tiny bytes

this is the chord
you taught me to play
when you and i
got closer that day
do you know how much it meant to me
sitting next to you
as you played your songs for me

you woke me up
cuz you couldn’t sleep
so i held you close
and you kissed my cheek
do you know how much you touched my heart
lying next to you
as you held me in your arms

you don’t have to say a word
for me to hear what’s in your heart
i can see it clear and bright
i see the world inside
i feel the world inside
i need the world inside
the world inside
your eyes

i miss you now
cuz we’re far apart
and i wish somehow
it wouldn’t be so hard
do you know how much i want you, dear
to be next to you
as you sing and hold me near

you didn’t say goodbye
when you went out of town
and i try to deny
that i’ve been feeling down
cuz my friends don’t understand
what i see in you
and so i just pretend
and hide my shade of blue

my friends they all tell me
i can write my own ticket
go wherever i please
fulfill all my wishes
and they don’t understand
why i even try
and so i nod my head
and talk about other boys

i know i’m just wasting my time
hanging around waiting for you
i know i should just cut the ties
that keep me coming back to you
i never thought i could be so weak
but i just don’t have what it takes
to pick myself up and just leave
never looking back again.

so i sit here all alone
the night begins to fall
i keep staring at the phone
knowing you won’t ever call
and i don’t understand
how i came this far
when i don’t have a chance
of ever winning your heart

my love is wandering the solar system
surfing the thick black nothingness
from shooting star to shooting star
he gets a glimpse of god from afar
and i'm still here
way down here on earth
searching the sky
hoping for a sign
a sign of his return

come back to me
let me dance away the darkness
from your eyes
and you will see
that you always knew the truth
from the lies
can you see me here
i'm waiting here
can you see me too
i'm waiting for you
i'm waiting for you

i am looking for something
something i lost
i lost it somewhere
this something
i'm so tired of searching
every crack in the sidewalk
every gutter
every manhole..

why?

maybe i'll just content myself
with not knowing
with not having
with not finding
with not being.

(song)

the clouds have all flown away now
exposing my fears to the universe
i need you to cover me somehow
i just want to bury my head in your arms
i just want to lose myself inside your warmth

early in the morning when i open my eyes
i see you standing over me
i look up at you and you see me smile
you know it's safe to lie there with me
do you remember when that wasn't a dream

honey, i don't know where i am any more
the houses and roads all look the same to me
i took a wrong turn two thousand miles ago
i wish i never left the comfort of you eyes
i wish i didn't have to say goodbye

i'm waiting for you right here
cos i don't wanna go any further without you
i'm lying by the side of this strange dark road
i'm cold and i'm scared and i'm all alone
all i need
all i'm asking for
is an eternity
lying in your arms again
all i need all i'm asking for
is an eternity
lying in your arms again

i’m sorry
i was a stubborn clam today.
i saw the hurt
in your eyes;
i heard the frustration
in your voice,
and yet
i didn’t relent.
i shut you out,
hid my heart,
pushed you away.
please understand--
it’s just easier for me this way.
i know i’m being lazy,
but most of all

i’m afraid—
that i’m too vulnerable,
too easily hurt,
that if i let you into
the secret chambers
of my heart,
the places i treasure most,
you may
unintentionally
pierce the tender flesh
and all that would be left
would be a bloody mess
of my too human heart,
my stubborn clammy human heart.

floating down gently,
dancing red and gold leaves fall
into autumn sleep.

like mist on the lake
melted by the morning sun,
summer fades away.

night lingers later;
the wind paints my cheeks crimson;
the sun feels paler.

i am reminded
of the october day when
you and i first met.

i don't know where death
got the idea
that he could come knocking
on my family's door
asking for my father
but now that he's here
and in the house
we're running out of small talk
we drank the tea and ate the cake
now he's getting antsy again
asking for my father
i think i'll put more tea on the stove
bake another cake
how much tea and cake
can death take
before he'll be
asking for my father
and refuses to put up
with our evasive maneuvers.
i'm taking my chances
i'm putting more tea on the stove
getting out the cake mix
preheating the oven
somebody say something pleasant
and keep death politely distracted
and forgetful why he came
to our house in the first place.

i flick the light switch off and crawl
into my side of stale silence and cold sheets.
your back barely touches my back.
we are two stiff boards
lying in the dark.
wearily i search for answers,
but all i find is the realization that
i have lost the key to your heart.

it is now too late at night,
and i feel too tired to care,
so i close my eyes
and
sleep.

i feel like i'm taking the fall
for something i didn't do
i feel like i'm taking the blame
to make it easier on you
i'm not the only one
who broke our love
are you really sure
that your motives were pure?

does it even matter anymore
now that i'm almost out the door?
i think i'll let it slide
i think i'll just take the blame
i think i'll get on with my life

i am moving 15 miles away from you
15 miles away from the stone wall with
secret doors invisible to all
i am tired of trying to find a way in
and abracadabra didn't work
neither did open sesame
so i am moving 15 miles away from you