four of Lauren's brothers. Here she is with the oldest, Dave.

And with Jason, the youngest and her twin.

With Charles, the 2nd oldest brother.

And finally, with Ted, the middle brother.

Here's Cadence watching her daddy twirl her Aunt Lauren around the dance floor. She looked so thoughtful throughout the dance. I don't know what was going through her head. Maybe she thought her dad was a good dancer.

Here she is trying out Daddy as a dance partner. I am not even going to think of her dancing with her Daddy at her own wedding someday.

I have to admit, though, that Cadence didn't spend much time dancing cuz she was too busy running. No surprise there.

Can you hear the glasses clinking?

Oh, look. Another one! And a dramatic dip! Glad I had my camera ready!

This is one of my favorite dancing photos. That's Ted's mom and a very good family friend, Mr. Motyl.

I had a lot of fun photographing our friends Jeff and Lena. They are such a beautiful couple and a lot of fun on the dance floor. I have some goofy photos of them, but I really like this sweet one.

And this is probably in my top 10 favorites of the day. I think I need to do a little more editing, and it may look best in sepia or black and white. We'll see.

I think the dancing photos were the most fun to take. People were having so much fun! There was dancing pretty much non-stop for the reception. Even Grandma Sophie danced the afternoon away. She met a very nice Italian gentleman from Florida who whisked her around the dance floor. He later told me what a great dancer she was and how astounded he was by her agility and lightness of feet.

Anyhoo, I could go on and on with dancing photos, but I'll stop for now. The band definitely deserved a big round of applause.

There was an after-party at the parents' house post-reception, which all the wedding guests were invited to. Ted's mom is a fabulous hostess, and everything looked awesome with just one hired helper.

Some folks on Doug's (the groom's) side of the family gave speeches. I have to say, it amazes me how people from other countries (in this case, Sweden) are so good at speaking English. I mean, could you imagine going to Sweden and delivering a speech in front of 100 guests in Swedish? No, I didn't think so.

I think a lot more drinking went on at the after-party due to the presence of some really awesome homebrew made especially for the wedding by Ted and Dave and Ted's best friend Brian.

There was also no band to keep people on the dancefloor. Unless you were Dave and you dance to the beat of a different realm of reality.

By the end of the night, some of us were in dire need of some shut-eye. All in all, though, it was a fun day. I gotta say, Ted's family sure knows how to party, and I mean that in a very positive way.

So that's it for the photos. Again, you can see all 422 over here if you're so inclined. Hope you have broadband.

I'm Back! Plus Wedding Photos Part Uno

That's right, folks. I survived the wedding extravaganza week, and I'm almost back to my everyday life, which would include this blog, of course. I've been editing photos during every moment of my free time since the wedding on Saturday, and I finally have something to show you all. I took over 1,000 photos, and of these I kept a little over 400 from the wedding day itself. I've posted all these to a different flickr account, so if you want to have a look-see at ALL of them, you can mosey on over here. Otherwise, I'll share some of the more memorable photos in this blog post. Excuse the lack of words. I'm tired.

Here's Lauren, the bride, getting her makeup done.

And here's Becki (Uncle Dave's fiancee) the maid of honor waiting to get her hair done.

I thought this was a cute one of Lauren saying something to the girl styling her hair.

And Becki's all done.

Lauren's friend made those flower barettes.

And now we're at the church getting dressed in the bathroom.

Here's what the bodice of the dress looked like. Lauren had it made in Sweden.

And here's Becki's lovely dress.

And here is the bride's bouquet. The colors of the wedding were red and orange (for Rouge Douge and Orange Loren).

Here's me being artsy fartsy.

Here's a good view of Becki's dress. I think her mom's friend made it for her.

I didn't really take photos during the ceremony, so here they are moments after being married. The ceremony wasn't the kind that would've allowed me to move around much to take photos. The professional photographer basically planted his tripod and stayed put for most of the ceremony. I figured if he wasn't moving around, I wasn't going to either because I felt self-conscious of my very small lens.

I didn't partake in the family photos, either. I kind of hung around, but I know it's distracting to have two photographers taking photos for posed shots so I didn't take very many photos, except of folks just standing around, like Uncle Charles here. I was kind of disappointed that the photographer didn't do very many family shots. Maybe it's cuz I'm Asian, but I was hoping for a really big family photo. I think I was in only one of the posed photos (the sisters-in-law), and Cadence wasn't in any. But after visiting the photographer's website, I'm glad because the photos I saw on there were kinda scary. We may need to be photoshopping the professional shots...

This is one of the few photos of Cadence I took the entire day, not to mention the entire week. She was half-asleep already.

And here are the newlyweds going off to the reception in their limo. I have no idea how Ted's dad scored a stretch limo 2 days before the wedding.

This one may be my favorite photo of the day. Grandma Sophie had a blast blowing bubbles. She is a total HOOT to photograph.

Alright. I'll end it there for now. More later!

Best Shot(s) Monday--Dear God, Not Now, Please...

We went to the annual Chicago Korean Festival on Saturday. I don't know why I go to this every year. I guess to get my occasional Korean fix. Unfortunately, the food just isn't up to par, and I couldn't get any paht-bingsoo this year because the line was too damn long at Outdoor Cafe. We did get to spend some time w/ Halfmama and her family and later my cousins Ben and Rachel and Baby Eden, which was nice. I felt bad the festival was so lame though.

I am in full wedding preparation mode, PLUS I'm super busy at work. Poor Cadence...She's been watching a lot of Wonder Pets these days...

To make matters possibly worse, Ted started getting sick yesterday. We don't know if it's allergies or a cold. All I know is, we don't have TIME to get sick. Ain't that always the truth?

That's not all. I woke up with a migraine in the middle of the night last night, and I couldn't fall back to sleep. By the time I got to work at 8am this morning, I had already been up for 7 hours. That is going to throw my sleep WAY off. I just hope I don't get another migraine from the lack of sleep...

See more folks' Best Shots Monday on Tracey's Picture This.

Best Shot(s) Monday--Practicing

I'm practicing my photog skillz for Auntie Lauren's wedding, which is coming up really fast now! Here are a few of my faves from this past week:

Cadence's little friend Ada at her Dr. Seuss-themed 3rd Birthday Party. Notice her little tattoo on her arm. So cute!

Adorable little Nora at the birthday party. I like how Ada and Cadence are off in the distance, and here's little Nora chasing after them.

Here, I'm playing around on Picasa, which is a google software for organizing and editing photos. I've muted the colors every so slightly.

This one is kinda dreamy. I don't think I'd want to do too many photos like this as that would probably make me want to vomit. But a few here and there I think would be okay. I'm really not so much into the effects. I like when other people do 'em, but I like to keep things simple. Probably cuz I'm lazy.

The obligatory mirror shot. I like how the color of the walls reflected are a different color than the wall that the mirror is mounted on due to the sunlight hitting the opposit walls.

I just like the light in this one. And I am a big fan of window seats! I always think of Jane Eyre as a little girl hiding away in one of these and reading for hours and hours during the cold winter months.

This happened to be in Ted's parent's fridge. It's almost 2 years old! There will definitely be a bunch of homebrew at the wedding after-party.

There's something about this photo that I really like. Part of it is because I think Becki is just absolutely beautiful, in a really pure, natural and wholesome way. The awesome part is that she's really this beautiful on the inside too. I know that sounds hokey, but it's true. Uncle David is so lucky that she chose him!

As you can see, Cadence is quite fond of her Aunt Becki, whom she called Aunt Duckie for the longest time. *sigh*. I kinda liked it when she called her Duckie...

Oh, all of these photos were taken w/ the 50mm f/1.8 lens on my D50. I'm thinking I'll shoot mainly w/ that lens cuz I just love the blur. So I guess it won't matter so much that my 18-55mm is broken. I have an older 35-55mm from my film camera that I can use on my D50, so I'll do that. I'll use my D40 for my 55-200mm zoom lens, mainly at the ceremony. I'm going to focus more on the reception and after-party and leave the main ceremony shooting to the pros. There is no way I'll get much more than maybe some artsy looking grainy B&W shots at the ceremony, since the church does not allow flash or planted lighting. We'll see how it goes...

Go see other folks' Best Shots Monday at Tracey's Picture This.

The Uncles Come A-Visiting

Now I know y'all are familiar with Uncle Dave, Ted's oldest brother.

Cadence also has a series of other uncles who dote on her, including her uncles Phil (a.k.a. Teal) and John (a.k.a. Brown). It just so happens that they were in town this week (they live all over the place, most recently in Portland, OR) and paid a visit last night.

They had a chance to get caught up on Ted's latest homebrews over dinner.

John is leaving in the next 10 days for India where he will be studing music for 6 months.

Phil may be going to Ghana with their other friend Mikey for the funeral of Ghana's most esteemed xylophone player.

Some people get to travel everywhere!

Makes me want to renew my passport...

Photo slideshow of the visit is here, if yer interested.

The Other Camera

So my D50 body that I bought just for my 50mm f/1.8 lens? I think I'm finally getting used to it. It's still clunky compared to my D40. I've only taken probably less than 700 photos on it, compared to almost 9,000 on my D40, so maybe it's just a matter of practice before I'm feeling more at home with it.

I did get to do a little photoshoot with the D50 on Wednesday of my cousins Ben and Rachel's baby daughter Eden, who is now 4 months old. We went over to their place for a 4th of July BBQ. Cadence loves going to see Baby Eden. She still gets jealous when one of us holds her, but not as much as she used to. She even told Ted, as we were getting out of the car, that he could hold Baby Eden.

The more time I spend with Eden, the more I miss that itty bitty baby stage. And Eden isn't so itty bitty any more already! Ted and I were looking through some old photos last night of Cadence at around 4 months old. It's been so long since we could actually say she was chubby that I was surprised to see her chunkiness.

I know y'all are thinking we're totally gonna have another one with all this baby talk, but that's not true. Yes, Ted and I joke about it casually, with just a little hint of yearning in our voices. Would we be happy if we happened to get pregnant right now? I think so. Are we going out of our way to get pregnant? Uh, no.

Fact is, I don't know if I'll even be able to get pregnant again. My doctor had told me in my 20s that I would need fertility treatment to get pregnant. Apparently, Ted was fertility treatment enough. But now, I don't know…I've only had a few periods since Cadence was born. Yes, I'm still nursing, but only a couple times a day, and I don't think that would be enough to keep most women from ovulating again.

It may just be that Cadence is my one miracle baby and that I'll never get another chance to give birth again. I have mixed feelings about this, but you know, as much as I bitch and moan about what a handful Cadence is, she really is a totally kickass kid, and I can't believe how incredibly blessed I am to have the privilege of being her mama. So if it turns out that she is my only child, she's the best only I could have ever asked for, and I'm thankful for that.

Three Thoughts Thursday--On Hiatus

Sorry, folks, but I haven't had a thought worth sharing in a while, and I'm so behind on photos--and let's face it; this site is about the photos (mainly of Cadence) and not about me--so Three Thoughts Thursday will have to resume next week. Hopefully, I'll be thinking again by then.

Ted's dad flew us to Madison on Saturday afternoon, which saved us quite a bit of driving. And Cadence totally loves flying with her grandpa, so it was a special treat.

Cadence was totally chatty and excited as she enjoyed her in-flight snack of canteloupe and grapes that Grandma had packed for her, until we put the headset on her so she could hear us talking to each other. Then she totally froze and barely even blinked after that. I guess hearing our voices almost inside her head freaked her out. She just held onto Grandma's hand the whole time, staring straight ahead of her. When we took the headset off as we were landing, she just resumed chattering away, almost as if we'd turned her off and on again. Weird...

My cousin Casey, who had driven up earlier, picked us up at the Madison airport. We headed downtown to our hotel, the Madison Concourse and Governor's Club, which ended up being a block from the capitol and all the fun and excitement on State Street near the UW campus.

We grabbed some dinner at State Street Brats, and that's where Cadence began her hunger strike against food with any nutritional value for the entire weekend. She wouldn't eat anything but fries there, and things didn't get much better for the remainder of the vacation.

After dinner, we walked over to UW's Memorial Union Terrace on Lake Mendota to watch the Rhythm and Boom fireworks across the Lake. Apparently, half the town also congregated on the Terrace to see the fireworks, and it was so crowded you literally had to watch where you were walking so you wouldn't step on people's fingers.

The fireworks were okay, I guess, but I once attended the Celebration of Light in Vancouver, which is the largest fireworks competition in the world, and that kind of spoiled fireworks for me from then on. Chicago also has fireworks a couple times a week because of Navy Pier, so I guess I'm just a bit jaded.

Cadence LOVED being on the Terrace, and she basically did not stop running--and by running, I mean RUNNING--around until we left for the hotel some time after 11pm. Meanwhile, Ted and Casey had ordered two pitchers of beer and were taking their sweet time drinking them. The Union sells beer only to members, which Casey happens to be, and they sell pretty damn good beer. I was so anxious for the boys to be done with their beer that I actually had a glass myself, just to speed things along.

After two-and-a-half hours of sprinting, Cadence finally fell asleep in her stroller on our walk over to the hotel. We didn't even bother chaning her into her PJs. Goodness gracious, that girl knows how to party.

So remember that little itty bitty bit of beer I had to hurry things along on the Terrace? Well, it came back to smite me the next morning. I woke up hung over with an imminent migraine. Although I managed to take Cadence swimming in the hotel pool for a little bit, by the time we were eating breakfast (it was actually more like lunchtime by then), I was in so much pain and sick to my stomach. I knew that I had an appointment with the porcelin god and that there was no way in hell I could go on the New Glarus brewery tour which we'd planned for that afternoon.

Casey and Ted dropped me and Cadence off at the hotel (after I purchased a very large bottle of Excedrin), and I somehow managed to subscribe to the Disney Channel-On-Demand before rushing to the bathroom and taking care of business. It was pretty nasty. Somebody remind me to never eat potatoes when I know I'm gonna throw up in the near future.

I was sick the rest of the day. I closed all the blinds and let Cadence watch Little Einstein and Disney Clubhouse, which she was very happy about as she'd never seen those programs before.

My head was still in so much pain that I didn't even go out for dinner, even though it was a gorgeous day outside and I was starving since I'd been cooped up in the hotel room all day. Casey and Ted came back from their brewery tour, which they were able to enjoy since they didn't have to chase Cadence around. I did make them take her for dinner though, just to get her unglued from the tube. I, on the other hand, stayed in and ordered room service. I also stayed away from alcohol for the rest of the trip.

I did manage to drag myself out of the hotel room once the sun went down (I'm extremely photophobic when a migraine is plaguing me). We walked down State Street, and Cadence was as crazy as ever, running amok. Luckily, there is no car traffic on State Street, so I wasn't as stressed out about Cadence getting flattened by a vehicle.

We went to The Chocolate Shoppe, which is where our favorite Chicago ice cream shop, Sweet Occasions, gets their ice cream. Yeah, cuz Cadence NEEDS sugar. Really, folks, we don't even give this girl juice. I have no idea why she always acts like she's got high fructose corn syrup running through her veins.

I gotta say, Cadence LOVES vacations. Clean sheets and fluffy pillows galore and TELEVISION! Elevators! Swimming pools! New territory to explore and run and run and run around in! What's not to love? Me, on the other hand? I've pretty much had it with vacations until Cadence is old enough to walk down a street unchaperoned. Can someone please tell me when that will be? Is 4 years old too young? How about 3? I suppose I should work on her potty learning first...Don't even go there, people...

We checked out of the hotel on Monday morning and stopped at the Henry Vilas Zoo before driving back w/ Casey to Ted's parents' house. And thus ended my Madison getaway.

I guess I'm a little annoyed that the bulk of my vacation was spent in bed hiding from the sun. And I hear that New Glarus is a really cute town that I would've really loved, so I totally missed that too. Oh well. I'll just have to remember to steer clear of the beer next time. Sheesh.

It was a real relief to get back to Ted's parents' house. We stayed overnight there, and it was actually like another little vacation. Ted's mom is a great cook, and Cadence could care less about me when there's Grandma, Grandpa AND Sniper the cat to play with.

We even got to visit the neighbors' horses, one of whom just had a baby a month ago. I've never had much contact with horses, having grown up in the city, but I've always been fascinated by them. I think they are absolutely beautiful creatures, and Cadence agrees.

I guess it's inevitable now that Cadence will one day want a horse of her own. We'll just have to move to a farm or something.

Alright, I'm getting really tired of posting, so I'll just have to continue some other time.

Three Thoughts Thursday #7

#1—I recently celebrated a semi-milestone birthday, which has forced me to contemplate my aging process. I have to say, if there's one thing my mom has done well, it's to age gracefully. At the age of 65, she still has only a few stray gray hairs here and there, and her face lacks but a few wrinkles. In the past year, I have come to grips with the fact that my hair is in fact starting to gray. This wouldn't be so bad if my hair were a lighter color, but when you've got black hair, it's really hard to miss. Just this morning, when I looked in the mirror, I was horrified to find that a few strands had gone white totally overnight. Like, how is that even possible?

Different people have different ways of dealing with their deviant strands. Me? I pluck those suckers right out of my scalp as fast as I can. Luckily, I haven't found too many so far. And yet, I know I'll have to make a decision as to what I'm gonna do about the gray once these ghost strands become too numerous for me to keep up with. The thing is, I don't want to dye my hair. My dad stopped dying his later in life, and he had a lovely head of silvery moonbeam hair. I actually wouldn't mind having that. I just hope it's not at the age of 35. Anyhoo, I don't know what to do in the interim. If I dyed my hair, I'd want to dye it a totally different color, like cobalt blue or magenta. Something tells me that wouldn't go over so well at my place of gainful employment...

#2—It seems to me that a lot of newish parents these days fret over the size of their babies and toddlers, especially if they're on the smallish side. It doesn't help that the growth charts published in every parenting book and exhibited by pediatricians across the country don't take into account factors such as whether the children were formula-fed or breastfed or the genetic makeup inherited from the parents. Cadence has been falling off the charts weight-wise for some time now, and if it weren't for those pesky charts, I probably wouldn't stress out so much over her eating habits. The fact is, she's happy, playful, strong and active. If you look at her, the word "malnourished" would never enter your mind. Still, I wish she'd eat actual meals more than a couple times a week.

Speaking of small, I finally got to meet my friends Zarah and Felix's newborn son Asher yesterday. He is tiny at just over 5lbs (after losing some of his birthweight like all newborns) but is just about the most beautiful baby I've ever seen. Granted, I only saw him while he was slumbering, but I'm sure he's just as beautiful awake. I absolutely love the way newborns look and smell and feel in your arms. Even my cousin's Baby Eden, who's now a whopping 4 months old, feels so small and light compared to Cadence, who herself is still light enough to carry with one arm.

*Sigh*. Here's a photo of Cadence from the archives, when she was really little. Can you tell I have just an eensy-teensie bit of baby fever? I'll get over it soon enough, though, before it's too late. Although this would be the perfect time for me to get pregnant…My work usually slows down for mid-spring/early summer, which would be just around 40 weeks from now. Hmmm…

Alright, moving right along...

#3—I know that my affinity for used/vintage clothing is obvious in the way I dress Cadence. Well, what's even better than used/vintage is used/vintage hand-me-downs from people I love. That's exactly what Cadence is wearing in this photo. The shirt and shorts were her Auntie Lauren's way back in the 80's. Ted's mom made the shorts, and she spruced up the shirt with the lace/ribbon trim.

I wish my mom had kept some of my clothes from girlhood. There was this one Snoopy shirt which I can guarantee never existed in the U.S. And then there was that white dress with the floral apron that I absolutely adored. I guess we could only take so much on the plane when we moved here from Korea, but still...It apparently never occurred to my mom to save any of my stuff, even my hanboks. She expressed surprise that Ted's mom had kept Lauren's clothese all these years. This is coming from someone who saved every one of my report cards from grammar school. Oh well.

Dooced.

It's true. I've been dooced. Now, now, don't worry. I haven't lost my PAYING job cuz of this blog YET. I did, however, get politely let-go as the primary photographer for Ted's sister's wedding. Apparently, Ted's mom hired a professional photographer. While I don't think it's because she read about my anxiety regarding the gig on my blog, I can't help thinking that my writing that post somehow released to the universe the knowledge that I am in fact nervous about photographing a once-in-a-lifetime event, and the powers-that-be somehow got wind of it.

Lauren and Doug still want me to take some photos, just not as the primary photographer. That's okay, I guess. But I know from experience that if there's a professtional in the house, I get all intimidated and I don't pull out my camera as often or at all. I think I feel like if there's someone there getting paid to take professional photos, it would be presumptious on my part to think I could take any photos that would be worth shooting beyond what the pro captures. The exception to this was Caleb and Kathy's wedding, where I did shoot quite a few photos, but I think that was out of blissful ignorance of my own shortcomings.

I have to admit I'm relieved that I don't have to worry about missing important moments such as The Kiss any more. That's the pro's job, in my opinion. I WAS gonna tell Doug to make it an extra long kiss to give me a better chance of getting the shot, but now I guess it doesn't matter. Heck, now that I think about it, I'm relieved that there WILL be someone there who knows what they're doing. That frees me up to take my artsy-fartsy photos which I'm sure the parents wouldn't appreciate. Now all the pressure's on the pro, and if all my shots come out crappy, which is a distinct possibility considering my lack of experience and equipment, then thank goodness they hired someone else.

Still, I can't help feeling a little stupid for running out and buying that D50. Oh well. I guess I do need that camera for my 50mm lens. I'm just glad I found out before I spent our savings on extra batteries, memory cards, expensive post-processing software and a new laptop to support said new software. I had planned on telling Ted it was about time we got new computer equipment, but now that I don't have this wedding to worry about, I suddenly don't feel all that anxious about it. That'll save us at least $1,200. When Ted hears that, I'm sure he'll be thrilled I got the boot from this gig.

Hey, Lore--How About THIS Wedding Cake?!

Ted's sister Lauren (his only sister of his 4 siblings, I might add) is getting married to her sweet and handsome Bostwanian Swede Douglas in August. She's asked me to be the photographer for the big event, and before you think she's crazy for asking an amateur like me (Let's face it, guys. Y'all are really sweet to me, but that's what I am. Have you ever been on Flickr?), you have to know Lore. She's a simple gal who wants a simple wedding and who prefers things more spontaneous and informal. I think I can handle that.

Don't get me wrong. To some degree, I'm shaking in my crocs. Which is why I'm trying to do as much preparation as possible before the big day. I'm taking this assignment seriously, and I think my first step is going to be to ask beg our sister-in-law Ali in Seattle for help. She's a film photographer with a great eye and so much more experience than me. I think it would be pretty stupid to have just one photographer. Even I had two at my little backyard wedding (Ali and my friend Teal Pheal).

I've actually shot two weddings (as the backup photographer, of course) with my point-and-shoots a while back. The first one was a disaster because it was entirely indoors under artificial lighting, and my camera only went up to an ISO400. DisASTER. Thank GOD they had an AWESOME and PROFESSIONAL REAL photographer (who was probably giggling behind my back at my little coolpix). The 2nd wedding was for my friends Caleb and Kathy, who also had an awesome primary photographer. That wedding was an early wedding with lots of natural light, so I fared better at that one, and if I'd actually had an SLR, I'd have to say the photos would have been kick-ass.

In addition to asking Ali for help, I've taken another step towards being a better faux-real photographer. I got myself another SLR body. Yes, I done gone out and bought me a used D50, just so I could use my 50mm f/1.8 lens without having to manually focus. I suppose I could've put that lens on my film SLR, but do you have any idea what a friggin' nervous wreck I'd be wondering how the photos were coming out? Yeah. Not my cup of tea. Besides. If you're gonna shoot a wedding, you gotta have two bodies so you don't have to keep switching out your lenses. Right? And look at that photo above, which I took w/ the D50 and the 50mm lens. No postprocessing here. That is all natural blur, folks. And dirt. All natural dirt on them footsies.

I'm also actually going to look at books about photographing weddings. In case you didn't know, wedding photography is a huge industry now. Wedding photojournalism has especially gotten popular. People don't want just canned posed photos of their weddings any more. They want flippin' ART. I hear there are a few good books on the subject that may give me ideas and hopefully the technical know-how to execute those ideas.

I plan on shooting in RAW format to be on the safe side so that I can make corrections if need be in post process. I don't do a lot of post processing, considering up until I discovered Picasa, I only used Microsoft Photoeditor for making changes and corrections to my photos. I'm pretty scared of Photoshop. I tried it for a month and just couldn't get comfortable with it. So I've been seeing a lot of Flickrites using Lightroom, which is definitely cheaper than Photoshop, and I'm thinking I might try it out and see if I like it. My friend Lori has been using it a lot, and I love the results she's getting. Of course, she has Photoshop experience, so I may not get the same results…

So yeah. I'm taking this pretty seriously, as I should, it being a once-in-a-lifetime event and all. It's also my wedding present for Lauren and Doug, so I want it to be as good as possible. This is no time to be hiding behind pseudoartistic pride or punk rawk stubbornness, if you know what I mean. I figure I have two months to practice and learn all I can.

Those of you experienced in wedding photography, if you have any pointers, now would be the time to speak up. Even if you've never posted a comment on here before, this would be the time to delurk. I will be most grateful!

One last thing. What shoes should I wear?

Three Thoughts Thursday #5

#1— This has been a beautiful week weatherwise in Chicago (although we could use some rain soon, I'm sure). We live about a mile from the lake, and I've been there with Cadence a few times this past week. I was reminded again just how beautiful it is to live by a big body of water like Lake Michigan. I know I rave about summers in Seattle, but when you think about it, summers in Chicago are pretty damn nice too.

I know that we don't live by the BIGGEST of the Great Lakes, but it still looks like an ocean to me. You can't help but be filled with a sense of awe while looking out on the vast waters beneath a huge endless sky. I just don't get tired of this. Ever.

#2—Something I wonder and worry about every 3 days or so is where, when and how to send Cadence to school. Ted and I have seriously considered homeschooling, cuz let's face it—Chicago Public Schools are not exactly stellar. But lately, Cadence has shown an interest in going to school. She's run into kids from a nearby preschool at a local playground, and she really seems to want to be a part of that whole scene. I guess playing with an entire group of people her own size is more appealing than same old boring mom and dad. So I guess we are open to the idea of sending her to school. Lord knows Ted could probably use the break. And now we have to ask ourselves when we think a good time would be to enroll her. And considering most schools require that you apply a good 6-9 months in advance, we may need to decide WHERE to send her sooner than we'd like.

Part of it will depend on the luck of the draw, literally, as I hear the best public schools in the city have a pretty competitive lottery system of admission. I've thought about packing up the family and moving into the neighborhood of certain schools so that we'd have a better chance of getting in. But I'd hate to go through all that trouble and end up not getting in at all.

I feel like so much of public education in the last decade has focused a ridiculous amount of time on testing, which I think is stupid and a waste of taxpayer dollars. I was surprised to find that an increasing number of schools have done away with recess. I don’t want Cadence to be stuck in a learning environment where she's forced to fill in an endless array of bubbles with a #2 pencil day after day. That's not what I call learning. That's what I call mind-numbing, brain-cell-annihilating exercise in futility.

#3—Lately, I've been thinking that it would be nice to have a large family. I'm actually a big supporter of folks who choose to have only one child. In the U.S., having just one kid has the environmental impact of having maybe 30 kids or more in certain parts of the developing world. This is something I actually have thought about a lot. On the other hand, I've ALWAYS wanted to be in a big family, and I really enjoy the dynamics among Ted and his siblings. Cadence is such a social kid that I think she's really going to give us a hard time if we don't provide her with some siblings. Now don't jump to the conclusion that Ted and I are gonna get busy for a #2 anytime soon. Adding another family member would be a significant change to the current family environment, and we need to think about this more. I know some of you are laughing at me, but dude…Cadence is a flippin' handful…A very cute, sweet and charming handful, but still…Maybe what she needs is a lot of cousins…

Three-Day Weekends Make Me Need a Vacation

Seriously, folks. Sometimes our lives just get so busy, I have to go into work to get some rest. If it weren't for the commute, I would LOVE going to work like ALL the TIME.

We went to our friends Jeff and Lena's house in Elgin for a BBQ/Birthday party on Monday. They recently bought an old historic Victorian house that they're fixing up. We were celebrating both Jeff's and Uncle Jay's birthdays. Jeff and Jay went to high school together and are now business partners for Periphix Computer Solutions.

It was a nice day to grill and be outdoors. I like city life, but sometimes it's nice to have a yard and some (relatively) fresh air.

I mean, when was the last time we played croquet in the city? Like, never, that's when.

Cadence was unusually docile for most of the afternoon. She was happy to just watch what others were doing, or just play by herself, often singing nonsense songs. Maybe it was all the unfamiliar faces, although most of Ted's immediate family were there. Or maybe it's because there was a big bowl of chips just within her reach. I guess I'd be happy too if I were a 2-1/2-year-old and there were all-you-can-eat Doritos around.

Anyhoo, it was cool to see the inside of an old house and see all the work Jeff and Lena have put into it. They could totally have a Bed and Breakfast if they wanted.

The day didn't end with the BBQ. We went over later that night to my cousin Ben and Rachel's apartment to see my aunt and uncle and Ben's sister Jessica who were visiting for the long weekend. We were supposed to be having coffee when we got there, but my aunt had JUST finished cooking dinner, which ended up being a feast of shrimp, squid, alaskan king crab legs, korean spicy pork, and zucchini and eggplant fritters. I guess they went to Super H-mart and went a little crazy because there was a huge seafood sale going on. Ted and I love our aunt's cooking, so we dove in and pigged out.

Ben and Rachel's daughter Eden is growing so fast! It's fun seeing another little baby. I like seeing how Cadence reacts to her, and she seems to be warming up to her quite nicely. She asked me later at home if we could get a Baby Eden too. HA HA HA! Yeah right. So I told her if we had another baby in the family, Mommy and Daddy would have to take care of the other baby too, and she didn't take too kindly to that idea.

Anyhoo. I need a vacation.

Birthday Part Deaux

So the rest of my Birth day...Cadence and I rode a couple buses and made our way to Trader Joe's in time to help Ted finish grocery shopping after his shift.

With the rain and all, there was a LOT of splashing involved while waiting for buses and walking to Trader Joe's from the bus stop. Thank goodness for Kidorable boots!

And I couldn't believe that someone left this bike outside in the rain in front of Trader Joe's. That's got to be the rustiest bike I've ever seen, and no wonder. They didn't even bother to park it underneath a covered area.

My cousin Kris and our friend Connie came over for dinner. My brother stopped by and ended up staying too. We got carry-out from an Indian restaurant (YUM!), drank some Tripel Karmeliet and homebrew, and reveled in the goodness that is Tres Leches cake from Rolf's Patisserie.

And look! For once, I actually have a photo of the whole group. I'm pretty bad about taking photos when I'm with friends, but I made sure we got one in. I was going to do it with a timer, but I like the look of the Arms Reach Self-Portrait.

Alright. Off to bed for me.

Roadtrip!

We leave tomorrow (actually, today) morning bright and early for GRAND RAPIDS, MICHIGAN! Awwz yeah! Say yes to Michigan, baby! And we're staying in a hotel! With a pool! And a King Sized Bed! We're gonna see my friend Lori and her family!

We're going cuz the Tim Lowly band (for whom Ted drums) is playing a show w/ Ben and Bruno, who came all the way down to Chicago in Friday traffic to play a show w/ the Lowly band at our church tonight. The show was awesome. I was quite blown away by Ben and Bruno. Anyhoo, more on that later.

*Heart*strings

Today is the five-year anniversary of the day my dad died. Yesterday would have been his 69th birthday. We went to the cemetery with my mom and brother yesterday early evening. I hadn't been there in a long time. I understand that some people derive comfort or the fulfillment of some sense of obligation or duty by visiting their loved ones' gravesites. I used to think that I would too, but every time I would visit, all I felt was a big emptiness, so I stopped going except to accompany my mom on momentous occasions.

There is a part of me that is irreparably wounded due to the experience of watching my father die. In some ways, I've closed the door to that compartment of my heart that is made of a mangled, bloody mess. I don't talk about it to my mom or my brother or anyone else. I don't talk about it even to myself. And I'm okay with that for right now.

I happened to be driving behind this truck going down Devon Ave on Sunday afternoon. I've seen it parked in our neighborhood, and it always makes me mad, like what the f*ck do YOU care where I'd go if I were to die today? Can you do a scan of my soul and tell me whether I'd make the cut? I'd really like to write a letter to stick beneath the windshield wiper that says, 'I'M GOING TO DISNEYLAND, WHERE ELSE YOU MORON?!' It really annoys me when Christians use fear to coerce people into "saying the sinner's prayer."

Well, my dad DID die one night 5 years ago, so where did he go? To be with Jesus, I suppose, but WTF does that MEAN? I don't understand what Heaven is. I don't understand Eternity. I don't understand why every day I wake up and I still can't believe my dad's not alive. I still see him in my dreams a couple times a week, and he's so real that when I wake up to the reality that it was only a dream, it's like another little kick in the gut. Not quite the kick in the gut as when he REALLY died five years ago, but nevertheless, a little kick.

And yet, there is a part of me that can't help but believe that someday I will see my dad again. That someday, he will get to hold his granddaughter whom he's never met, whom he would have fallen totally head-over-heels in love with, more so than he ever had with me. I don't know how all that works out logistically; I mean, I would like Cadence to have a long and healthy life, so I don't know if she'd be a little girl in heaven or a grown-up version or what, and I'm starting to sound really crazy as I'm writing this, but it's my blog and I can be deranged if I want to, I guess.

Family Time

Last Monday, I took a vacation day so we could hang with Ted's sister Lauren who was visiting from Sweden. Although the temps were still on the chilly side, the sun warmed things up so we ventured out to a playground nearby.

As you can see, Cadence comes from a family who takes their playing seriously. It's no wonder she's such a good jumper.

I have a feeling that recess will be Cadence's favorite subject in school. That's if recess isn't outright abolished in schools by then, in which case we'll keep her at home.

We're sad that a great big ol' pond called the Atlantic separates us from Lauren, but we're glad we had some one-on-one time with her while she was in town. Cadence definitely enjoyed hanging out with her auntie.

Friday was Ted's Dad's birthday, so we met up with the family for dinner at Brass Restaurant and Brewery in Barrington. Cadence was so excited about it being somebody's birthday, and she made us practice singing 'Happy Birthday' in the car ride. I think Grandpa was pretty tickled when she sang for him, although there was no cake, which was what I think Cadence was really looking forward to.

Don't these two look good together? Yeah. Good genes. Hurray for families!

Best Shot(s) Monday--All About Style

We're not much about fashion in our household, but we did have some fun this weekend with some funky sunglasses and an outfit I absolutely adore. I don't have much time to elaborate, as I'm on a vacation day and we've got stuff to do, so I'll just post my favorite photos from this weekend.

She looks so serious here that it's almost funny.

My favorite smile of the weekend. I like how she's looking off to the side and not directly into the camera.

And here is my favorite outfit ever. The t-shirt was a thrift store find that I absolutely adore. I wish I could get away with wearing Baby Legs and a pleated denim mini-skirt.

And here's a cute one with Daddy. They look like best buddies!

Go see other folks' Best Shots at Tracey's Picture This.

Parlez Vous Belgian?

My cousin Jeannie was in town last week. Her boyfriend Erik recently started his first term at the School of the Art Institute (a.k.a. The 'Tute). She was also visiting her baby niece, who was just born the end of March. Some of the cousins got together on Saturday to go to the Hopleaf Bar. My aunt (Jeannie's mom) was nice enough to babysit, as the Hopleaf is a strictly 21+ establishment. I'm glad, because I totally had my heart set on getting me a goblet of some of that Belgian goodness otherwise known as Tripel Karmeliet, and you can't get it on tap at just any old watering hole in Chicago.

You may remember me raving about this beer last week after our visit to Gruppo Di Amici. I have seriously thought about fantasized about this beer every day since then. It was THAT good. I regretted not having taken my camera last week so I could record for posterity the beautiful creamy, thick head our awesome waiter poured into my beautiful goblet. This week, however, I managed to remember my camera so I can offer you this visual to go along with my continued rave:

Unfortunately, we were seated in the 2nd level dining room, so the head wasn't as creamy and foamy by the time the waiter finally brought over our drink orders. Nevertheless, everyone at the table agreed that it was indeed a yummy beer.

Belgian ales were the drink of choice for the evening. My cousin Casey had the St. Bernardus, Ted had the Maredsous, and I don't remember the rest cuz I was tipsy after one beer (I'm a cheap date).

I'm pretty sure Jeannie and Erik had Belgians too. I love how they all come in their own special glass or goblet. I'm sure it makes it easier for the waitstaff, especially at an establishment like the Hopleaf with a gazillion beers on tap.

Anyhoo, if anyone wants to go to the Hopleaf any time soon, let me know. Or if you choose to go without me, do yourself a favor and have the Tripel Karmeliet. But make sure you've got enough money to pay for a $7 beer.

buses, farmers, beer and friends

I'm emerging from a very busy weekend, and I can't get my brain to produce a coherent post because I'm still somewhat discombobulated. I think I'll have to resort to bullet points.

Saturday

* Cadence and I took the Metra to our church for the Fair Trade Market. Berry (our church) is a member of the Chicago Committee on Fair Trade, and we host one of these markets at least a couple times a year. Most of the folks volunteering at the booths were folks we know from church, so I felt comfortable letting Cadence just roam around while I shopped and visited with folks. To me, that's a clear sign that I'm feeling more at home at Berry.

* We took the Lawrence bus and Clark bus back home. Luckily, I had brought a sling, and Cadence fell asleep snuggled against my chest while we were waiting for the bus. This is the 3rd weekend in a row that Cadence and I have taken public transportation, and while I was standing on the corner of Lawrence and Clark, holding Cadence close to me, I thought about how meditative the act of waiting for a bus or train can be. You get to see the world around you, standing in one spot, letting it soak in, as opposed to zooming by a blur at XX mph. It's been liberating to not feel confined to our home just because I don't have the car on Saturdays. There are so many places we can go, and it all starts with a 2 minute walk to our bus stop.

* Saturday evening, Ted, his brother Dave, Cadence and I attended a potluck/presentation at church with our Community Supported Agriculture provider. CSA links local farmers with consumers who can buy subscriptions for a delivery of fresh, in-season produce on a weekly basis. This provides the farmers with a somewhat reliable source of income, and it gives the people in the communities a chance to develop a relationship with the people who grow their food. Tony Ends, the owner of Scotch Hill Farm and Executive Director for the organization Churches' Center for Land and People (CCLP), talked to us about the philosophy and practices behind CSA. He is an articulate, passionate speaker, and we were all moved by what he had to say. Ted, Dave, Dave's fiancé Becki and I are going to share a CSA subscription this summer. We hope the weekly delivery of fresh produce, grown with so much respect for the earth and for humanity, will encourage us to cook meals together with that food and increase the community amongst ourselves.

Sunday

* My new friend Holly visited our church with her breathtakingly beautiful almost-2-year-old daughter Helena. If I told you all the coinkidinks that tie Holly and me together, you would freak out. Go read her blog. She is awesome.

* Ted and Dave painted our living room all day Sunday. I rewarded them by taking them out to Gruppo di Amici, a relatively new Italian restaurant that specializes in Roman-style pizzas cooked in a woodburning oven. As soon as I told Ted about their $3 draft beer Sunday special, he was sold. The restaurant is in the newly revitalizing Jarvis district, right off the Jarvis stop of the Red line in Rogers Park. It ain't no hole in the wall, either. The owners definitely spent money on decorating this joint. Still, the waitstaff were friendly, and we got no dirty looks when we walked in with Cadence in tow.

They only have two beers on tap, but we discovered that they only stock fine quality craft beers. When Ted found that out, I knew we'd be back on many a future Sunday. Anyhoo, on this particular evening, they had the Tripel Karmeliet and Veltins Pilsner on tap. Ted ordered the first one, and when I saw the beautiful creamy head in the gorgeous goblet they served it in, I had to have a taste. One little mouthful, and I was totally hooked. This was the yummiest beer I had ever laid my lips on! It was so smooth, more like a dreamsicle. I immediately called over the waiter and ordered my own goblet. Unfortunately, they'll be replacing this beer before next Sunday, so next time I'll have to pay full price ($7)at the Hopleaf to get it on tap. If you like Two Brother's Cane and Ebel, that's the next beer that will replace the Tripel Karmeliet on tap @ Gruppo di Amici. I highly recommend going there on Sundays for their $3 draft beer special. Plus the food was yummy! A little on the expensive side, but overall a lovely experience. It also really helped that Cadence was happy as a clam eating ice cubes the whole time.

Monday

* I took a vacation day Monday because I happen to follow the weather, and I found out it would be the only warm and sunny day of the week. We took Cadence and her little buddy Rudden to Brookfield Zoo, where we have a membership. Rudden's parents Brendan and Amy are friends of ours from church.

I remembered from our previous visit that you could rent those plastic wagons at the zoo, and so rather than lug two toddlers in and out of strollers, we opted for the wagon. It turned out to be one of my smarter decisions in life. The kids loved riding in the wagon, which meant a) we only had to pull one vehicle at a time; b) we didn't have to constantly chase down two toddlers to put them back in strollers; c) we had a place to put our stuff; d)it was easy to take the kids in and out of the wagon without fussing w/ buckles.

Cadence also enjoyed pulling the wagon. Yeah, she may look scrawny, but don't let her size fool you. It's all pure muscle.

Don't get me wrong--we didn't keep them totally confined to the wagon. They got plenty of chances to run and hop and jump and climb and basically be two-and-a-half year olds.

It was so cute when they both fell asleep in their car seats on the way back home. All in all, it was a lovely outing. Seeing Cadence interact with Rudden gives us a peek at what it would be like if she had a sibling. They are good enough friends that they can fight and then laugh within the same minute. It's actually quite fascinating.

Lesson #3--Take Care Of Yourself

(For those of you just joining us now, I'm doing a series of blog posts on Lessons Learned from my very unplanned pregnancy, birth, and 1st 2.5 years of parenting Cadence. It's information for those seeking it, but mainly, it's a way for me to give myself a pep talk for the *next* one, if and when we think we may possibly be ready for a *next* one. My fertility has always been somewhat suspect, and I'm not getting any younger, so I may be just getting all worked up for nothing.)

Lesson #3--Take Care Of Yourself. This seems pretty obvious, huh? It's easier said than done, however, in our fast-paced plugged-in world.

Some women's bodies are hardcoded to have easy births. I know a mom who delievered her firstborn almost before her husband was done filling out the hospital paperwork. She thought it was so easy that she was ready to have another baby the very next day. If all women were like her, I'm sure we'd have to be building condos in Antarctica by now due to the overpopulation. Alas, for most women, having a baby can be as physically and mentally challenging as running a marathon. If you don't prepare your body and your mind for the event, you may find yourself regretting it at the finish line.

The first part of taking care of yourself is to eat healthy. When I was pregnant with Cadence, we had the misfortune of living only a block away from Sweet Occasions, our favorite ice cream place in the city. 2 ½ years later, the extra pounds of flesh on various parts of my body still remind me of every scoop of ice cream I indulged in during those months. Don't get me wrong. I don't believe in dieting during a pregnancy. I've heard of women who were so scared of gaining weight that they gave birth to 4lb babies. However, your visits to Sweet Occasions should be just that—sweet and occasional, not the almost daily visit it became for me. It's no wonder Cadence is willing to take two buses when I mention that ice cream will be the destination.

I think some of the guidelines on what pregnant women should eat and not eat get totally wacko and impossible to follow. I wouldn't overdo it unless you LIKE following really restrictive and regimented rules for yourself. I think the main thing I would do differently (besides eating less ice cream) would be to keep in mind that being pregnant is not an excuse for pigging out on whatever fatty greasy food I'm in the mood for. Just this mindset alone would have significantly increased the health factor of my diet during pregnancy and decreased the number of miles I'm gonna have to run now to forget those scoops of Zanzibar Chocolate.

One reason eating a healthy diet is important is that it will help you to also do the second part of taking care of yourself, which is to EXERCISE. What? Exercise? But aren't prego women supposed to take it easy? That's what past generations thought, and some women who have high-risk pregnancies do have to take it easy . But for the vast majority of women, exercise is a good thing during pregnancy. You can't sit on your gradually widening ass for 9 months and then expect to perform the equivalent of running a marathon during labor and delivery. This may be the one instance when your ability to perform under pressure will not be enough. (Like I said, I’m not a healthcare professional, so talk to yours before starting an exercise regiment.)

Unfortunately, if your body is not used to exercising BEFORE you get pregnant, it can be hard to make a habit of it AFTER you're pregnant, when your hormones and body changes are making you narcoleptic on most days. Some doctors won't even let you exercise beyond the brisk walk if you didn't exercise BEFORE you got pregnant. That's why I totally plan on getting as fit as possible before I'll even entertain trying to conceive again (which is why I may never have another child).

Women who exercise consistently during their pregnancy often have an easier time with labor and delivery. The exercise I've heard women swear by time and time again, esp women who chose natural childbirth, is prenatal yoga.

I am one of the 7 women in America who missed out on the yoga/pilates phenomenon. Part of it was my fundamentalist Christian upbringing that predisposed me to be suspicious of anything that smacked of Eastern religions. Which is stupid when you consider I'm Asian. Anyhoo, I thought practicing yoga would be an open invitation to all the false religion demons to inhabit my vulnerable spirit, so I shouldn't take the risk.

I've come to my senses since then, but I still haven't caught up with the yoga craze. I do plan on rectifying that, esp. if I ever want to get pregnant again. One of the things on my To Do Before Considering Pregnancy Again list is mastering a yoga regiment. Maybe mastering is too strong a word…I suppose surviving on a regular basis (e.g. 3x a week)would be a more realistic goal, if I ever want to cross that one off my list.

So what is it about prenantal yoga that is so helpful to women in labor? Due to my lack of personal experience, I'll have to go by what I've heard and read. Here are some articles that you may find helpful:

Prepare for Birth with Prenatal Yoga
Prenatal Yoga: More than Relaxation
Great Pregnancy Exercise: Yoga
Benefits of Yoga Before, During and After Pregnancy

Here is a list some of the benefits of prenatal yoga from one of the articles:

~Increase energy
~Decrease anxiety
~Strengthen birthing muscles
~Quicken postpartum recovery
~Improve sleep
~Reduce backache
~Improve circulation
~Increase chance of a healthy birth

The third part of taking care of yourself is learning how to relax. That may sound simple enough, but if you've never made a habit of taking time to just breathe deeply and let go of all your stress, you may find yourself twiddling your thumbs and blinking a lot while wondering when you're gonna start feeling relaxed.

You may have to try different things to find what actually relaxes you. It might not be the stereotypical bubble bath or walk on the beach. The aforementioned yoga may help. The breathing exercises alone should put you in a calm, meditative state.

If you've never tried needlecraft before, it's never too late to learn. I hear knitting and crocheting can be very therapeutic, and I know first hand (ha! hand. get it?) that simple stitching can also be very relaxing and is something that even someone who's all thumbs can do very easily. You can even make stuff for your expected bundle of joy!

For those of you who can afford it, an occasional prenatal massage session can be totally what the doctor/midwife/homeopath ordered. Of course, having a partner with strong hands who's willing to give you a backrub at the end of a long, stressful day couldn't hurt either.

Whatever it is that helps you to relax, whether it's the stuff I mentioned, or just daydreaming for 15 minutes, reading a book, listening to music, etc., it's a good habit to cultivate. I'm definitely still working on this one.

Actually, I think that this whole "Take Care of Yourself" mantra is the most difficult one for me. It goes back to my fundie cult upbringing in which I was taught that taking care of yourself was plain selfish, when you should be out looking for and feeding Jesus' lost sheep. Nevermind that the cult leader always had a bevy of women around him, cooking for him, running his errands, giving him backrubs and doing GOD KNOWS WHAT ELSE. Anyhoo, so yeah, it's hard for me to give myself permission to take care of ME. That's one of the reasons I'm writing all this out so publicly. I figure if I blog about it and tell other folks they should do it, I'll be more inclined to follow my own advice.

Lesson #2--Know Thyself

(For those of you just joining us now, I'm doing a series of blog posts on Lessons Learned from my very unplanned pregnancy, birth, and 1st 2.5 years of parenting Cadence. It's information for those seeking it, but mainly, it's a way for me to give myself a pep talk for the *next* one, if and when we think we may possibly be ready for a *next* one. My fertility has always been somewhat suspect, and I'm not getting any younger, so I may be just getting all worked up for nothing.)

OK, here's a short one. It's actually an addendum to Lesson #1, which was Learning About Stuff Ahead of Time Is Probably A Good Idea.

Lesson #2--Know Thyself. I'm not saying you need to get psychoanalyzed or anything like that, but a little bit of introspection and discussion with your partner where you think you might fall on the various spectrums of birth and parenting will help you to filter the multiteragigs of data that you will feel like you are being bombarded with once you've taken the plunge to try to conceive or once you've conceived.

While I think it's still very helpful to get info on a bunch of scenarios and choices, if you have no idea what feels right to you and your birth partner, it can be pretty overwhelming and you may find yourself being swayed like Chicago tree branches in March. I think this is really important, or else you will FREAK OUT about EVERYTHING. Folks who are easily freaked out in general or who have a lot of fears regarding pregnancy and childbirth and the whole shabang may benefit from talking to people who have had POSITIVE experiences and maybe limit their reading if everything they read just scares them even more.

And don't let anyone guilt-trip you or scare you out of decisions that you and your partner have made based on your own research and evaluation of what is right for you. You can be flexible and open to new information if it's helpful and is accurate and makes sense, otherwise, just smile, nod, whatever, and relax.

For those who ARE scared of the pregnancy/birth/parenting thing, I was the same way. Believe me, if I hadn't been stupid about my birth control, I would have NEVER chosen to get pregnant. A lot of it was misinformation. The media really know how to scare folks about this stuff, cuz fear sells better than faith. It's sad that women have been made afraid of their own bodies and what they're capable of.

It's All About the Learning

Tomorrow, Cadence turns 2 ½ years old. It's been 3 years and 1 month since we found out we were going to be parents. Unlike some parents, we were totally unprepared for becoming pregnant, let alone becoming parents to an actual live human being. Heck, we weren't even married—that's how prepared we were. In fact, what kicked off my morning sickness (actually, it started at night not morning) was drinking half a bottle of wine and smoking a cig at the Detholz! show on Valentine's Day. I guess you can say we had to learn on the fly. It worked out okay—we're all still alive and kicking.

I don't mean to wallow in regret or revel in self-flagellation over my stupidity, but if I WERE to have another child (Don't get any ideas, now. For the record, IF we have another child, and it is still a pretty big IF, it won't be until cadence is at LEAST 4 years old, which would put the timing at around September of 2008. And it probably won't be until she's at least 5, because Ted's brother is getting married October of 2008, and I'd rather not be full-term or nursing a newborn anywhere near that time.), IF we were to actually get pregnant on purpose, there are a few things I would do differently—during the pregnancy, birth and after the baby's born—than I did the first time around.

I don't think I'll be able to get through all the stuff in one blog post, so I'll make this an occasional series.

These lessons are what I, an individual, have learned. They are not the same lessons that someone else would have learned from their own experience of pregnancy, birth and parenting a newborn and toddler. That being said, for someone who has never been pregnant, or who is newly pregnant with absolutely no info about being pregnant or a parent, I think my lessons may be useful.

Let me say upfront that much of my perspective comes from an attachment/natural parenting mindframe. Not 100%, but probably a good 70.3%. It's what works for our family and for who we are and for who Cadence is. Everyone has to find what works for their families. I would hope that they would do so not just from what's convenient to the parents, but out of sincere concern for the children's physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well-being.

Also, I am not a medical or health professional of any kind. Every woman's body is different, every baby and toddler is different, and it is our wonderful, mysterious and oftentimes mindboggling job to learn about our own bodies and to learn about our own children—their bodies, their personalities, their quirks and charms.

Ok, now that the legal disclaimers are over, here goes.

Lesson # 1—Learning About Stuff Ahead of Time Is Probably a Good Idea

So you get pregnant, you wait 9 months, give or take a few weeks, and then you go to the hospital and have a baby, right? I mean, they've got drugs so it won't hurt, and the doctors and nurses will know what to do. So what's the big deal? Well, that's one way to do it, I suppose. However, since we're going based on the lessons I have learned, that's NOT what I would recommend for myself (or anyone else, for that matter).

I don't think you need to read EVERY SINGLE book on pregnancy or birth or parenting a child from newborn to 6 years old. If you did, you'd need a lot longer than 9 months to do it. Let's face facts. We've been going through a bit of a baby boom lately, and the pregnancy/birth/baby industry is a HUGE economic force to be reckoned with. It only takes one trip to the Babies 'R' Us to know what I'm talking about. If you browse the parenting section of your local megabookstore, you will find at least 2-4 ceiling-to-floor bookcases full of books. Inquiring newly pregnant or sleepdeprived new parental minds want to know, and there are a large gaggle of self-purported experts who will tell you everything and anything about pregnancy, birth, infant care, sleep training, breastfeeding, discipline, potty training/learning, education, etc.

Yes, a LOT of these books are just rubbish. Even some really popular books are not helpful. I don't want to name any names, but a certain line of books considered essential reading for expecting and new parents may not actually inform you accurately on *ahem* what to really expect. Unless you are a hypochondriatic apocalyptic megapessimistic masochist. Then you might like those books.

Instead of stocking up on random books from the Borders or your local library, I recommend talking to women who are currently pregnant or have recently given birth and asking them about their experiences and if they have any books that they recommend. Whether you are excitedly looking forward to your drug-free, intervention-free empowered homebirth of your dreams, or you're scared to death of this whole pregnancy and birth thing and are totally clinging to every word that falls out of your OB's mouth, it's probably a good idea to talk to women on both ends of the spectrum and those in the middle.

If you want to go the natural, drug-free route, more power to ya. That's the route I wanted too, and I eneded up w/ a C-section* without even a chance at experiencing labor. Some women need an epidural to relax and let labor progress so that they don't have to get a C-section. So regardless, you want to be prepared so that you and your partner can make the choices that are right for you. It's kinda hard to do that if haven't done the research BEFORE labor starts. I know some women who blog right until they give birth, but others might not have access to a computer or google at that point.

*Granted, if I had done things differently (like pick a doctor whose response to my birthplan wasn't to laugh in my face), things might have been different. When you're at the mercy of doctors and your insurance company, though, your choices can be limited. Which is why it's good to get this info and research done so you know what kind of birth you want WELL before your insurance company locks you in to a doctor/midwife(many insurance plans will not let you switch medical groups after you begin your 3rd trimester).

Maybe you are 10000% sure that you want an epidural or medicated birth. If so, just make sure that you still do your research so that you are aware of the impact an epidural can have on labor and on breastfeeding after the birth. Not all medicated births are created equal. Being knowledgeable about interventions can greatly enhance the quality of labor, birth and postpartum experience. For example, babies born to mothers who were administered narcotics may be extremely sleepy and not want to nurse as much at first. A lot of new moms are not aware of this, and so they just think the baby won't latch on and they give up on breastfeeding entirely. As long as you know how to rouse a sleepy newborn to keep nursing, there is no reason that getting an epidural has to result in breastfeeding not working out. Also, it turned out I wasn't able to get an epidural for my C-section because my spine was too tight, so you may want to check into that too.

Anyhoo, I'm going off on a tangent here. To summarize, it is my firm belief that it is a woman's choice to give birth naturally or with the aid of a painkiller. However, what I have learned from my experience is that unless you educate yourself on what your choices are, you may miss out on the kind of birth that you want because you didn't have enough information to make informed choices.

I am going to wrap up Lesson #1 with a few suggestions to help you Learn About Stuff Ahead of Time.

1) Take a childbirth class. Not just a one day seminar offered by your hospital. Many insurance plans will cover the expense of a more extensive childbirth class. There are many to choose from. And just because you plan on a medicated birth, don't shy away from the natural childbirth class. Most childbirth classes go over both unmedicated AND medicated births as well as C-sections so that you will be prepared regardless. We took a Bradley method class with Juli Billings-Walter, which met for 3 hours once a week for 9 weeks. It was intense, but it was well worth it. Not only did it prepare me to make informed choices when my pregnancy turned a little risky, it also provided me invaluable information on things such as breastfeeding, babywearing, and learning to respond to my baby's cues. Much of the way we parent now stems from the things we learned in that class. It's also a great way to meet other parents who will be having babies around the same time as you. Juli has about a 75% success rate for her students who want to deliver naturally. Obviously, I was part of the 25% failure rate, but let's not dwell on that...

BirthLink has a lot of info on birthing classes and other resources.

Also, Alejandra Valera wrote an excellent article about Childbirth Classes in her Car Seat column on Gapers Block a few years ago soon after the birth of her son. It gives a summary of some of the options available in the Chicago area. Note that some of the info is date-specific to the year 2004.

2) Check out some websites. There are plenty of places to get information, like babycenter.com, etc., but I would also encourage you to check out lesser-known sites like mothering.com, kellymom.com, askdrsears.com, and drgreene.com. Even if you want to be as mainstream as possible and not waver from the middle of the pack, it never hurts to get other perspectives. You may even find that these other 'alternative' birthing/parenting ideas resonate with who you really are and what you want from your birth and parenting experience than some of the more 'mainstream' ideas. Don't knock it 'til you've at least googled it, that's what I say.

3) Read some books. Browse or read thoroughly as you see fit. Many of these books are available at your local library (many large libraries even let you search their catalog online, so you don't even have to leave your chair to locate some of these books). Most megabookstores also carry them, and you can grab your drink of choice, find a nice comfy armchair, and browse away before actually purchasing the ones that jive with you.

The Thinking Woman's Guide To a Better Birth by Henci Goer—Somewhat intimidating with its small font and whatnot, but is very thorough about medical interventions. Biased towards natural, unmedicated births, but still provides a lot of valuable information that you'll probably never hear from your doctor.

The Pregnancy Book, The Birth Book, The Baby Book from the Sears Library. No, not as in the department store. William and Martha Sears are a husband and wife pediatrician/RN team who've parented 8 kids over a number of years. Some of their kids are also pediatricians and contribute to some of their books. Their website askdrsears.com is also very informative. They have a whole library of parenting books. I haven't read them all, and I hear some are better than others, but I trust them in general. They're also pretty accessible to more mainstream parents.

Father's First Steps—25 Things Every New Dad Should Know by Robert Sears and James Sears. Yup. Sons of the aforementioned Searses. I got this for my cousin so I had a chance to browse through it. I think it's important for dads or birth partners to learn as much as they can prior to the birth so that they can feel a part of the whole experience and so that they'll know how best to help mom and baby after the birth.

Pregnancy, Childbirth and the Newborn: The Complete Guide by Penny Simkin, Janet Whalley and Ann Keppler. I haven't read this one myself, but I hear it's very, very good.

Birthing from Within by Pam England. Again, another book I haven't read, but my friend Ann highly recommends it, and based on what I've read about Pam England and the philosophy behind Birthing From Within, it sounds awesome. There are childbirth classes based on this book as well.

The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding by The La Leche League (We'll talk about LLL in a future post). This is handsdown the Breastfeeding Bible. Why read it BEFORE you have a baby? Believe it or not, breastfeeding is a skill that must be learned by both mother and baby, and when you're both exhausted after a long labor/birth, that's no time to be learning the basics. I'll be posting about breastfeeding in a separate post. Y'all know how I feel about that one.

There are so many other books, but I'll stop with those for now. If you have others that you think deserve mention, feel free to comment.

happy 2007!

can you believe we're almost into day 4 of 2007? 2007!!! i mean, it just doesn't seem that long ago that we were worried the world was going to come to a chaotic end as a result of the Y2K fiasco. i was thinking about that the other day, that the whole Y2K thing was probably some conspiracy to sell survival kits and create job security. it ended up being so...uneventful.

...anyhoo, ted and his siblings rang in the new year korean style by making the traditional new year's day dumplings called mandoo. yes, even uncle jay got his hands all floury and pitched in. we weren't quite sure what we were doing, and i had to make quite a few phone calls to my mom, but all in all, they turned out yummy. of course, i didn't find out until today that most koreans don't make their own dumplings any more because now you can just buy them premade in the frozen section of any asian grocery store. at least that's what my mom told me. i'm still glad we got our hands all gooey making our own slow-food style.

after we ate our dumplings and we'd lounged around for a while, we went to metropolis for some coffees/chais/hot chocolates and hung out until dark. it was a nice, relaxing end to a low-key new years day.

so that's how we began 2007. it's hard to believe another year has gone by and that cadence will be turning 3 this september. i was just reading my friends michele and greg's family christmas letter which highlighted the past year month by month for their family. their daughter anna is exactly a year older than cadence, so it was interesting to think to myself, 'so this is what cadence will be doing in the coming year...' wow. we've got a big year ahead of us...

when you work full-time and have a toddler, it's really hard not to get caught up in the busyness of everyday life. to facilitate more mindful living, ted and i hope to continue simplifying our lives, getting rid of as much stuff as possible to minimize the potential for clutter, and consciously setting aside time for enriching activities like our hobbies or quality time together. when i think about all the stuff hidden away in boxes and crammed into cubby holes, i cringe...nevertheless, we've got to start somewhere, and i think i've been burying my head in the sand long enough.